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Meet your community champions!

replies: 10

Hi everyone, We wanted to share with you the way that our wonderful Community Champions are here to support you. You may have noticed that a few of our Forums members are labelled ‘Community Champion’. Community Champions are volunteers within the Beyond Blue Forums who: have the time, skills and empathy to support other members regularly; help to welcome new members; are actively engaged members that help set the tone of our community. Our Community Champions are regular contributors to many conversations across the forums. They are a consistent and friendly voice that have committed to sharing their experience and expertise with this community. They are not health care professionals or clinicians. Like you, they have an experience with a mental health challenge or diagnosis – either for themselves or someone they care for. This forum is for people who understand what it feels like and have a lived and living experience of mental health challenges. Our Community Champions help everyone feel comfortable and confident by demonstrating what excellent peer support is all about. Click here to find out more about how you can become a Community Champion! This incredible team are excited to introduce themselves below, and we are sure you’ll see them around the forums in conversations important to you.

HELP..Am I posting in the right section?

replies: 10

Welcome to those who are considering posting for the very first time, welcome. Thought I would repost part of the words that Chris B posted awhile ago, (2014) as I can hear that people are unsure if they are posting in the right section or worried that they are posting "the wrong thing". 1.A good title makes the difference Just like a headline in a newspaper, when scanning the dozens of threads to click into, it’s only natural that people will choose the ones that resonate with them most. A title that entices the reader, or asks a question, is likely to get a better result than something non-descriptive like “Depression” or “I don't know what to do”. If you think you’re not good at choosing titles, leave it till last. Spend time writing your post, then perhaps choose a sentence from what you’ve written as the title. 2.Join in threads that have already been posted We all have our own unique stories, but part of the reason for joining a forum like this one is because you know that you will have a lot in common with others who are posting. Before starting a new thread, have a look through the current topics being discussed and see if there’s a conversation you can join in with. It can be quite common to have a handful of very similar threads happening at any one time, with members seemingly unaware that there are others right there who are going through the same thing. Talking to other members on their threads is a great way of getting yourself known so that when you post a thread of your own, people may respond quicker because they recognize your name. 3.Choose the most appropriate section for your post Many people browse the forums looking for stories specifically to do with pregnancy and parenting, employment, grief, loss, separation etc. Going straight for the “Depression” section may seem like the easiest option, but this section is often the busiest, so your post is more likely to get lost among the threads. Making good use of the different forum sections not only helps keep the forum relevant, but you’re more likely to find others who are going through the same experiences as you. Also, if you're wanting to discuss issues of trauma, abuse, suicidal thoughts or self-harm, it's really important you post in the designated section to avoid triggering others who may not wish to read about these topics. Mostly..just come and chat, we are here for you. Our amazing wizards in the background will see your message ends up in the right spot. Sarah

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LDRs suck

replies: 4

Needing some advice. I’ve been seeing my partner for nearly 4 years, and he hasn’t exactly proven his commitment. He is 50 but still lives with his siblings and a year ago, I moved away for work and to be closer to my family. we have been doing long distance ever since. Lucky with COVID that we are in the same state, but it’s a 2hr flight between us. Lately I’ve been feeling so lonely and depressed. I have been on and off medication but decided to go drug free earlier this month. I can’t help but feel resentment for my partner, for telling me he “will” move “soon”, but has been saying this for a year now. do I stick with him, even though the relationship makes me so sad, or do I end it, knowing that I will be lonely with no support or friends until I meet new people in my new city? I really love him, but not sleeping and constantly crying over my relationship is taking it’s toll.

Grief

replies: 3

Do you have grief counselling service. ? I have become incapacitated by grief. I don't know what to do or how to go on. Everything is a mess. It's beyond me fixing it anymore. I can't do it anymore. I would rather not be here. Do you think grief coun... View more

When my words fall on deaf ears...

replies: 14

Hello I am a almost 40yr old wife, been married 15 years, and known the love of my life since we were teenagers. We've both had our traumas in life. Most people do...everyone has a past, a story, a tragic moment or two or a shitty hand they've been dealt, they just need to survive with... My husband showed me how a man should love a woman, and how to be respectful of a woman. My husband taught me to be proud of myself, and open up to being loved and admired and cherished. We supported each other to the n'th degree in all aspects of our lives. We never judged each other, never hurt each other with words and always showed each other kindness. ...Until a few years back... when my husband was diagnosed with depression. He is also more and more reliant on the beers of an evening, on medication, and we're seeing a marriage councilor. Both of us, for different traumas we've had to live with have openly sought assistance with a psychologist...Our marriage councilor says our our communication skills aren't aligning anymore, and our words are hurting one another. We both think differently, initially attracted to one another as we were polar opposites. Now this difference is tearing us apart... I guess, my beef is the lack of respect that I get shown. His would be my lack of love or support for him. We've both come to resent the other, my for him not seeing that his alcohol intake is affecting his depression, and our love life. Often (at least 3 times a week, bed wetting occurs). This topic hasn't been discussed with the marriage councilor on his behalf, and I get that, as it's shameful to him...but the cycle is the same for me, I see this and am living with this too, but nothing gets resolved, it's a 'pain point for him'. He cannot see that the alcohol is the cause of the further depression, and believes that my words are fueling his elusiveness. My attempts at showing love and affection are failing, as he continues to feel unworthy, unloved, and useless. Nothing I say makes a difference, my words fall on deaf ears... He doesn't feel loved. I don't feel loved. We both feel very alone right now. I am lost inside, as I feel so hurt and afraid to say, do, or be the wrong thing for him. He doesn't like my words, they do nothing for him but spark anger and he pulls away from me, often sleeping downstairs or retreating, saying "I don't get it" "I don't care". He wants me to show love, but I find it hard to show affection when my needs aren't being met either. Help!

Newly separated

replies: 1

Hi I’m 8 days separated and looking for support groups either in person or online I have 2 girls 11 and 14 I’m 51 and not currently working due to my situation

New to Beyond Blue Website

replies: 2

I have been through the worst time in my life. 1 Suffered Major Depression/Anxiety/Panic Attacks 40yrs +++ suffered from child abuse, Parents wanted a boy so everything I did wasn't good enough. 2 Domestic Violence 30yrs+ ex constantly abused me emotionally and sometimes physically. 3 Ex is a Narcissist and has turned our adult children against me saying I have made up all the allegations, and they have blocked me. 4 Ex has turned 90% of our friends against me, ex is telling lies and I have no way of defending myself because I'm blocked. 5 Moved to a place so my ex could be close to his brother. House needed renos and was bullied by his family and so I never got the things that we agreed on before the move. 6 Have had medical issues +++, needed back surgery and ex asked the surgeon "how soon after the operation can she clean house". He thought it was a joke and said 4 days. After the operation ex kept on saying 4 days over and over. I need another operation for the same condition, this time symptoms are worse and I don't have any support to help me post op. I have severe osteoarthritis/porosis throughout my body and am in severe pain and on high strength pain meds. Ex told everyone I was a drug addict and mentally disabled. He used to stand at the gate and yell this so all the neighbours could hear. Nearly 2 years ago ex threatened to shoot me, I called Police. Ex told everyone that I was lying, Police knew I was telling the truth. Ex even got the local GP on side, when I saw her, she told me that ex had never owned a registered gun. I said no, he has 3 unregistered guns. My birthday had always been forgotten as a child, my sister's b'day is 2 weeks before and parent's wedding anniversary 1 day after. Ex's family have lots of b'days in same month & M-in-law made Cake put everyone's names on top except mine. Ex's brother's 50th was on my b'day & M-in-law said it's not my party, I went home (I'd lost my Mum 8 days before), my 60th I got a pat on the back from ex, nothing else. He sent a mate a text & card with Scratchies, but I got nothing. I feel very very lonely and a bit selfish because of everything that is going on in the world and I'm complaining about myself. I just want to be happy, I need my 2 kids to talk to me and I want the rest of my life to be content. From someone who is very lonely and unhappy.

I've just joined

replies: 3

hi, finally got the courage to join and make a start, not sure which way to go at moment but i have admitted to myself that i may need a hand.

New to this and a bit lost

replies: 1

Hello All, Recently I have separated from my wife of 5 years, 2 months after the birth of our first child, and getting out of an emotionally, financially and physically abusive relationship... I am obviously mentally struggling, having struggled with PTSD, Depression and Anxiety... I am writing this because I can no longer find the words to verbally describe how I feel, the events of the past 2 months have left me absolutely gutted and though in recent months I have found some comfort in the calm of escaping my past life, I have also found loneliness in the solitude, I have discovered the impacts my previous relationship had actually had on me and have come to the stark realisation…I guess I always had felt alone and that the reality is not much has changed… except one thing, one brutally painful and sickening thing…. I desperately miss my son. There is an old saying things are always darkest before the dawn… but what happens when as the sun rises you catch a glimpse of the path behind, littered with the corpses of poor decisions, ill conceived ideals and regret, and as you cast your eyes to the road ahead there is nothingness, just emptiness and the complete sense of utter dread, in side just the feeling of a bottomless void, like that feeling of a hypnic jerk before sleep, a perpetual sense of falling… There has been a thought that constantly circled through my head, an inner monologue asking “where did things go wrong?” answered with another even more elusive question “was it ever right?”. There is no yes or no, nor an exact moment, it simply is…or at least was. It is far easier in moments like this, to only see the negative in any given situation, but there are no negatives or positives, simple instances now suspended in time and memory slowly fading off into the distance. Ahead is the unknown, something I have always found unsettling, the sense of feeling lost but relentlessly stumbling forward driven by nothing but hope.

When is it time to tell your children about your depression?

replies: 7

Hi All, Very new to BB and have been dealing with my depression for probably most of life and only realised the last 10 odd years. Am a father to 5 children and married with a very busy life. Have recently come off meds after 18 months as they did in say way help but caused other issues for my relationship with my wife where she felt i was unemotional and unresponsive. Am seeing my GP soon for futher guidance on what to do. Withdrawals off meds has not been pleasant and feel like I am sinking to old ways. Feel on edge and explosive at times. I can now also seen that my older teenage kids are impacted by my moods, reactions, etc... and has become very difficult to hide the symptoms and impacts. My wife is the only person who knows about my depression and I am embarrassed and feel emormous guilt by telling anyone. I dont wont to burdon others particualary my kids with it. I dont want anyone else to feel in anyway responsible or part of my condition, however there is a part of me that feels like I need to explain it. It kills me when I blow up, am dismissive, rude, blunt, short, negative etc... and I feel so much guilt that i struggle with what effect it will have them if they know. Will they worry even more, will they be upset, let down, disappointed.... will they look at me differently... I am meant to be their strong, fearless leader.... brings me to tears just thinking about it. So should I tell them. Is there evidence to suggest that you should or should not tell them? How has it worked for everyone else. Does it help or created a whole swag of new issues.....

My Intro (You won't believe my last four years)

replies: 4

Hi all, My friends joke that my recent life should be a movie and I reply with "It would need to be a trilogy". Seriously.... 2016 - Move to a large property in NSW to care for wildlife (house burns down 3 days later) 2017 - Buy a second property and move again with my ex-partner (who appears to have narcissistic personality disorder) and start caring for wildlife 2018 - Finances start getting difficult. Controlling ex-partner won't let me sell one of the properties even though I paid for both and am the only one who works. Paying two mortgages is HARD. 2019 - The relationship is so bad I end up losing my successful career due to my huge drop in self-confidence due to the abuse. I split up with the controlling ex-partner, but then a couple who my psychologist describes as 'thieves and con artists' convinced me to sell them my other property in a very dodgy one-sided deal and THEN the Black Summer Bushfires destroy my home and property (that's right, second house to burn to the ground in 3 years). Also, my other property was destroyed the same day. Oh, and because I cared for wildlife, I returned to my destroyed property and thanks to help from volunteers and vets, we remained on the property putting out spot fires and treating injured wildlife for months. I lived for six weeks without septic, running water or electricity so I could help the wildlife. 2020 - 14 months since my split and the controlling ex-partner has already cost me $60K in legals and we haven't even made it into mediation. Even the judge is getting annoyed at his lawyer's shenanigans. I now find myself in three, yes THREE upcoming court battles. One with the ex, one with the people who took advantage of me and a defamation case. To top it all off, my younger brother died and even that wasn't an ordinary death. He was born in New Zealand and raised in Australia but had a criminal record so he'd been in detention for over 4 years. His death in detention is with the coroner and they can't give us a cause of death yet because the coroner has decided it needs a full inquiry. So... a prolonged and painful 'divorce' from a 5 year relationship with no kids, two bushfires, one house fire, the loss of my 24 year career and a death in the family.The last 18-months of my life have been beyond difficult. My love for the wildlife is the only thing that keeps me going.

Widow. Lonely & depressing

replies: 2

My husband died last year. It was so sudden. He was working then 6&1/2 weeks later he was dead. Never in my wildest dreams would I have though I would be a widow at 50. He was only 52. He was such a sweet and wonderful person. It’s been so up and down for me and it’s getting worse, not better. And I guess this corona virus hasn’t helped. I feel so lonely and sad. We had no children. We tried! Unfortunately it wasn’t to be for us. My husband had a child from his previous marriage. When I was down about not have children. He use to say she’s ours But after his death she cut off contact and is contesting the Will. I’m heart broken...can anybody relate to this or just connect so I don’t feel so alone?? Thanks for reading

Meet your community champions! replies: 10

HELP..Am I posting in the right section? replies: 10

LDRs suck replies: 4

Grief replies: 3

When my words fall on deaf ears... replies: 14

Newly separated replies: 1

New to Beyond Blue Website replies: 2

I've just joined replies: 3

New to this and a bit lost replies: 1

When is it time to tell your children about your depression? replies: 7

My Intro (You won't believe my last four years) replies: 4

Widow. Lonely & depressing replies: 2