Anxiety/feeling not good enough

[cookiesandcream]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum, I've decided to reach out because I can't seem to hold it together, my insides are literally hurting, I have a hernia on my esophagus, and I know stress makes it worse, which is what I mean in saying my insides literally hurt lol. I have been suffering anxiety for the past four years, so much has happened that has made the anxiety worse, I don't feel comfortable in sharing just yet, but its been a lot to take in.

I always try to help others out, i hate confrontation and have recently been in the middle of helping family members reconcile and defuse what could have been an all out family war, now that they have made up and the peace made (mostly due to my help) I am left discarded, not needed and not contacted. I always try to see the best in everyone and help others out, but no one knows how much I'm suffering inside. I know the only answer is to just take care of ME, but I can't just be like that, I wish I was not so empathetic and caring and take on others feelings.

I also work part time, I feel like I'm just not good enough for my job? (I know I must be because I've been there 9 years) but the anxiety kicks in suggesting "your not good enough, smart enough' etc, plus I suffer socially in social work situations with colleagues., I've always been an introvert/quiet person. The basic part is that I feel not SMART enough, i never completed year 12 and went to Uni, although I'm at Uni now, I often feel dumb and that I will never complete my degree so why bother!

arghh Anxiety sucks. I found this forum and it's opened my eyes to how many other people are in the same boat as me. I will share at some stage the events that have happened the last couple of years, thank you for reading

[Moonbeam08]

Hi cookiesandcream, this is the first time I've been on a forum like this and yours is the first blog post I have read.
We have several things in common;
1) anxiety and constant thoughts of inadequacy, inability to care for self/ low self-worth
2) Constantly taking on other peoples emotions problems and feelings like a giant empathetic antennae.. from a very young age I too used to be a family mediator.. constant anger, fighting, shouting and me in the middle being the best for everyone, seeing the bestin everyone, flowing like water over the ragged rocks moulding myself to whatever shape was required for the peace, unopposing and avoiding confict at any cost.
3) I did uni and now I'm doing a postgraduate degree. At no point in my life have I ever felt like I am intelligent enough to be doing the things I do... apparently our brains are lying. Although I know mental health and anxiety can have links to memory formation. The calmer we are the better we remember 🙂

[cookiesandcream]

WOW Moonbean08, thank you so much for replying, we have a lot in common. I know I need to be more tough on the inside and think of my self worth, but I feel too much.

Your reply has given me so much hope, congratulations on finishing your degree, so much so that you are completing a postgraduate degree, this gives me hope and optimism.

Thank goodness I have found this BB site, I think it is going to be my savior. 🙂