A super long introduction!
Things have been a little rough for me of late, and over the last two weeks things are just seeming to go downhill.
A little over a week ago my good friend and his partner sat down with me as they had mentioned they have become concerned recently and have noticed changes in mood, and things I usually do.
Its good that they did, because that is what prompted me to come here, otherwise I may not of taken this step had they not bought it up with me!
So far I have organised for a few pamphlets to be sent to me so I can read up on things a bit further, as I don't think I would be confident just yet speaking to a gp about this (my old gp is in my home town and I haven't actually seen one since I moved here which makes me a little more hesitant as I would be talking to a stranger)
I must admit over the last few months my mood and outlook and a few other things have changed dramatically, i have become more distant towards my friends and my partner, i haven't gone out and done the activities that i would usually do in my spare time, my yard and garden are slowly turning into the jungle they once were, i haven't gone out to play with my r.c cars in almost 3 months, an activity which i would usually do a few times weekly. I just don't seem to have patience lately and i have found myself getting increasingly frustrated with things to the point i have many times gone out and driven so i can be alone when i know i shouldn't even be behind the wheel.
As i mentioned i have become a little more distanced from my usual routines, family and friends, i have also found myself spending more time away from home going for drives and finding quiet places to sit and be alone, even my publican popped in to my house last week knowing i wasn't working and had a chat to me about my changes that he had noticed, we have been good friends for a while as well.
Anyway few weeks ago i left my old casual job i have been doing since the start of this year to get back into the industry i originally worked in and i love, nursery/horticulture.
My last job in the industry finished 8 years ago due to the drought and since then i have always dreamed of returning.
Monday was my first day at my new full time nursery job, awesome place, awesome people, super close to home as well, however, even this just doesn't seem right/satisfying anymore. This is what has really made it obvious to me in the last 6 days that things are not right.
Anyway I'm running out of space now,
Thanks for reading!
Hi star pup,
Welcome to the Beyondblue forums. Such a massive step to share your story with us.
What incredible friends you have to be willing to share their concerns. It sounds like they would be willing to support you during this time. Have they offered to assist you, perhaps you could see a GP together to begin with? Recognising changes in yourself and getting some resources is a good place to start.
Its great that you've returned to a job you were passionate about. When experiencing symptoms of depression or just low mood it can be natural to not feel as much enjoyment in this as you used to. My one piece of advice here is dont let that cause you to give it up. Often action precedes motivation and if we continue to engage in these once fulfilling activities the fulfillment tends to come back on its own, with much less effort.
When you are ready to speak with a GP that would e the next step. You dont need to go back to your usual Dr, you could explore the Beyondblue website for their list of medical practitioners who specialise in the symptoms you describe. A Dr can steer you in the right direction for further assistance and prescribe medication if thats what you feel would be useful.
In addition to the brochures you can also contact the Beyondblue call centre for advice from a trained professional. Or utilise the Beyondblue web chat from 3pm - midnight.
In the interim, take each day as it comes and dont be too critical of yourself or your actions. Taking drives can be a really good distraction for the time being, as long as you put your safety first.
I hope you will continue to post here, even if just to have someone listen in a nonjudgmental fashion.
Hello AGrace, and thank you very much for your kind response, i have read through it a few times before i replied as what you have said, has had a chance to slowly sink in.
My old friend i have known for over 18 years (and his new partner) and we've dealt with just about everything together over the years, and the last few weeks have pretty much been the 'slap in the face' ive needed when they confronted and spoke to me ( as well as others i have mentioned)
Also i got much the same responses on the other support forum im on when a chat buddy mentioned the 'D' word after my post, to be totally honest i actually hadnt even considered it until i read it!
At the moment i think i would feel far more comfortable even just going to see a gp with my friend even if we just drove there together and i go in alone, than bringing my partner into this at the moment ( there's only so many times i can talk about things only to get no response)
For now im awaiting the few pamphlets i ordered to arrive and see if they can help give me a little more insight, also when my friend pops around for dinner tonight i will be asking him about perhaps coming along with me if he feels comfortable in doing so.
I want to stay doing the job ive just got as its been such a long lasting desire/dream of mine, though, i almost called my old boss on friday, and hung up when i heard a voice!
I just really hope i can smash up this new job and be awesome again like i used to be and settle back in, only time will tell.
For now ill just have a few chats and wait until i read over my mail and take this further.
Star pup ^.^
Hi star pup,
Just wanted to check in and see if you had a chance to speak with your friend? Is he willing to go to the Dr with you? Have you been able to make an appointment?
My theory subscribes to the idea that knowledge is power, so read as much information as you can, not just on the illness but also the treatments.
I hope that whenever you cant get a response from your partner that you feel comfortable to offload or chat here.
Star pup - welcome! Well done on making the step of joining Beyond Blue. This is my second time back here and it's so great to have people respond in a way that you know is not condescending or out of pity. Why, because in one way or another - we are all in the same boat. We are all here for one another.
Like yourself, I to have stopped doing things that I used to enjoy. I LOVE photography, I used to spend a couple of hours every day shooting, then - once I'd done what needed to be done around the house - spend the rest of my time editing. Now, I pick up my camera when I have something worth picking it up for. Take the RC's out in the back yard, give them a burl and blow out the cobwebs!
Like the others have said - it sounds like you have a great network of friends that care enough to come to you about your change in ways. If only we all had that.
Like yourself, I have yet to find myself a GP, I did have a good one, then I left town for a couple of years and have returned to find that he up and left. I, to, don't like the thought of trying to find another doctor.
I hope you find some support that you feel you may need amongst these guys.
Congratulations, you really are a Star. First step with a new GP. That's fantastic and you have lived to tell the tale.
Seriously though, it is a huge step and as you said earlier, telling your story to a stranger is hard. In a week you will have the blood test results and hopefully a referral to a psychologist.
I am curious. Your are the second person on BB recently who has had a blood test re your depression. This has never happened to me (blood test I mean) and I wonder what it is the doctor is testing. Please ignore the question if it is intrusive.
As someone has already said, you have a great network of friends. This is something many people would love to have so consider yourself blessed. Friends can be so supportive at times like this.
Glad you have moved to a new job that you enjoy. I think the phrase is - get a job you love and never work again. So again, congratulations.
In terms of knowledge, BB has a huge range of fact sheets. Some for you and others for family and friends. Not sure if this is the information you are waiting for, but if not, have a browse around the various tabs above.
Keep posting here.
I got my results this morning from my blood test, it was a relief when he said it was all pretty much normal. *Phew*
(My GP said this is unrelated, however after 10+ hours of fasting before the sample was taken i still had a very high sugar level, so i will be having a "glucose tolerance test" on Monday morning and see what comes of that)
I am still not keen on medications or going to see a psychologist just yet so in the mean time he drew up a Mental Health Care Plan with a few suggestions..
My next step is to do a sleep apnoea test, as he said constant interrupted sleep patterns could be a likely contributor to my depression,
Getting out and exercising with a little more frequency in my spare time,
Engaging with more people, which im not sure how ill go with that im already president of our social club which keeps me involved whether i want to or not with sausage sizzles,organising events, fundraisers and the like (we recently donated a part of our profits to the Ballarat base hospital childrens ward!) 😄 ,
To cut down a little on my drinking & smoking, which is going to be difficult for me,
Also to try some different forms of relaxation, i cant imagine doing yoga and things like that, i said i would enjoy going out more and doing the things i used to do when i was stressed like going for a drive somewhere quiet and having a little fire by the water, playing with my remote control cars and stuff, he was supportive of this.
So, a few things to try and do in the next few weeks