A First Step

[Red_Velvet]

Hi, I’m a young girl who you can call Red, what’s a sad parody of my own name.

I haven’t been actually diagnosed for anything, but I believe I have a bipolar disorder... I experience the amazing highs only to drop down onto these empty bottomless lows and I find myself craving my euphoric highs even though they scare others around me because at least when I have those I don’t have to face reality head on.

I want to tell my parents, but I don’t know how and I’m scared to. I’m scared they’ll not understand, brush it off, or waste money on me only for there to be nothing wrong. But I know I need help to get better and finding out who I really am, am I a hyper outgoing person, or a needy sad child? It’s this never ending cycle of viscous thoughts that either appear to fast to remember or so achingly slow it hurts. There a constant ringing of thoughts in my ears that unnerves me to my core and makes me feel watched.

There a few things that have triggered them to be way worse than normal: my family’s financial problems, school friendship problems and a severe head injury that!s impaired my vision.

I don’t know or how to handle this because I’ve always been so busy I didn’t have time to think about how I feel and now with Codvid-19 lockdown over in my town I realised that now I can’t stop thinking about it. I know it’s pretty selfish for me to go and say my life is terrible when others could be suffering much worse fated than me, but it’s to much for me to handle sometimes...

Sorry for ranting on and on, I just need some advice on the first step of getting help and telling my parents and confirmation that this is a rational reaction to how I’m feeling and what’s happening.. I’m sure others might need a push for this first step too.

Thanks for reading at least.. Have a nice day/night and remember that I think you are all pretty cool and a lot braver than me.

-Red

[Sophie_M]

Hey Red,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We're so sorry to hear about what you've been going through, but please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going whenever you feel up to it. We're all here for you.
 

[Red_Velvet]

Thank you for welcoming me and actually replying.

I’ve been debating this for a while and I decided if I can’t grow up and tell my parents, then I could tell someone I’d never meet through a screen.

This seems like a wonderful community of people looking to help others. I’m glad I joined.

[james1]

Hey Red,

It's nice to meet you!

Sophie_M's advice to get in touch with Kids Help Line is a good one, and they will absolutely understand your worries and fear about telling your parents. They can also give you some good advice and information about what your constant thoughts could be, and how to manage them.

In my own experience, I had to tell my mother that I had depression when I finally ended up in hospital because I wasn't really capable of taking care of myself anymore, and I can certainly say that was a really scary thing to do. But from there, I've gotten a lot better at making sure I've got a support network around me which is the most important thing.

So I think you've definitely got the right idea by deciding that, even if you don't feel like you can tell your parents, you can start talking to people here to build your own support network. From there, it may even become easier to talk to others in person.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop by to say hello. I hope you have a nice day.

James

[pinwheel23]

Hi Red,

Thank you for taking the step of reaching out here. You're being brave posting here. Asking for support even anonymously can be daunting.

I know a lot of people say that you shouldn't feel a certain way because others have it worse - but what you're going through is your own unique experience. You would never tell someone they can't be happy because there are people who have it better, right? You're allowed to feel upset about what is personally happening to and around you.

It can be scary talking to family about how you're feeling. But they are a good place to start when looking for support - when you're ready to take that step. In the meantime, these forums are a safe space for you to post and everyone here is supportive. KidsHelpline is also a great place for you to contact if it's something you're comfortable with.

You mentioned a severe head injury - is it possible that the ringing in your ears is related to this? Perhaps talking to your parents about this might lead into talking to them about getting help around your mental health?

We would love to hear more about how you're going.

Take care,
Pinwheel23

[sisu100]

Hi Red,

Welcome to the forums, and thank you for taking such a brave step in sharing this with us. Firstly, I want to say a big well done on reaching out here. It takes a lot of strength and courage to be so open and honest with your feelings and I’m so glad that you’ve done so here on the forums.

You are not selfish. Your experiences are valid. Just because someone may be worse off than you, it does not mean that your problems don’t matter. You are not selfish in any way to be acknowledging that things are difficult right now, and you should never feel guilty to do so. I just want to say that you do not have to do this alone- we are here to listen and help you and provide as much conversation and support as you need.

I’m sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time- it seems like you’re dealing with a lot at the moment with your family’s finances, friendship problems and also a head injury. It sounds this has made your extreme up and downs in moods and constant thoughts in your mind to become a lost worse. It imagine that it be really scary and confusing to have such intense thoughts and mood changes and not know how to control them. Your response is perfectly rational and understandable given your circumstances. Like others have suggested, the helplines can be a good starting point to talk things through with a professional.

Once again, thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm glad to hear that you are finding the community to be a supportive environment and we're so glad to have you be apart of it. Remember that we are here for you and please do let us know how you’re getting along if you feel up to it.

[Red_Velvet]

Hey everyone. I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much.

At times it just gets so scary, you know? I actual have already brought up this subject with my mum multiple times, but she seems to not really believe or understand me. She has love, but lacks the empathy or trust for this stuff. Now it’s a serious problem for me and a touchy matter I’m scared to get pushed away... Maybe I should tell my dad when I have the chance.

I don’t really want to call someone over the phone as it’s a bit harder to do alone and personally. But I may consider asking to do so at school. Thank you for the suggestion though.

I’ve actually had the ringing in my ears for a long time, as long as I can think back. I thought it was normal, until I brought it up at the dinner table when I was 7 “Silence is loud sometimes.” Was my exact starter to that conversation. We never got it checked because it never annoyed me till now, with that and all the other things around me it just makes me stressed.

Head injury was already assessed, going back for another scan soon! Yaaaaay, not reaaaaally. The saw some abnormalities, but nothing related to the symptoms I’m having and the doctor are stumped and I’m broke.

James, I’m glad you’re getting the support you need. I appreciate you sharing something personal like that with me as encouragement, made me feel a little happier.

sisu100, It is really scary sometimes... I just want to let you know that when your comment topped off the rest of these supportive ones I cried, it’s nice to be supported and not pushed away.

Thank you all so much, Red.

[sisu100]

Hi Red,

It's so nice to hear that our support has been of help to you in some way. It's great that you've tried to talk to your mum about this. I imagine it might be frustrating or disheartening when she doesn't quite seem to relate to or really understand what you're experiencing. It's completely understandable that you're scared of being pushed away again. The fact that you've tried to engage with her multiple times tells me you're very resilient and patient. In your initial post, you mentioned before that you think we're "braver" than you but from reading your posts, I think you are so much braver and stronger than you think!

I like your idea of possibly speaking to your dad about this. Do you think he'd be more understanding?

I hope your next assessment goes well and that you can hopefully get the answers you're after. Pleas do feel free to let us know how you're going 🙂

[quirkywords]

red

glad you started your own thread.

i feel that the thought of telling your parents how you have been feeling may be worse than actually doing it,

You write vet clearly and communicate your fears Ndwnotions Rey well.
You are not alone Nd there is support here,

[Red_Velvet]

Thank you everyone.

Yes, I think my dad might be more sympathetic about how I feel, he always has. But lately he’s been battling the same fight as me. He has depression and he’s trying to talk to my mum about it. But she just doesn’t get it. One day, I broke down in front of him when he was angry at something and I tried to explain, but it was the wrong timing really.

I think I have to just be patient and bring it up at a GP appointment or something. Although last time someone mentioned mental help to my GP she forced them out of the door and the man started crying. I, I, don’t want to talk to her either actually. It seems I’m faced with a lot of walls.

I am no where near brave. I am as cowardly as an Aussie can get when it comes to other people. I just have not her choice than to seek help, if I want this to end happily. Thank you for the compliment though.

It’s been tough lately, but I don’t think I can type out a whole rant again.

Have a nice day! — Red Velvet