49 Soon And Sick Of The Black Dog

[LeMac74]

I’m a man, 48, turning 49 soon, I’ve got good things in my life such as a lovely 11 year old child, a non-stressful job that pays the bills and I have a secure roof over my head. 

Looking back on life, it’s been good overall, I’ve had the usual setbacks (relationship breakdowns, changing careers etc). 

I’ve seen psychologist and taken medication over the years (and gone to Grow). I’ve also drank alcohol (yes, more than the standard daily amount) as it’s ‘helped’. 

Anyways, I’ve struggled through the last few years and my psychological well-being has waxed and wained. 

My father who I was close with passed away (relatively peacefully and quickly) in November 22, my mum

is in good health at the moment but is getting older, she is the carer of my brother - she is making plans to put him in supported accommodation. Aunts and Uncles are getting ill, dying. 

I’ve always been aware of my mortality  (early childhood existentialist crisis) and I’m in good physical health (and I’m not horrid to look at, I look 10 years younger than my age) but I feel like I’ve started to ‘circle the gurgler’ and it’s scaring me. 

I have things in my life I enjoy - time with my son, banter with workmates, talking cr@p with pub mates, but true friendship wise I don’t have any close friends anymore. 

Relationship wise - I go out and about and meet women but it’s getting to the point that it’s all quid pro quo with no real spark in 8 years. 

I’ve got plans to dive into activity groups and support groups to seek to make friends 

Typing this out has made me feel better but if anyone has any advice I’m all ears. 

Thank you. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm sorry you've waited a few days, I had one eye on your post.

With the challenges mentally you have all the good things in life you mentioned is kind of irrelevant, you could win tatts tomorrow, retire early etc and you'd still have the depression and loneliness.

The good news to read about is you seem to have your life in order. 

At 40yo, newly single with 2 children every second fortnight I met and began living with a lady with 2 teenage children not living with her. The biggest mistake was that she was not suited to a step parent role and 10 years later we separated when her true colours came out against my kids. Since then I've advocated that step parents need to be nurturers, a lover of all children and not possess the jealousy 

of the kids ever. That is my advice there.

I do recommend computer dating for one main reason- that it eliminates dozens of potential partners before you even reply. In the old days you might have had to date 50 before finding someone compatible, now you reject dozens just on their profile.

As a single man I can see that you have "time fillers" a drink at the pub with mates for example. No real mates? the older you get the less chance there is a close mate by your side as we develop and get set in our ways. The only way you might find close mates is to share an interest eg fishing or in my case years ago- model airplane building and flying. So take that into account. One of my friends joined the mens shed, although not for me it is a good start for some.

I hope someone else posts here. Thanks for posting

TonyWK