Where Else to Turn?

[OrangeYouGladYouMetMe]

I've been diagnosed with depression/anxiety since about 15 (symptoms from 12ish) and I'm now in my mid 30's. I've been on an SSRI for eight years which helped with my anxiety and being a functional human. Last year I was diagnosed with ADHD and began taking stimulants, which has helped a great deal but has the downside of feeling like I am puppeteering my body. It has destroyed my appetite and I feel like I'm caring for a needy Tamagotchi all the damn time (Oh look 2PM better force the woman to drink).

The big problem is that I'm more depressed and frustrated than ever. I'm incredibly lonely, I have no friends, no family and aside from work I spend all my time alone. I'm a virgin, haven't dated and despite trying everything from mixed-gender sports to online dating, I'm still alone. 

My psychiatrist is a medication vending machine (Insert $250 and get a script - yay!). He told me I was 'too clever to have suicidal thoughts and should just not think about it'. My GP reluctantly referred me to another, but after waiting for six-months the appointment was cancelled when the doc was off sick and I was added to the end of the list.

I fully believe in psychology, but in my experience they let me give TED talks about my current ADHD driven hobbies and take everything at face value, which is unfortunate as I lie unintentionally/easily. I've never gotten anything I would see as therapy from any of them. I had begun to see one on the regular this year, but she had to have an operation, and now it has been three months. They then cancelled my appointment 'as she was no longer taking late appointments' and I was put on the back of the three-month + long wait list....So what is the point?

Really, what else can I do?  I'm pretty sure the way things are going when I have my classic breakdown/freakout/anxiety attack one day I'm just going to kill myself, or at least try, as I get very distressed and reckless (and it's getting worse, month by month) Obviously, I don't want that but I am also finding it is too difficult to keep getting help. The constantly changing appointments stress me out, the price of it all stresses me out, and honestly nothing has helped, I'm still the same depressed person I've always been. 

What else is there? Where can I go? Please, there's got to be somewhere I can turn for more support or accountability. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear OrangeYouGladYouMetMe

Thank you for your sharing here tonight and welcome to our online community forum family. 

We're sorry to hear how much you've been trying to battle, but we're really glad you found your way here... we hope we can help to make a difference for you.

We are a little concerned about you OrangeYouGladYouMetMe, so we've reached out to you privately tonight - please check your inbox.

There are many here who have had difficult journey's as well, and we know it's not always easy finding the right professional to support us, and/or to navigate long waiting periods sometimes as well. Please don't be discouraged, OrangeYouGladYouMetMe. It's worth hanging in there for. 

We know some of our beautiful community will be along to support you in time - please continue to post and share on other peoples threads as well as you feel called. You're one of us now.

You can call us 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, or contact us via webchat any time if you would like to get some professional support. There's also Lifeline  on 13 11 14, and the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 available to you as well.

Please also consider having a look at our safety planning app called 'Beyond Now', and don't hesitate to call 000 (triple zero) if you ever feel in danger to yourself.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello OrangeYouGladYouMetMe, I have to say I'm so sorry for what's happened with you, but people have a tendency to prefer a psychiatrist than a psychologist where I have experienced both of these professionals but my choice was to see the latter, where she would answer questions I asked her and her approach was much different.

Your doctor can give you a 'mental health plan' which entitles you to 20 Medicare paid sessions to see either of these psych's, per year and will help you with the cost, but if you decide to see a psychologist, then your doctor will have to prescribe the medication.

I realise there may be a wait, but you can contact the links Sophie_M has given you and please keep talking with us.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[OrangeYouGladYouMetMe]

I just, unfortunately, see myself in a downward spiral and I want to stop it before it gets any worse as I know what I'm like when I get distressed and worked up. 

I've been seeing the psychiatrist, my GP  and a psychologist concurrently, so it's not that I've picked one or the other. I am genuinely throwing money at my mental health and trying to get myself on a better path but like the topic says, it's not working. As I said, because I've not had good experiences with either service, when appointments get cancelled and moved around, it feels like too much effort to bother, as I don't see them actually helping me. 

I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing but it's still getting worse, and I'm worried. 

It's more a long path to an inevitable outcome, unfortunately, unless I can figure out how to get myself on a better track in regard to my mental health. 

[Sophie_M]

Dear OrangeYouGladYouMetMe,
 
Thank you for continuing to trust the forums community with your struggles and difficulties, we are sorry to hear that you have been unable to find a mental health professional and service that suits your current needs. Finding a mental health professional that we can develop a healthy therapeutic relationship is important and if you feel that is not happening, we encourage you to discuss this roadblock with your current psychiatrist and psychologists or consider seeking a different provider of these services.
 
We also wanted to reassure you that ups, and downs are expected on your journey of recovery, unfortunately it is not a linear path and can often feel as though we are taking a step backwards to move forward. We encourage you to continue your journey and with the knowledge that it is not a negative to have a setback and it is part of a long ongoing process.
 
It is good to hear you have sought and received professional diagnosis and treatment for your ADHD, despite the issues you have been experiencing with the medication. We would encourage you to discuss these issues and any medication concerns with your GP to receive medical advice, as the physical impact/ side effects you are experiencing may require an adjustment to your treatment.
 
Until then as previously stated, we are always here for you. Please remember if you feel you need to talk through how you are feeling or honestly do just need a chat, please contact Beyond Blue either via phone  1300 22 4636 or through Beyond Blue Online Chat.
 
Thank you for trusting our supportive community and sharing your experiences, we hope you find the shared insights and advice of our members helpful.
 
Warm regards
Sophie M

[OrangeYouGladYouMetMe]

Pre-Post Note: I have no intention of harming myself or others. 

Three months on from my earlier posts, nothing has changed. My psychiatrist is dismissive of my concerns because the ADHD treatment has made my ADHD less of an issue. There are no other psychiatrists who have availability to see me. I have stoped seeing my psychologist as I could not justify spending $100+ a fortnight just to give someone a TED talk of my week. There are also now no other psychologists taking new patients with Anxiety & ADHD in my area. To top it off, my regular GP has moved out of the region.

What am I supposed to do? I reguarly find myself just wishing everything was over and done with. I am tired, and sad and overwhelmingly pointless. There has to be some sort of service I can do to and and go, 'help me, I'm at my wits end, tell me what I need to do.' 

[P12]

Hi OrangeYouGladYouMetMe.

I found nature in all of its forms to be the best comfort from similar difficulties to those you have described. It is supportive of people who are outsiders. It gives strength to aloneness. You can read about my experience in an adjacent discussion. Would you like to communicate with me? From P12.

[P12]

I also think you can achieve some of the goals you mention with perseverence. Which goal is most important to you?

[soulburner2000]

Hello OrangeYouGladYouMetMe.

I am in extremely similar circumstances to you, except I'm a bit older and have adult kids. I realised I was treatment resistant a long time ago, so I decided to remove the expensive talk-fests from my life so I'd have one less thing to be anxious about. I still take medication, if only to avoid the unbearable withdrwals, as they do little more than take the edge off.

The spiral continues downwards and I have no idea if it ever ends. That's why I'm on this site, checking out these forums - in the hope that someone can give me the smallest hint of how to find a spark, some joy, a reason to keep going. It's unbelieveable that there is no relief from this suffering, I wouldn't wish my mental and emotional torment on my worst enemy (and I have quite a few).

So, even though I know it will bring you NO comfort. all I can offer is to let you know that you're not the only one going through this crap, and that we're likely all equally oblivious about how to find our way out of the torturous maze with no exits.

Best wishes, C

[Bob_22]

Hi soulburner2000 and Orangeyougladyoumetme,

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm in a similar boat in that I was diagnosed with depression and have been living with it now for quite a while. I've also been classed with treatment resistant depression and am on medication, counselling and have had extensive ECT in the past. I've not been suicidal but there are certainly periods where its a struggle to go on. I don't think you are alone in going through this torment but I do believe there is some relief. I have found through patience and a fair amount of enough that there is hope for me. I have recently been applying for work and meeting new people online to boost my self esteem. I'm also thinking about going back to tafe for further education. I come to these forums to offer my help where I can and not feel so alone. I guess I'm writing this to let you know that there are others who are struggling and that we can make

it even though it is hard at the moment. 

Bob