Suicidal husband, how to keep myself strong?

[Lew30]

Husband has had mental health issues on going for 12 months. He gets very suicidal. He is refusing to go to the psychologist.

I feel like I'm struggling to be his support. How do I stay strong enough to help him? It's turning me into a stressed out mess .. not sure what to do..

[Quercus]

Hi Lew30 and welcome.

There is a section on the forums for people caring for another with a mental illness. I mention it because there is a theme that appears very often...

Carers need care and support too.

You're not alone in feeling stressed and exhausted. Having a mental illness isn't much fun but the loved ones we drag along the journey suffer too. Do you both have any family members you can ask to help you?

Ultimately it is your husband's choice to seek help. You can't force him to want to help himself.

However what you can do is educate him. If seeing a psychologist is not something he will do then how about a long appointment with his GP? My husband is the same. After years he finally agreed to go to the doctor and possibly take some medication.

It's a start. It might help too to get him to research the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Hubby refuses blankly to see a psychologist because he wont talk but is willing to see my psychiatrist if he gets worse. The psychiatrist is different in his mind because he is a doctor specialising in mental health.

To ease your fears have you considered training in mental health first aid? It might help you to feel more confident helping your husband. You can find courses here... http://www.livingworks.com.au.

please join in wherever suits you. You're very welcome here.

Nat

[Croix]

Dear Lew30

Seeing someone you love having suicidal thoughts is a heartbreaking, stressful and terribly worrying thing. There are some things you can try, however the most important is to know that no one person keeps another alive. It is a team effort between the medical personnel, emergency exercises, the people in that person's life -and most importantly that person himself.

Although probably the hardest thing to do is getting your husband to accept and cooperate with medical support. It is also highly important, and if you find he will not listen to you is there anyone in his life he respects that might persuade him?

The second is to see to your own welfare. The circumstances place a huge relentless burden on you, and nobody is an inexhaustible well of strenght -even if they think they are. May I suggest you see your GP and keep them informed of the situation and regularly check your own health - perhaps this might be a source of advice too.

Talking of advice the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) is really excellent, being familiar with both the family members' problems as well as those of the person with the suicidal thoughts. You may well benefit from their advice too.

There is a thing called a Safety Plan, which is something you husband can reach for quickly if becoming overwhelmed. There is one here:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

It comes with a good free smartphone app. You might help your husband fill it in. I found it did take some else that knows me very well to fill it full of all the things I can fall back on (including books and music). Trying to fill it in by myself was a poor effort.

Do you have anyone in your life to help and support you? Trying to keep in top of all this in isolation is very hard.

You are very welcome to talk things over here anytime

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Lew, unfortunately, this can occur quite frequently, so your husband's mental illness is affecting not only him but also you, Nat and Croix have offered you some great advice so I don't need to repeat, only to empathise that it's so important for you to regain your strength, and at the moment you aren't able to do this, because everytime your husband says he wants to do something, that's when your reaction might be to cry, that's not your fault at all.

When you're in a situation like this you simply can't be a solid brick wall, in other words, you haven't received any help to know what to do or what to say, so you need to look after yourself.

There must be reasons why he doesn't want to see a psychologist, possible suggestions could be that he has heard about a mate who had no luck, frightened of taking medication or knows that it may bring up some feelings he doesn't want to talk about.

Some of this may help but please can you go to your GP.

It's a concerning comment so please keep in touch with us.

Geoff.