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Partner of 10 years has shut me out

Community Member

Hi all,

My partner of 10 years has been suffering from depression and anxiety for a while now. He started treatment about 4 months ago. He is an alcoholic in denial and uses drinking to self medicate as well as the medication he has been prescribed.

We don’t live together and over the past few weeks he has ignored the majority of my messages and texts. I’ve seen him twice in 3 weeks where we would usually see each other most days. 4 days ago he told me he would call after work and never did. I found out he was at the pub with some friends. I also found out that night that he had told another woman that he loves her. I messaged him about it and he denied it.

The next day I asked him to call me to discuss and he told me that he was trying to sleep and that he had been arrested and fired from his job that day. He refused to say anymore so I called his mum who told me that he had had a bit of a meltdown the night before, had never come home and they had found him drunk on the school oval where he works.

Since then he has told me that he needs space and that he can’t deal with any arguments right now. I have not heard from him since.

I want to know what I should do? I know that he is suffering and I want to support him. At the same time I am suffering too, I can’t eat or sleep obsessing about what has happened with this other woman and what is going on with him and what is going to happen with us.

i just wish that he would have a discussion with me so that if the relationship is over I know and can grieve. At the moment I have just had days of radio silence, I have no idea what is going on and I feel like I’m in limbo.

I worry that he will just never contact me again. I don’t know how to cope.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi May, welcome.

I'm sorry to suggest I hear alarm bells. His distancing himself from you, not andwering texts and you hearing he loves another woman is all pointing to the inevitable.

I'm afraid you might not get the answers you would like in order to move forward so its a painful way to end a relationship.

You cant force people to behave a certain way but I'd suggest that he is not acting in a way that is loving and caring.

Ive had 4 long term relationships. None were easy to leave behind. But given time and finding a more compatible partner can bring you stability and the care you deserve.

If you are in a bad place you can repost here or ring the number at the bottom of this page.

Tony WK