Sparkey
welcome to the forum This place is full of kind caring and supportive people.
For your well being , the important thing is to understand that although these words are spoken to you, they are not about you.
They are the result of your husband's depressed behaviour.
He may he is losing control of - himself, his emotions, his life - and as a response he may react verbally, and you're on the receiving end. His list of the things he felt were your bad points are about his self loathing and lack of control and so he takes it out on you.
Deep down he knows his behaviour is un acceptable so he apologises.
As you wrote your husband has apologised but each time he does the pain builds up adding to the last outburst., Can you start to take an step back, so that you can help yourself from the effect of him lashing out?
I think it's important to become clear about what you will and you will not put up with this.
This can take some doing, and you may require some help with this.
I know someone who used a visual cue of a traffic light , so green the conversation was fine then amber prepare to stop, be careful it is getting inappropriate , then red is stop.
That may not suit you but you get the idea, also by keeping it visual then you don't need extra words.
Obviously when he is feeling well is the time to talk about how his outbursts make you feel and how you need to look after yourself and how you know it is his depression talking and how much you love him.
You are not alone. You are doing a great job caring for your husband and your daughter. We are here to listen and support.
Quirky
