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My son: Is he or is he not a narcissist and how should I react?

Aknitter
Community Member

I'm feeling anxious as I write this as I contemplate whether my son could possibly commit an act that will be dangerous.

My young adult son is a deep thinker who has been ruminating on the ills of modern societal systems. He is anti-technology and against "the system". He feels the changes that are happening in terms of artificial intelligence, automation, loss of individual freedoms and privacy are detrimental and feels that it is "his duty" to do something (possibly drastic) to rectify the situation.

He doesn't have a history of violence, but is such a self-motivated person that I fear he might act on some of these thoughts. He seems to have the grandiose ideas of a narcissist but I really don't know. I am veryconcerned for his mental health but he says he is ok, and I know it's extremely unlikely he would seek counselling anyway.

I don't want to close the channels of communication during this stressful time in his life or make him feel like a monster for thinking revolutionary thoughts, but I don't know where the appropriate boundary lies.

Thanks for reading this far and for the opportunity to get some of these thoughts out of my head.

4 Replies 4

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Aknitter

First have to say you're such a beautiful parent to be so caring and concerned about your son in such a way. He's lucky to have you looking out for him.

I'm a mum to a 19yo gal and 16yo guy and I have to say they're 2 of the most wonderful people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. They're packed with wonder. We actually tend to wonder a lot together. From the nature of reality through to the many aspects of human nature, there are times where we just can't help ourselves. I imagine your son's a wonderful person too, he wonders a heck of a lot. Sounds like he may be a bit of a philosopher or analyst of sorts. I imagine he's reached a lot of logical conclusions. I believe what we do with our conclusions is perhaps what's most questionable. This is what you sound most concerned about, what he's going to do based on his conclusions.

Wonder if it would make some difference to steer him away from such conclusions. For example, while he may have intensely studied/analysed the impact of technology on modern society, has he ever wondered about studying the impact of nature on society and how society's moved away from what's natural to some degree? The other end of the spectrum, what's natural compared to what's artificial, could be something worth considering. While technology in a variety of forms is great, in other forms it tends to lead people in the wrong direction, away from what's naturally good for them.

I've found most wonderful people are easily triggered. You can trigger them to wonder about pretty much anything. The question may come down to 'What can I trigger my son to wonder about, that doesn't involve the destructive aspects of modern technology?'. Could ask him 'Have you ever wondered about how your cells vibrate at a subatomic level and how you can manipulate their vibration?' or 'Have you ever wondered about what 'feelings' or emotions (certain energies in motion) really are?'. If you trigger him to wonder about something he can't help but be fascinated about, it might lead him in a whole other direction. Wonderful people can be easily distracted. They can be distracted by giving them something incredible to imagine. I imagine your son also has a brilliant imagination.

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Aknitter, hi and welcome.

As your son is feeling this, can I ask if he is any different to how we felt while growing up, hile at school don't we question hat we're told to do as it doesn't seem to be appropriate to what we ant to do, and interferes with our routine and perhaps we are still the same as we grow older.

I'm not saying it's the right or wrong way to feel, but it's good that he can open up to you and doesn't mean he's going to carry on doing what he believes.

Our parents while growing up, didn't believe or understand what we thought or belive e ould go through with our intentions, and even agreeing on ho we went out with, was it to their satisfaction.

If you can just keep an eye on him, youngsters have ideas that change as they experience life and as they start to mature.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Aknitter,

To answer your thread title the best I can...No, I don’t think he is a narcissist person....I lived with one for 38 years...a narcissistic person...I think the easiest way to describe a narcissist person is..that they use everyone around them with emotion, physical and mental abuse for their gain...They don’t care how many people they hurt, to make them feel like they are the “King of the crop” the most important person on earth....

I think your son has a passion on world affairs and the effect it’s having on humans.....I like what the rising has suggested about maybe trying to turn his passion around onto something else...

My neighbour is like a bomb..ready to explode about different world events....It got that bad that I stopped visiting her...I got frightened of her and her remarks and attitude towards the world....it’s leaders, new technology etc....I think I know how your feeling...these words are her anger of what’s happening in today’s age...She sits glued to the news and current affair program, which fuels her anger...which is really sad...because she cannot enjoy her life in the now, in the present time....all her energy is going onto something that’s beyond her control....and she is missing out on enjoying her life now...

Maybe, just a gentle suggestion, that he might need to talk his fears out with a professional person...your son’s GP can help him with getting a professional person...If he is hesitant maybe you could offer to go with him...

Here if you need to talk Lovely Aknitter..anytime.

My kindest thoughts with my care dear Aknitter..

Grandy..

jaz28
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Aknitter,

I am sorry to hear this but kudos to you for being a caring enough parent to seek help and advice. The beyond blue hotline is also always available on 1300 22 4636.

It is hard to say whether someone is narcissistic....and it is often not diagnosed because narcissists are rarely aware they have a mental health problem so they are unwilling to seek help...its a cycle of grandiose "there's nothing wrong with me" thoughts...

It seems like your son has passionate views, maybe he needs to focus on some more productive and peaceful ways to make a change. E.g. attend a peaceful protest or join an online group of people with the same views.

He can always speak to his doctor or professional as Grandy said if the thoughts are intrusive and bothering him.

I hope everything is okay,

jaz xx