My partner threatens suicide but refuses to get help

[Lesa]

My partners depression got really bad when we had our daughter who is now 16 months. He says I dont have time for him now we have a child and says that now he has given me a baby he may as well just die. He has suffered alot of hardship in his life and his business has been struggling since Covid which has put us in a very difficult financial position so he feels lots pf shame and guilt. He takes anti depressants and medication for ADHD but his Psychartrist is so busy he isn't managing the situation and i dont know what to do. He threatens suicide often and tells me that he has nothing to live for. I don't know what to do, I walk on eggshells because he is so sensitive he creates things to be angry at me about. Sometimes I feel like he hates me and tries to drive me away so he has an excuse to end his life. I don't know what to do or who to turn too. The doctors and Psychatrists can only help if rhe person is willing to help themselves. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Lesa, 

Welcome to the Forums. We're so sorry to hear what's going on with your partner. It sounds like a really scary, difficult time. We can imagine there is a lot of stress on both of you with your young child, his business struggles and the financial difficulties.

I’m sure we’ll hear from the community soon, but in the meantime, we wanted to share a couple of pages with you in case they interest you:

• Worried about someone suicidal
• When someone you care about won’t seek support

It's extremely important to consider your own wellbeing. If you’d like any more ideas or information on this, feel free to have a look at our pages on looking after yourself while supporting someone. 

The Beyond Blue counsellors are here for you if you’d like to talk this through on 1300 22 4636, or via online chat. It is so important that you look after yourself during these times and they can help you, or just be there if you want to talk.

If at any point you feel he's in immediate danger of taking his own life, call Triple Zero (000) for an ambulance or call or chat online to Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Thanks again for sharing here. We really appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing and offering your support here on the forums, so we hope you can be kind to yourself also through this time.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Lesa]

Thank you for your reply. I read through communicating with someone who Is suicidal but he attacks me no matter how gentle I am. He verbally attacks me over very trivial things, for example this morning I skipped a song he liked and he accused me of doing so to hurt him in some way and then made a comment that my behaviour is a big part of his depression and hes not going to hold back anymore telling me whats wrong with me. I am walking on eggshells and feel like my reality is being twisted constantly. I am afraid to leave him because of his depression but I also feel like I can't live in this volatile situation  with my daughter. Who will look out for him if I'm gone? I don't know what to do. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Lesa, 

Thanks for getting back to us and sharing this update. That sounds really difficult to deal with. 

In a healthy relationship, you should be communicated and treated with respect. We can hear it feels like your reality is being twisted and things are really volatile, that's not ok, you should feel safe at home. We'd recommend reaching out to the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss how this is impacting you, they're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here.

Thank you again for your strength in sharing here, our kind community will be here to offer their support and understanding.  

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[indigo22]

Hi Lesa,

I am sorry to hear about your current situation, I am sure it is very uncomfortable and difficult for you.

You said that the problems have been worse since having your daughter. What was your husband's state of mind like prior to that time? Was he stabilised on his medication? You also said the psychiatrist is busy and not managing the situation. Have you reached out to the psychiatrist to let him know how bad things are getting? If you have, and you are not getting the help you need, perhaps it is time to look for a different psychiatrist, after all it is their job to look at their patients needs and make adjustments where necessary. You should not have to carry all of the burden and look after a baby. Please come back to this conversation and let us know how you are and how things are going. You are not alone, there are many here to support you.

Your safety and that of your daughter needs to be your priority for you at the moment, your husbands mental health needs to be handled by people who know how to help him. As Sophie_M said, if things get bad, call 000 so he can get the help he needs.

indigo22