My long term partner has depression and anxiety

[Annanora]

Hi, I am just hoping to get some answer and suggestions. I myself has always been a person with negative thoughts and spent 2 years of my life in th past thinking about ending my life. I never push myself to see a doctor or psychologist because I knew I had had to push myself yo be the stronger one at home. My partner of 7 years, he suffers from depression and anxiety due to a very bad childhood and many other unfortunate event in life.

For the last 7 years i have put in everything all my heart and mind to help him to improve. I have supported him with 90% of daily tasks, I do most the work at home and I have a full time job. He too does have a full time job. I thought I could look after him and help him with encouragement and support but nothing has gotten better for the last 5 years since he diagnose with depression. For all these 5 years he had been very cold and distanced which upset me a lot. He wouldn't hold my hand, nor attend anything with me even my family dinner for 95% of the time. I do most of the things alone and he always decline my offer to take him out. I am not sure if these 5 years i was just dealing with his depression or was I dealing with himself.

Here I am 5 years later, being uncertain wether I should leave. It is the last thing I want to do and it would be very concerning what would happen to him if I told him about breaking out relationship. I have always hoped he would get better but 5 years has gone and I am just thinking wether I should consider myself first.

For the last month I have been crying every single day and I dont know what to do.

[PamelaR]

Hi Annanora and welcome to our community forums

Depression and anxiety are the pits at times aren't they? Especially when you a supporting someone who is experiencing these things.

Not sure how much you've looked around our website. One of the things that I've learnt from here is - when you care for someone with depression and anxiety, it is real important to look after yourself. There is a great deal of good information available if you do a search using the search field at the top of the page. Keywords you could use include - supporting someone.

If it were me, I would contact Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277.

Also, you say you've spent the last couple of years wanting to end your life. That is so sad Annanora. My heart goes out to you. Have you seen anyone about how you are feeling? For example, your GP and a health professional?

Please know, that you are not alone. If you feel like you are in danger of hurting yourself, call emergency services on 000. Other services available to talk to are:

• Suicide Call back Services 1300 659 467
• Lifeline 13 11 14
• Beyond Blue Support Services 1300 224 636

You can also chat online to these services if you want. Go to their website where you can find their chat line services and the hours they are available.

Keep reaching out, if and when you want to Annanora.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[IPlay]

Hey Annanora,

Maybe you could get your partner to help you this time? If you approach it with them in a way that is framed as you are the one now looking for help from them, it might give them a sense of usefulness and self worth to know that they are being asked to be the helper instead of the helpee for once. It might lessen their feelings of guilt and being a burden if they have those feelings (common to have). Keep it open to the possibility of helping each other so you can start to reshape the relationship to give and take rather than you feeling like you just give give give.

Keep it general at first, approach them and say you think you have depression and that you think they could give you some advice and help. Use these forums to practice if you need to. I think you should be honest with your partner of 7 years before you decide on ending it. You don't always need to be the strong one, even if they are suffering. You can suffer together! 😛

I do hope this advice helps. You can do this. Check in here again.

[PamelaR]

Hi Annanora

Just checking in to see how you are Annanora. No need to respond if you don't want to. All good.

Kind regards

PamelaR