My friend is abused, I need serious help with this.

[_IDontKnow_]

Her: Ok well..
Her: I guess ill tell u
Her: My parents aren't the nicest they always abuse verbally and motionly, Ik they do it for the good of me but Sometimes they dont understand how much it hurts, One main reason why I such bad self estem is because of my parents believe it or not they call me ugly, super skinny, a brat a horrible daughter and sometimes I feel so bad I feel like hiding and never coming out..
Me: How long has this been happening?
Her: ever since I was like 7
Her: Pls dont tell anyone I dont want help
Her: I only told u cuz u asked.
Me: I wont tell anyone, don't worry. Its good that you at least told someone though. It helps to get it off of your chest. (White Lie, She needs help.)
Her: Yeah it does but it doesnt help that much
Her: Oh well i guess I will have to live with it
Me: wait
Me: have you told your relatives about it?
Her: And trust me I have tried being a better kid, they still don't care
Me: also, why dont you want help?
Her: And yes I have told my relatives they tell my parents to stop, they do but then forget and do it again without knowning
Her: I dont want help cuz I just dont I dont want ppl knowning I dont want others to feel sorry for me, It doesnt help and I dont want them to be sad etheir (This is the part that I cant help with. She refuses to get help, even when I try.)
Her: Im ok tho and I just gotta get thru this by myslef and have resilient
Me: I see. If you need help, Ms. Dawson(School counsellor) is the go-to. She won't feel sad or sorry, she can help.
Her: I dont want help its ok but thx for asking
Me: Okay. How often does this happen?
Her: Nearly everyday its ok Im used to it

Info: She is thirteen years of age, pretty much the nicest person you will ever meet, and extremely intelligent, but yeah, abused and low self esteem. It is horrible, and thats why i came here for help.

[jess334]

Hi I Don't Know.

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad that you decided to get some help with this. Responding to another persons abuse disclosure is a difficult process.

I think you have done a great job of listening to her without passing judgment which is really important.

Your friend says she doesn't want help. This is tricky because as you said it sounds like she really needs it. Unfortunately you can't force her to get help or to tell anyone else. If you do she might clam up and refuse to talk about it again.

What you can do is be there for her and keep listening. You can keep gently suggesting she gets help. Maybe offer to go to the councillor with her for support?

It's also really important that you get help to deal with this. Supporting someone through abuse can be very distressing for people. Can you talk to your mum and dad or other family member?

Can you tell me how old your friend is? Does she have any younger brothers or sisters who could be suffering from the same abuse? If so - she might want to tell someone for their sake.

If you are really worried about the health and safety of your friend, if you think the abuse is worse than she is letting on then you can always report it on her behalf. This should be a last resort because if your friend denies it when asked nothing will come of it and she will probably feel like she can't trust anyone enough to tell them again.

However - if your friend does have younger siblings who cannot speak up and who are suffering the same abuse I would report it to your parents and then your councillor. Your friend sounds old enough to make her own decisions about who and when to tell. Younger children don't have the same ability. Try and get your friend to report it for their sake if this is the case.

I know just listening to her might not seem like much, but honestly in these situations it is all we can do until they are ready to tell someone else.

You can also keep chatting to us here - 😊

Jess