My beautiful daughter is sick... and I need help

[Elpis52]

I am a first time poster (I only recently joined the site). I am a father of a beautiful 17 yr old girl that has had a terrible year dealing with her mental illness that is sourced in anxiety and depression. I have so many emotions flowing through my body; all negative- fear, helplessness, guilt, anxiety,,,, I could go on.

I really feel after 18 months of dealing with this that I need to reach out and talk to some people about how I feel and how I might be able to support my daughter better by dealing with my own emotions and reactions better.

So few people in my day to day life have any idea of what I (and my daughter's mum) are dealing with. And nor do I expect them to really. But what I feel I need now is a place where I can talk to people who understand what my lil girl is going through and what being a parent of a child with enormous mental health challenges is like.

I really hope that I can become an active and supportive member of the Beyond Blue community.

Elpis 52

[white knight]

Welcome Elpis

I'm 62yo with bipolar, depression and dysthymia. A few years ago my daughter now 29yo in a promising teacher career developed anxiety and depression and now bipolar.

At first I nlamed myself but that doesnt help matters. Over those years I've learned a number of things.

• that support can be as little as a hand on the shoulder. It doesnt have to involve full on support/talking, "save the world" effort everytime
• That over time she has a good chance of recovering enough to live a happy life
• That a balance if all treatment is best. Psychs, GP, medication, forums and so on. Bearing in mind 70% of people wont understand her health issues so try to sway her away from others opinions that are often counter productive.
• Further education may be a hindrance to her mental health. Consult her GP. A change in daily environment can be beneficial like working a job for a year or two.

You can google the following

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue Topic depression a ship on the high seas

Beyondblue Topic be radical

I hope that helps.

TonyWK

[Elpis52]

Dear WK

Thank you so much for responding so quickly and so helpfully. I will definitely look at those resources you have referred me to. And thank you for being so generous with your story and background. Just knowing there are other people out there that have experienced and felt what I am feeling is enormously comfortable.

Merry Christmas to you and your family WK. And thank you again.

Elpis 52

[Doolhof]

Dear Elpis52,

Hello to you and welcome to the community here. I see that White Knight has already responded to you and offered some suggestions.

I would also like to suggest that you have a look at the Beyond Blue web site if yo have not already done so. There are some great resources, including how to help people who suffer from depression and mental health issues.

Depression, anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder run through my family. Gatherings can be very interesting with family members all going through their own stuff! I celebrated Christmas with some of my family on Saturday! I was ready to run out the door after being there just 5 minutes!

Hopefully you will find some ways to assist your daughter and also ways to build up your own sense of self and that of your wife's.

You are right when you say that some people just don't understand. I have these illnesses and I don't understand why my mind does what it does!

I've also borrowed various books from the library and had them order some in to help me better understand my own issues.

I do wish you and your family a Merry Christmas. Sometimes a few minutes alone to deal with thoughts can be extremely beneficial.

Cheers to you all from Dools

[Nippet25]

Hi Elpis52,

I'll begin by saying you are a wonderful parent and your daughter is blessed to have you looking out for her. I'm not a parent myself, but I did have depression/anxiety from age 11 onwards and was diagnosed at 20. I just wanted to say that its really important to look after your mental health too and to seek professional help when needed. Caring for someone with depression can be exhausting and takes its toll on your own state of mind. A Google search of mental health coping strategies yields many helpful tips, but I agree with white knight in that seeking help from a range of modalities is the most beneficial for both of you.

Just listening and being a shoulder to cry on is sometimes all that we want. A psychologist/counsellor may be helpful if your daughter isn't already seeing one. Its relieving as a patient sometimes to just have someone else to talk to without judgement or guilt. I'm not saying you would judge your daughter or make her feel guilty, but that's how I felt (for no reason) when I tried to talk to my family, and maybe she feels similar too?

Know that things will get better in time. It can take a long time with many ups and downs, but with the right support your daughter will emerge stronger each time! 🙂

[Elsie1]

Hi Elpis52. I have accessed this site today because I need help to understand and support my daughter who has been going through anxiety and depression over the last few years. It has escalated in the last 3 years since she graduated high school as a high achiever and hit rock bottom in Uni. She quit Uni and has a part-time job. Your post hit me right in the heart as it is similar to what my husband and I are going through. We need to re-educate ourselves to be consistent in our support. I also realise we all need to talk as a family with someone about our feelings as when we try to talk at home it blows up.