Ice and paranoia. My heart is broken.
This is not an easy topic to talk about. I have just had a look and read some past forum threads about this very topic. I guess I am looking for reassurance, something, anything in fact to confirm my understanding as to the nature of ice dependency.
My partner (or ex) of ten years began using the drug almost three years ago. We were living apart at the time, however would see each other every ten weeks or so. Things started to spiral out of control during the first year of the pandemic. When we were able to see each other, I did notice some odd behaviour on one occasion. This was some paranoia that people were parked outside and watching through the window. I thought it was odd at first, but left soon after and didn’t think of it again.
This was until things spiralled out of control.
About 9 months ago, the accusations started of me disrespecting him and allegations of infidelity. I was devastated but knew in myself that there was no evidence or proof of this ever occurring. First the accusations were made about mutual friends, then his friends, then names of people I do not know whether they even exist. Following that it was accusations of me not being at work but having gone abroad on weekend getaways with alleged flings. The constant need to be reassured (by him) and for me to reassure him (for myself) has been an endless cycle with very little relief. I have been accused of changing my ears in order to have sound devices hidden in them, of having false numbers saved in my phone, unknown numbers are believed to be ‘flings’ phoning to make fun of my partner and the fact we are ‘tricking him’, listening devices under the bed, in corners of the ceiling, buzzing devices actually inserted inside of myself and the constant need for reassurance that I did not have devices inside of me. A few times I have had to leave the home and after he had dropped me off with family members, he has accused me of not actually being there. This is but a few of the paranoid beliefs that have escalated. At times I have been frightened, and right now we are not living anywhere near each other.
Both of us however, are broken hearted. Him because he truly believes I have betrayed him in so many ways, and me because the beautiful man I love and have loved, is now tormented but also cruel. I have begged him to get help, for his own piece of mind and in the rare lucid moments, he gets close to seeking help but after using, the drugs take over again and he obsesses over these alleged ‘infidelities’ I have made against him. It got so bad that the last time we were together, he accused me of organising to meet up with random strangers who were simply shopping at the same time as us. He will often say he knows he is being ridiculous but his ‘gut and heart’ tell him I am lying to him, and making a fool out of him. I don’t doubt that it must be a terrible way to feel however it seems nothing I can do can reassure him, and as much as he is suffering, I am suffering too dealing with this but also standing back and watching someone you love so much just become owned by substance abuse. He has told me on a number of occasions I have caused it. I don’t believe this is true. I myself am not a drug or alcohol user as I have seen first hand the damage abuse can cause. I just don’t know what to do, and I know walking away entirely is the most logical thing but I know he has so much to gain from getting help. I understand this drug eventually takes away from the ability of the brain to rational. I guess the point of this post is as much for me seeking reassurance, as it is to know what to do when you love someone drug dependent, and want them to know you want to support them.
I am sorry to hear you are experiencing this. I too am struggling with a similar situation and am finding it difficult to navigate the situation.
My partner also has delusional thoughts and accuses me of cheating on him or sneaking around. What I find difficult is knowing the truth and I have never ever thought about cheating or talking to anyone else but being completely unable to prove as he accuses me of deleting texts, which I do not do.
today I have reached out to some psychologists in hopes that I will be able to get some help for myself.
I feel your pain in loving this person and wanting to be helpful but also knowing deep down that it is causing you a lot of pain and trauma.
I hope you are able to talk to someone about what you are going through. Even reading your post has made me realise that I am not alone in feeling how I do.
Thank you so much for your reply LunaLily1.
I also am accused every day of deleting messages. Like you, I have never once cheated, nor contemplated being unfaithful, even when I know others in my social circle would tell me to walk away and meet someone new (if they knew exactly how bad things have been). I am sorry you are also going through this. It is so difficult as the gaslighting behaviour I have been able to compartmentalise, because I know I’m my heart I haven’t actually committed any act of betrayal, however after a while, it does wear you down and make you believe you in fact have caused it, despite knowing you haven’t been unfaithful, or done anything wrong. If this makes sense. Thank you immensely for reaching out.
Thankyou for having the courage to put Crystal Meth into a thread topic...
I understand the pain/anguish you are going through and its not a good place to be in....I am currently 'trying to assist' a close family friend that has a chronic addition to crystal meth for the last 3 years
You are not alone where meth is concerned Louise29
Im Paul....a volunteer on the forums
Hi Louise 29,
Wellcome to our forums!
Im sorry you are going through this and you’re ex partner.
I understand it’s so hard to watch someone you love go through any type of addiction.
Please google Kyle Quilly Quilausing he was a crystal meth addict he spent 10 years in a high custody jail he walked out of prison sober and hasn’t looked back since…. He may be able to provide you with HOPE and inspiration.
Kyle now goes to schools and educates them in the dangers of drugs…… his motto is “ Stay Humble Pray”.
I really hope that your ex partner can turn his life around and intervene with his addiction.
Theres always HOPE
Hello Louise, I am really sorry this has been happening because overcoming any addiction is certainly not easy, alcohol is a legally accepted material but this doesn't make it any easy than any illegal substance to stop, only that there are places where alcoholics can go without the harm people relate these drugs with.
The greatest problem is that any addiction can and will destroy relationships, families and marriages in so many different ways that we never thought were imaginable.
The main thrust of this is to only hope the person decides to stop by themselves but in many cases, this isn't possible, only because people need to keep using it to carry on with what satisfies them and helps them through the day, as addiction is taken daily and not looked at what will happen in four days time.
If you could look at this 'https://www.healthdirect.gov.au, ICE (Crystal Meth) Healthdirect' may provide some answers.
Finding ways to try and make him rationalise when he's using it can be impossible because what's said is not true, although he believes it's happening and can sway his mind away from the truth and makes your chore to help him, not imaginable.
I have known people to use this drug but were, fortunately, able to stop, although they used it only once or twice but someone using it on a daily basis needs to find the money to purchase it.
It's a difficult position you're in and sometimes, walking away is the only benefit that will help you.
How's things going for you know Louise?
This subject is very close to my heart as my once beautifully natured adult daughter is now just a slither of who she once was. She's been on n off it for a few years now & I've done everything I possibly could over the years to help her help herself. But help is a process and takes a lot of time & energy to get through the steps.
My daughter is now being evicted, hasn't even got a car, a job or anything. I can't take her in even though she will be homeless any time soon because I can't have anyone with a drug addiction in my home. I have watched my beautiful natured girl go from strength down to the gutter over the years. She has tried so hard to pick herself up to no avail.
It's the most heartbreaking feeling to know my daughter will be homeless thus winter, but being her mother walking away is not emotionally possible.
I do hope things have settled a bit for you and anybody else reading this post.
ICE has destroyed so many families, we all wish this nightmare would stop.