Husband with GAD

[Home4U]

Where do I Start....

My husband suffers from GAD and Depression. He has been dealing with this for pretty much as long as we have been together, although in the past couple of years it has become much worse. We have been together for 18 Years, married for almost 14.

He has been hospitilsed in the past for suicide thoughts, thankfully he overcame that period.

He is really struggling at the moment with his anxiety levels, where we live it is almost impossible to get into see a specialist (over a 9 mth wait for one that was recommended !). The general practice Dr is good, but I think it is beyond his experience and it is not good at following up on the mental health of his patient. I guess we just have to be more assertive in asking for the help he needs.

I am at loss as to how to help him, apart from just being there to listen to how is he feeling. I see the worry in his face, the kids see it also ( we have 2 boys). Our sex life does not exist, I can't recall the last time we made love. Our relationship has certainly changed. We don't argue, never really have. He does everything he can to try and help himself, he exercises regularly, he is back doing the mindfulness meditation, he is on a SSIR, the GP even put him on a mood stabilizer also, but nothing seems to be helping to ease the GAD.

As a partner of someone suffering from this, it is HARD, I feel guilty to even right that because it no doubt does not even come close to how bad and hard it is for him to deal with GAD/Depression every day. I don't really talk to anyone about it, I feel like it isn't my place to let others know of his/our struggles, it is his private health information.

I just do not know what to do, I can see him getting to the point where he will want to give up, can't see the light so to speak. He is off to the DR again today to try and get him to arrange an appointment with a specialist. I told him not to leave his office until he had an appointment. Fingers Crossed.

I am at a loss.

[blondguy]

Hello Home4U

My apologies for the delay in you receiving a reply Home4U. We pride ourselves in answering new members posts as soon as we can. Unfortunately we have missed your thread

I am bumping your thread up in the 'New Posts'...I used to have chronic anxiety (GAD) for a long time and yes it can be a dark place to be in....on and off for about 35 years...ugh!

Please bear with me while I resurrect your new thread as current

my kindest thoughts

Paul

[blondguy]

Hi Home4U

You are doing everything possible to help and yes this is very hard to deal with as a partner/carer.

I understand what your husband is going through as his symptoms are the same as mine used to be. Can I ask about the frequency of your husbands' counseling/therapy? I did read that your GP may not have the the 'depth' of care that your husband requires...and yes that would make recovery more difficult for sure

You are a very understanding partner being there for your husband. Does your GP have an understanding of mental health? I still see my doc every 4 weeks for a 'fine tune' as most GP's have a better understanding where anxiety/depression is concerned now compared when I tried to seek assistance in the 1980's

I feel for your sons as you said they will 'notice' and possibly be effected by a parent with this awful yet common condition

Just from my own experience with diagnosed anxiety/depression....

• the earlier this issues are treated the better (and sometimes quicker) our recovery will be
• frequent therapy/counseling (weekly...fortnightly) is also a great healer too
• I understand you mentioned medication and thankyou....It helps us help you...This is my 22nd year taking a small dose of SSRI's....after I was very anti meds. I was firmly 'told' by my female GP to take them and she was spot on. In conjunction with frequent counseling the meds helped me build a solid platform on which I could heal using all the coping mechanisms/counseling available
• You are right when you mentioned that it is your husbands' personal health information.....except that it may be having an affect on you and your boys.....
• Having this treated is very hard work (for your husband primarily) that requires strength and determination

The good news 🙂 The severity of anxiety and/or depressive symptoms can be reduced with ongoing frequent therapy and if prescribed...medication

The peace of mind is there for your husband Home4U. Its up to him to make the commitment to 'own' the illness and be determined to heal....not just for his own benefit...for you and the boys too!

The forums are a Safe and Non judgemental place for you to post. There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you

I really hope you can post back whenever its convenient for you Home4U

my kind thoughts

Paul

[geoff]

Hello Home4U, I'd like to welcome you to the forums and join Paul in apologising for having late replies, but more importantly, hope you are still on the forums.

I believe by a specialist you mean a 'psychologist' or a 'psychiatrist' and there are a couple of online ways he can talk to a counsellor.

I will put them in the next reply as they will be held back until the moderators check it.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Home4U, can I also welcome you to the forums and apologise that your thread has been missed and join Paul with his comments.

You might be surprised that other people you know maybe pretending that everything is OK when in actual fact, they too are wanting to talk with someone they know.

No one can expect that people around them are all having a wonderful time, anxiety and depression are too powerful and can happen suddenly and be an enormous problem, so you aren't alone.

There are online sites where you can talk to someone and by a specialist, do you mean a psychologist or psychiatrist, however, just copy and paste these in your google bar:

-free online counselling chat 24/7

-https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/how-we-can-help/chat-to-a-counsellor

-https://www.talkspace.com/

-www.yourpsychonline.com/

-https://healthengine.com.au/appointments/psychologist/

-https://livehealthonline.com/psychology/

Hope these help.

Geoff.

[PamelaR]

Hi Home4U

I'd like to welcome you to our community also. Paul's response is spot on. There isn't much more I can add. Perhaps just some of my own experiences -

I too have anxiety, depression and PTSD. My partner has the same. Our household has been quite interesting over the years. With one up or down and the other one in the opposite direction. I find because of my PTSD when my husband's anxious - it passes over to me. It's actually funny now when I see what's happening and understand it. But it hasn't been.

One of the biggest things I've had to learn is 'Not to be the Saviour'. I used to go into 'saving' mode when he was down. My therapist got me to look at why I did this. Consequently I don't do this anymore. He has to heal himself. I'm there to support but can't do the healing for him.

Anxiety is something to learn to live with. Being fearful of the fear only makes it worst. I'm sure these are things your hubby will learn once he sees a specialist.

In the meantime, like Paul said - you need to look after yourself and the boys too. Keep reaching out here, if and when you want to. You're not alone Home4U.

Kind regards

PamelaR.

[white knight]

Hi Home 4 u

Good sound replies from my colleagues Paul and Pamela.

I'd like to mention the lack of love making. Sexual satisfaction can be an issue we commonly, for obvious reasons, shove under the carpet, yet is can be pivotal to our happiness levels and self confidence. It also allows us to connect on a warm conversation post the experience.

Between 2003 and 2009 when I was first misdiagnosed and hence took the wrong medications (12) which in turn many of them adversely effected my sex drive. Even so, I received a script for a pill to alleviate the problem- fully! Having been through that period where I believed my drive had been extinguished forever and it hadn't, I'm confident your husband has a good chance of resurrecting himself in that regard.

I was lucky, once off those meds all went back to normal. But, I'm 62 now and when those symptoms reappear I'm again confident that help can be sort.

So, how about a trip to your GP to discuss this? Often these issues compound other issues.

Google- Beyondblue topic happy marriage hobby and spirit

Best of luck.

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Home4U, welcome to the forums.

I did reply to you much earlier but will do so again tomorrow.

Take care.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Home4U, those replies have come through I'm not sure of the delay, never mind.

Geoff.