Husband with Bipolar Disorder

Chocolate68 · ‎26-04-2014

Hi there, my husband has had bipolar disorder for over 20 years, wasn't so noticeable or frequent years ago but as he gets older, there are 2-3 major episodes each year. Starts off with insomnia and trouble getting motivated, through to exhaustion then hyper mania for a few months then onto the downward spiral to depression. He is currently going through another episode, its been 6-8 weeks now on hyper mania and he has been taking anti-depressant and sleeping medication which is not helping. Last week he went to the Dr and was prescribed a mood stabiliser, which he now refuses to take.

I am deeply concerned as this manic episode is getting out of control, he is confrontational, berating, not rational thoughts or suggestions, not acting responsively, and trying to reorganise the house (moving everything around and "de cluttering") and being hyper all the time and not being able to stay still. We are sleeping in different rooms as he is up all night, then crashes for an hour or two, then up again and buzzing around trying to "change the world". For the past few days he says he's been really dizzy and unable to stay still and has to keep moving.

Monday we are back at the Drs for another assessment, I will tell the Dr that he is not taking his medication and suggest that he must see a psychiatrist.

I feel totally exhausted with all his "in your face" behaviour, the kids understand that Dad's not well and know not to push things otherwise he just freaks out. I am very cautious when he is around, not that he would hurt us, but I don't know what's going on in his mind. I feel as though he needs time away from us, and I don't really love him the way he is. I know he is sick and it's the illness that I hate, not him, but I can't even be in the same room with him as he makes me feel so uncomfortable. This is not a good environment to be in, I have stress enough at work, and with the kids, school and a step father terminally ill with cancer, I don't know how long I can take his behaviour.

I have no other family support here, his friends have noticed a change in his behaviour (some say he has been acting a little strange) but when I say this to him he thinks that I am making it up and it's me that has the problem, and apparently everyone else understands him but me.

He blames me for the way he is feeling, he constantly seeks my OK for things that he does (when he doesn't need to) and believes that I say things when I don't (words in his mouth). He says that he knows I hate him (which I don't). He says that he hates me as I never compliment him and that I always say that he's never good at anything (which I don't). I just shut up now as I don't want to get into an argument.

As for rearranging the house, at 3am the other morning I woke up to him clearing out the kitchen pantry (to de-clutter) and everything was out everywhere. At the moment, he is in the bathroom rearranging the vanity unit, putting stuff from the kitchen into the bathroom and vice versa. It's exhausting and depressive!

Anyone want to talk or have some advice.

Vanessa

Chocolate68 · ‎27-04-2014

Just an update. After being on the phone to the Mental Health Triage staff today and an independent Doctor, my husband was visited by 2 Mental Health Nurses this afternoon and admitted to hospital for assessment. He will stay there for a day or two until his mental health condition has been assessed and his medication is sorted out before he is released. At least I can sleep tonight knowing that he is in good hands, and the kids and I are safe.

Pixie15 · ‎27-04-2014

Hi Vanessa,

I read your first post and was trying to think of a response when I saw your update. It sounds like you will at least have a couple of day's respite. I do not have any answers. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Chocolate68 · ‎28-04-2014

Thank you for your concern GratefulToday. I visited him today and he asked for me to sign his discharge note, but I said I wasn't in a position to do so until he was on mood stabilisers and the Psychology assessment was complete. I said only the Dr or nurses would sign him out. He was not too happy, but has accepted that he needs help - and him being admitted to hospital may find other underlying reasons for his behaviour. I suspect OCD as well.

Chocolate68 · ‎03-05-2014

Update: As you know, following a mental health assessment last Sunday my husband was admitted to hospital for further a psychological assessment this week. The anxiety and mania roller coaster that he has been on for the past few months have been absolutely exhausting for the kids and I. Following admittance, he was put under a psychological order until Friday and this is his 1st day home since last Sunday. Trying times ahead... He has to control his anxiety levels to ensure the mood stabilisers and mild anti-psychotics do their job. Back to the hospital this Wednesday for another blood test and psychological assessment, then further followups with his local GP. He now understands that his behaviour was risky, irrational and highly damaging to the kids and I, and has thanked me for finally admitting him to hospital for further assessment. He said the week in the Mental Health Ward was truly an eye-opener and he has so much respect for the nurses and doctors treating anyone with a mental health condition in the public health system. Thanks for your support! Vanessa

Pixie15 · ‎06-05-2014

Hi Vanessa,

It sounds like your husband has really made great progress and having him admit being difficult and thank you for your help must be particularly reassuring. Thanks for sharing your story.

Over_It1 · ‎15-05-2014

Hi Vanessa,

Great to see that your husband is getting the help that he needs, I know exactly where you're coming from as my wife is going through a very similar thing with myself at the moment,

I'll admit after reading your 1st post I went and asked my wife if she had posted on here even though Vanessa isn't her name (paranoid much).

Forgot what else I was going to say so good luck with everything and I hope you're husband can get stable soon.

Chocolate68 · ‎18-05-2014

Update: still waiting on the blood test to see if the mood stabilisers are at the right levels. Anti psychotic medications were finished yesterday, so we'll see how this week goes. Although my husband notices the calm effect of the mood stabilisers, I still feel as though this anxiety and arrogance is still "up there" - something which unfortunately "may just be his nature as he gets older". I must say that he collapses around 8.00pm each night totally exhausted and must go to bed - most nights is sleeping through until 5-6am, sometimes waking with insomnia again. Just hope that the blood test come back this week with some more news. He is all booked in to see a psychiatrist sometime, I told him he must talk to someone about how he is feeling, someone that can actually help instead of just listening. He seems to get obsessed with the finer detail in things, we are in the process of the early stages of renovating our house, so the added stress of this is not making things any better. Although the Dr's have said he is on the "milder" side with his bipolar (not jumping off buildings thinking he can fly) I feel as though his episodes are getting more intense every year and it was only a matter of time before an incident occurred wherein someone could get hurt. I can still see that he is going through his episode, but the intensity is milder (more chilled) even though his mind and thoughts race. To be continued.... and thanks for listening.

Chocolate68 · ‎26-12-2014

Update 26 December 2014.

Well, it's be some time since I've written and thought I would summarise the progress (or hurdles) so far.

As you know by my above posts, my husband was admitted to hospital earlier in the year (diagnosed with minor bipoar) where he remained for a week under a Psychatrists order. Following release back home, up and down on medications (mainly down) with hubby spiralling into depression and anxiety over the next few months.

Under the care of his Psychatrist, medications were recently changed (recommended an antidepressant & different anti-psychotic) and he was admitted to hospital for another week until he underwent further treatment for anxiety & depression.

He has been back at home for a week now and the tension, frustration and anger I feel towards him is incredible. I am not sure how to describe it, but I feel as though throughout all of this, he doesn't even understand how I feel.

He's changed and I'm not sure if I still feel the same way towards him, whether I still love him. Is this normal?

I have done everything on my own for so long (just like a single mum with 2 kids) as I have not been able to rely or depend on him due to his illness. It feels as though I'm caring for 3 kids, he doesn't talk to me and I'm not sure if he's depressed, angry, or if its just me.

I feel as though I've been left out, my needs and wants haven't been dealt with for quite some time and I feel hurt, frustrated and taken for granted. Is this normal?

Anyone have a similar experience?

Thanks for listening.

Pixie15 · ‎27-12-2014

Hi Chocolate68,

I do not know if it is 'normal' or not to feel like this however you are not alone in your feelings.

From my experience of living with family members who suffer with anxiety you will not be able to rely on them for support. They simply cannot be there for someone else because they are continually concerned for their own momentary comfort. When I was doing CBT last year and shared with my partner that I had become quite severely depressed he merely scoffed.

I have a lot of anger and I know it is really difficult to even admit that so congratulations. It is better to find a way to deal with the anger than to try and deny or suppress it and have it eat away at your own well-being. It might be useful for you to find out more about the grieving process to understand some of your responses. I know it helped me.

It is good to acknowledge your own needs and set some goals for yourself so that you have something apart from your family to give you some support. It might help also if you speak to a counselor or psychologists. Your doctor will be able to help you with finding someone.

Hope you find some support.

Grateful.