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Husband anxious and depressed - wants our kids out of home

Community Member
Hi, my husband has a history of undiagnosed anxiety and depression. He's had a flare up due to work place stress (physical injury and possibly some bullying). We have 4 children. Our 18 year old son is doing his HSC and is also stressed and now diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. He has lashed out a few times, aggressive and physical. I've spoken to him and he is making a big effort. He hasn't had any out bursts since I've spoken with him and he agrees he needs to improve. He is getting counseling. My husband however refuses to acknowledge our son is making an effort and will pick on everything he does. My husband complains our son doesn't speak to him yet when our son does he puts him down or insults him. My husband is even refusing to eat at the table with us when my son is there. He grunts at him or outright ignores him. Ive told my husband this isn't on. I don't want my son subjected to this abuse. I don't want my husband at home if he can't show respect for all of us. I'm so upaet by this. We don't have alot of money and now my husband is saying he won't go back to work. I think he thinks he can life off my salary too even if he moves out. I'm at a loss to what to do.
5 Replies 5

Community Member
It sounds a bit like your husband is channeling his issues/anger into your son instead of dealing with them

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Herbie1,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry this is happening to your family it must be difficult….

It’s sad that your husband is treating your son in the way he is….. maybe your husband needs to become aware of his behaviour and how it affects the rest of his family…… you could urge your husband to see his gp so he discuss how he’s feeling they could do a mental health plan together this will enable him to see a psychologist…

Thats great that your son is receiving counselling.

Im here to chat

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

"He's had a flare up due to work place stress (physical injury and possibly some bullying)"

Was your husband the recipient or the provocator regarding the bullying and assault?

The answer could be pivotal to your safety and that of your family.

Hi he was the recipient. A workplace injury due to the work he does (overuse injury). It has been 3 weeks since he has gone to work. He has had medical procedures hence with Covid testing prior etc has had sick leave.

He has been saying he isn't going back. He has reduced his emotional attacks on two of our children. He has a habit of working out of work and not going back when things get though. Last time he did this he was out of work for 10 years trying his own business that never got off the ground. Now he's saying he wants to retire (he is 50) but still wants the expensive sport he has. I'm getting quite anxious myself. He isn't helping our at home with cleaning etc, watches TV, sometimes cooks, makes grandeous plans, goes on Facebook. Meanwhile house is a mess and we are still building so it's cold and water coming in. What do I do?

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
It's a shame your husband does not have a positive and supportive workplace as it seems he is easily intimidated under duress. While being self employed can be one solution, the added pressures of management can be overwhelming making it a case of 'out of the frying pan and into the fire' for the unwary.
Glad to hear the kids are not the brunt of frustrations as much, but I can't help think that this behaviour is 'mid life crisis' - wanting to chuck it all and have some fun.
Perhaps some CBT from a psychologist could turn things around for work/life balance, or even some marriage counselling could help address the harm being caused to your family and help find direction again.
While simply finding another job may only defer the same response, it may be useful to capitalise on his interests to start a whole new career - ie, a keen golfer could consider coaching, open a supplies store, or just become a greens keeper. The right choice can actually be an engaging form of retirement.
The house construction process is a job in itself - has this stalled to further drag the mood down? Small consolation, the weather is improving but it is really hard functioning during renovations at the best of times.
Telling you what to do is beyond my scope, but I hope these suggestions are of some value and can help lead you to a workable solution.