How to break through?

[Daydream]

Hi

I am mum to 29 yo lad still living at home - the term 'failure to launch' may apply. He is highly intelligent ,had a long uni stint including postgrad and now holds a good but unsatisfying job. He has always struggled socially , with intercommunication and relationships. Over past 3 years he has slowly withdrawn from all friends. Apart from going to work each day he spends every waking hour in his (childhood) bedroom playing computer games etc. He can/will barely converse or look us in the eye now. I imagine that he is resentful of being at home still and I do understand and have offered assistance to move. No response!
I am watching this inexorable decline and despite all my efforts of providing information ( eg BB et al) communicating , suggesting psychs, GPs, life coaches, I cannot break through.

I am now reaching a point where I fear what may happen if we cant get him help soon.

Looking for anything that I could try

[White_Rose]

Hello Daydream

Welcome and thank you for posting. I am sorry to read of your difficulties and your son's difficulties.

I understand how worrying this must be for you, being a mother myself. My grandson (age 19) lives with me and spends all his free time in his bedroom on his computer. I really have no idea what he does. He has an apprenticeship, which I believe he enjoys, which is why lives with me. His family live too far away for him to travel all the time. I find it frustrating having him in the house but never or rarely speaking.

If your son will not go to a doctor voluntarily there is not much you can do as clearly you cannot force him to go. My suggestion is to see your own GP and ask for help in managing this. You can also talk to the various agencies that help people with a mental illness, such as BB, Lifeline, SANE, Suicide Callback service. Ask your GP if he/she can put you in touch with your local mental health team, or look up the number in the emergency white pages. They may have suggestions for you.

I am so sorry I cannot offer any other help but maybe other BB members will have more to offer you. Please write in again.

Mary

[Carmela]

Hi Daydream,

I am so sorry to hear about your son. It is heartbreaking as a parent to watch our children reduce their life to gaming and isolation. May l share my experience or should l say my brother's experience with his 21-year-old son. My nephew suffers from depression and like your son, isolated himself and slowly dropped off friends and refused to leave the house except for uni studies. He did not want to take any advice or assistance from his parents. What did work for my nephew was finding someone who acted as a mentor. My nephew looked up to one of his uncles, and we all noticed how attentive he was when his uncle spoke. This uncle spent time with his nephew (once a week) to just sit with him and 'hang out'. We soon found that the 1 to 2 hours a week helped my nephew to come out of his darkness and follow some of the tips his uncle was providing. It was baby steps at first, but this lead to bigger changes and now he is going out again albeit only once a fortnight, but its a start.

Is there someone you can turn to for help? Is there someone in your family or a close friend who can reach your son and help him see his potential?

I would follow through with Mary's suggestions and speak with GP. There are also carer support services that can support you and provide very useful advice and assistance. These are 'Mind Australia' (services are available across Australia covering free counselling, carer workshops, resources for carers) and 'ARAFMI' Mental Health Carers Australia (Association of Relatives and Friends of the Mentally Ill) – advocacy services to mental health carers. ARAFMI services are available across Australia.

​All the best and I hope you find a solution.

Carmela