How do I help and support my partner with suicidal depression?

[Misterb]

My partner of 12 months is very open about her suicidal depression and regularly posts about it on her instagram page (50,000 followers) but cannot talk to me about it, this frustrates me. She keeps telling me "she's too much". I know I need tools and strategies for supporting her. She tells me I'm NOT supporting her and making things worse...I don't know what to do. Do I just completely leave her alone until she comes around? I know I'm pushing her buttons. I need help and hopefully I'll get some positive strategies on how to support her and myself through these depressive episodes. My biggest fear is it will all be too much and she will leave. Please any help appreciated

[Sophie_M]

Dear Misterb,

Dear Guest_0845,
 
Firstly, welcome the Beyond Blue forums. We sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time and and struggling to cope with your partners mental health issues. The community is here to help and support you through this time. In addition, if you need extra support, you can always feel free to call the Beyond blue Line on 1300 224 636 or Lifeline 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or even Men’s Line 1300 789 978.
There are professional counsellors there to help you and advice you on how to help you deal with your partner, please feel free to reach out when you can.

Sophie
 

[geoff]

Hello Misterb, if she says that 'you are no help and pushing her buttons' and especially she can't talk with you, then perhaps it might be wise to give her the time to get the help she needs.

This doesn't mean that there is no love between the two of you, it only indicates that when she is in this state of mind, there isn't any connection, which will need to be sorted out by both of you getting the help from a doctor/psychologist's support, as we know that this feeling can have a relapse at any time, but I'm not a doctor just know from experience.

I'm sorry this has happened, but if you step back then she may improve, and I'm not saying that this has anything to do with you, people work in different ways than we expect.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Misterb]

Thanks Geoff...I really need to take your advice and step back. She is not on any meds and tries to deal with it more holistically like going to nature, meditation, working out and basically going to ground like an injured animal... her description! I try to leave her alone but that makes it very tense. I try to talk to her and that makes her angry and she says to leave her alone...so now I'm back at leaving her alone, the cycle continues. I just don't know what to do... I know this is not about me and I have to be less reactive.

thanks

[Mark Z.]

Hi Misterb,

It must be very hard for you, I'm sorry for your challenge.

I think you're right, when your partner needs more time, it's better not to push her buttons for now.

I think what you can do is to obtain more knowledge about suicidal depression, including doing some google research, as well as giving BB hotline a call. And be prepared, if suddenly suicide is happening or very likely to happen you know how to react quickly and which emergency numbers to contact (as Sophie mentioned).

Meanwhile, be a good and patient listener, have more quality time with your partner, help improve her physical wellbeing (e.g. make healthy and tasty meals, help regulate her life), encourage her to reconnect with her social network should be helpful to her mental wellbeing.

Mark