Helping my teenage son with depression and anxiety

[Starbimum]

Hi. My teenage son is seeing a counsellor thankfully as he admitted to me about feeing depressed and anxious so I booked him into gp and counsellor straight away.

as someone who also suffers from the above it pains me to see him when he is clearly low and no matter how I ask he won’t open up to me. As an example tonight over dinner all I did was try and get him to eat salad (his appetite is all over the place) later we had a chat outside and I said I know he can’t control his apparent but he can control what he eats. He has something like a nervous leg thing too and he jumps his leg up and down and says he can’t control it, though I think he could if he tried.

i just don’t know what to do as I am worried about him but he won’t talk to be even about how he is feeling. He will talk to the counsellor which is great and she has encouraged him to try and be open with me.

I don’t need to know deep details I just need to know what is going through his mind at some point so I can help him.

Its killing me and I just don’t know here to turn (his father and step father would be no help.

[PamelaR]

Hi Starbimum and welcome to our community forums

Life sounds so hard for you at the moment. My heart goes out to you. That he opened up in the first place and told you he was depressed and anxious is a really good step Starbimum. Your response was great - you got him to the drs and to a counsellor.

Talking to someone close is often difficult. There are times when distance is needed - for whatever reason. I know what you mean about his depression and anxiety passing on to you. That happens all the time between my hubby and I - we're both very receptive to the others current situation. It's hard to deal with at times and we try to avoid that when possible. We talk with one another which is good. In your situation though it might be you'll need to take a back seat for awhile - until he's done a bit more work with the counsellor.

Here's me suggesting you don't push him to talk if he doesn't want to. I have to admit I do that with my hubby all the time. All it does is makes him 'shut down' even more. Leaving it, walking away and focussing on myself and my reaction to his situation helps me to stop hounding him to make myself feel better. Not sure if I'm making much sense. Feel free to write back and ask me to explain more clearly.

To help yourself through this time, have you thought about talking to someone yourself, e.g. a counsellor?

You're not alone Starbimum. Keep reaching when you want.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Starbimum,

Welcome to the beyondblue forum. I know you will be able to find some support on the threads here as this is a very common occurrence with parents when young people are going through difficulties with their mental health. Parents can feel at a lose of what to do and out of control as they can't see what is causing their child pain.

You have already had him tell you that he is experiencing symptoms which is miles ahead of many parents I know so this says to me that he trusts you which is really important. He might not be ready to tell you everything that he is experiencing but at the end of the day, he is getting professional support and he has you looking out for him which will give him the best chance to get though this difficult period of his life. Perhaps you could reframe your questions to focus more on safety rather than the details of his thinking. That way you know he is safe. Or perhaps you could set up a check in each day with him that is short and sweet for example, check in with him each day via phone, sms or a quick 2 minute chat. Reminding a person that you are there for them without expectation is really powerful. Sometimes just knowing that you can talk to someone (besides your counsellor) is enough.

I agree with PamelaR in her advise about building your own strength and finding an outlet such as counselling that is about you. Your child's journey to recovery could take some time and the stronger you are, the better a support you will be. It is also something that you can take charge of where it is difficult to control anyones else journey. By finding a regular person to talk with about your son and your feeling state, you will be able to be the pillar of support that he needs during his recovery. Do you have a counsellor that you had seen previously or GP that you feel comfortable with? You can always continue to use the forum regularly or the beyondblue support line which is a free call on 1300 22 4636.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn