Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Help with supporting my female partner

Community Member

My partner has a myriad of mental health illness...such as PTSD, anxiety, depression bi-polar and many others.

Sometimes i struggle with communication as i am black and white, and she is multiple shades of grey...i try to understand things from her perspective however my logical mind cant seem to follow where she is going.

For example..when she drinks...its 50/50 how the night will go, sometimes its amazing and we have a great time...other times it can take her to a dark place...where she will verbally attack me, accuse me of things that i have not done and just seem to provoke an argument. When this occurs i disengage and tell her i'm not speaking with her when she is treating me like this....if she continues i will leave the house for an hour or 2....sometimes when i come home she has calmed, other times she will sleep in the spare room...yet the following morning she will apologize for her behaviour.

she admits she has a drinking problem, however if i do speak about it with her she claims i'm controlling.

Recently she has been harassed online by a person who was in a relationship with a friend of mine....when their relationship went sour he was accusing her of cheating on her with me.....from that time, this other person found my partner on social media...and continually makes contact with her telling her that i cheated on her, making up complete random accusations....which then my partner turns on me with...i'm just not sure how to fight a battle where you cant see the opponent....i'm unsure why she believes him over me. I have brought this up with her to no avail.

She is an amazing woman and i am just looking for advice on how to deal with some of the situations that arise....i have a diploma in drugs alcohol and mental health...yet it seems the toold i learned during that course are for a practitioner and not a partner....and its not recommended to try and treat a partner.

Anybody have any advice or suggestions

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

It sounds like she's immature and drinking adds fuel to the result.

I don't believe leaving your house helps post arguement

I wrote and article on diffusing arguement some time ago. If you both commit to this you will benefit big-time.


Beyondblue topic relationship strife-the peace pipe

Repost anytime


The reason i would leave is that she would be relentless...i tried going out to the shed i would be followed.

I would get out, go for a drive down to the beach or whatever i would message her and let her know that i'm okay and i will be home at X time.

To stay in the house is bad as she would raise her voice and there are 4 children in the house...at least leaving for a little bit she wouldnt have anybody to yell at and would simmer down