Help with a partner with depression and PTSD

Tangled03 · ‎12-09-2021

My partner and I have been together for almost 8 years. Start of 2020 he was assaulted and his life threatened at work, he is on workers compensation and had 6 months completely off work of which he spent sleeping and generally not doing a whole lot (understandable, he was very rattled by what happened) he was put on antidepressants by his GP and saw a psychologist every fortnight during this time, he would have almost nightly nightmares of him bring attacked and thrashing around screaming (really scared me as I didn't know how far he would go in his sleep). He tried to go back to work slowly but ended up having to be relocated and can no longer go to that shopping centre as it is too triggering for him. During his time off our relationship was strained (still is) intimacy was none existent and when I tried to talk to him he would shut down even tell me I was stressing him out even when I was talking of every day events. He begun doing a lot better once he moved stores and slowly worked his way back to full time even scored a promotion to store manager. During this time he decided he wouldn't go back to see his psychologist as every time he went he was re triggered and didn't like it he also decided to completely come off his medication straight away not slowly despite me telling him I didn't think it was a good idea. Anyway his sister suffers from drug addiction and mental health and hers went down hill, she attacked him which sent him downward a bit but he made his way through semi okay. But his recovery has plateaued and we still suffer within our relationship, I feel left out and like he won't help himself or talk to me about anything. He now hates his job and comes home angry most nights, I've tried to help him find new work but he won't apply for anything. I suggested going back to the psychologist which he won't or see his gp. He has suicidal thoughts and vocalises them a fair amount and I worry one day I'll come home and something will have happened. I too suffer from anxiety and after a year and a half its taking its toll on me too. I don't know what to do or how to support him as he won't change anything or talk about it to me.

Sophie_M · ‎12-09-2021

Hi Tangled,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. Thank you for sharing your story with us. We hope you are able to find the support you are looking for here.

It sounds like the situation with your partner has been wearing on you for sometime, before we talk about them, we want to check with you to see how you are doing.

What supports do you have for yourself at the moment?

Have you been able to talk to anyone you trust about this situation?

With your partner, it sounds like they are going thorough quite a dark time at the moment and have been having difficulty seeking help.

When they have expressed thoughts of suicide to you, have they mentioned any specific plan?

Have you been able to speak to anyone about his thoughts?

If you feel like he may act upon his thoughts we would recommend contacting your local CATT team (https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/crisis-management), presenting him to your nearest emergency department or calling 000.

Even if you are uncertain about his actions, speaking to your local CATT team, may help clarify the situation and provide you with advice as to how to approach his suicidality.

In addition, if you need more support through this, we’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEDT on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

Thank you for reaching out today.

geoff · ‎13-09-2021

Hello Tangled, and a warm welcome and as much as you are trying to help your partner, it's having an effect on how you are able to cope and very concerning and know that your thread is about how you can help your partner, but perhaps we should go back one step and consider what you should be doing first and come back to your partner after.

This may be in 2 separate replies, but what you are doing and how you are trying to help him is a huge task, not sure what may happen next ad when, so you are going to always be on edge, but it's not by helping him, but what effect it's all having on you because the unexpected can be very frightening.

I'm sure there won't be a spare moment where you're trying to find answers to the many questions you're asking yourself and because of this it's not giving you any freedom, I know you want to help him and I applaud you for that, but let's get you the help so that you will be strong enough to handle this situation and the courage you need to try and help him because at the moment you're taking on board how he reacts and putting it in your position, especially how he is thinking.

If you could please book an appointment with your doctor and ask them about 'the mental health plan', this entitles Medicare to pay for 10 sessions to see a psychologist per year and will provide the tools you need to stay strong.

I will come back and hope you are able to get back to us, you are just as important.

Geoff.

Tangled03 · ‎14-09-2021

Hi Sophie,

I intend on reaching out to helping minds but other than that I don't have anyone I can talk to. No one understands it and they also don't see him when he's down they think he's all better but he definitely isn't. I saw a psychologist twice with my mental health plan but the gap between what Medicare covered and what I was out of pocket was a lot and I didn't feel like it was helping. They kept focussing on him and how much he must be in pain. Which of course he is but I was there for myself and just walked out angrier. Basically neither of our families understand and I don't have anyone I could talk to about it without it going back to him.

Tangled03 · ‎14-09-2021

Oh and yes he has had plans when talking about suicide but lately it hasn't been a plan more so that he didn't want to be here anymore

Tangled03 · ‎14-09-2021

Hi Geoff,

You're right I don't feel like I have free space in my brain to think about myself and feel I'm constantly walking on egg shells so haven't been able to be in touch with my feelings just his. I do have a mental health care plan but when I saw a psychologist last year twice the gap was still large ($80+) a session and she just wanted to talk about him and how it must be tough for him and not about me and I left angrier than when I arrived.ive found myself extremely tired and in my free time I just rest or watch TV. We don't go out like we used to which I would like to change so on the weekend I managed to get him to go to the movies with me which was nice. But sti doesn't address his issues