Heart broken

[Sammy_123]

I am a mum to a beautiful girl who has attempted to commit suicide several times now over the past 12 months most recently last week while she was in hospital, i am devastated and cant stop crying, it gets so hard because i have to hold it in all the time and pretend that everything is all fine and go about my life. I feel lost and alone, my husband and I are trying the best we can to get through each day, but the strain of this is killing us. I am watching both my best friend and partner dying as well as watching my daughter go through all this as well she has mutilated her body and it is hard to see, when I tend to her wounds I feel shell shocked they are so severe and she is still my baby, I try not to feel anything but the numbness is also killing me on the inside. I don't know what else to do. I go to work because I have too but lock myself away and cry because it is the only time I have to myself. My life is a constant stress, I am scared to sleep yet I am scared to be awake. I used to be a strong woman vibrant and determined, i look at myself now and I don't recognize the person looking back at me, i have aged exponentially and i am constantly afraid of the next drama to come my way. I think if i told anyone what i am going through they would distance themselves from me, and i would loose my job and reputation but i cant keep going like this. I was an important executive, we had everything now I feel like a worthless, useless person, at times i am resentful that my child has done this to me and that just makes everything worse.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Sammy_123,

We are so sorry to hear what distress you and your most loved ones in your family are in.

We know reaching out as you have done is not easy but it is so important that you have. This is a safe and non-judgmental place where we can offer as much support, advice, understanding and conversation as you need. Here, users give and recieve support to one another based on their own experiences with mental health. Many will have experienced thoughts and feelings similar to yours.

It's important to keep in mind though that while the peer support offered here is often quick, it is not immediate. 

In caring for someone with a mental health condition or, in your daughter's case, after a suicide attempt it is important to take care of your own mental wellbeing too. Depending on your location you may be able to access Beyond Blue's Way Back Support Service: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/after-a-suicide-attempt/the-way-back-supp...

You might also find this guide designed to help people like you help guide their loved ones back towards wellbeing helpful: https://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/1161

Our friends at the Suicide Call Back Service also have a lot of useful information on their website to help those caring for others as you are: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/resource/supporting-someone-suicide-attempt/

As alluded to above, if you need more immediate support that the forums can provide please don't hesitate to reach out to our Support Service day or night on 1300 22 4636 or our friends at the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467. Both services offer webchat support if you'd prefer to reach out to them that way - just follow the links at the top right of Beyond Blue's and SCBS's webpages.

We wish you a very warm welcome to our online forums community and encourage you to reach out here and let us know how you are getting on whenever you feel up to it.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sammy

Your post brought back a lot of memories for me. Ten years ago I was you.

A corporate executive. Happy loving marriage. Two great kids. Then my daughter fell ill with a serious mental health condition at age 13.

I understand how this has turned your world upside down. I know your worry, fear and anxiety about her future. I feel your concern for your husband—mine was the same, tortured because he couldn’t protect our daughter from illness.

I am so sorry you and your family are struggling. My heart goes out to your daughter.

The first thing I really want you to know is that it can get better. My daughter was terribly ill, hospitalised and suicidal and I had no idea if she would ever graduate high school let alone live to see her twenties. But she did.

With the right professional help, unconditional love and enormous family support, my beautiful girl fought to regain her life and won. Today she attends university, has fallen in love and is most importantly healthy.

You never give up. It can get better.

It’s really important that you look after yourself right now. I found a counsellor to support me and eventually my husband and other child attended too.

I made time for myself everyday—coffee with a friend, long walk, cup of tea under the stars or bubble bath. You need to balance out the pain and refresh. Think of it this way, if you go down the whole ship goes down. It’s critical you prioritise you.

I also told a small group of friends (outside work) what was happening. They wrapped me in love and support and I am eternally grateful to them.

Once you open up, I think you will be surprised by how many people have their own experience. Mental health conditions don’t discriminate, anyone can fall ill at any time. Fortunately, people also heal.

I am happy to keep talking about anything that might help you. Post any time. I will be here, along with others, to support you.

Kind thoughts to you