Folks may be suffering depression....?

Jellybaby · ‎05-02-2017

My mum is 81yo and my dad is 84yo. In July 2016, my mum had a fall at home, broke her tailbone and spent 2mo in hospital and went straight into 2wks rehab. She had Silver Chain home physio visits for 8wk post-discharge from rehab during which time she was making good physical and mental progress.

Her mental and physical recovery since the support services stopped has deteriorated. She has withdrawn from social life, no longer cooks cleans or does any domestic work, and spends her day on the couch waiting for her next meds. My dad runs around after her doing all the stuff she used to do, plus he does some part-time work outside of their home. The highlight of their week is going to the next doctor's appointment together. My mum has erratic moods swings that can turn quite psychotic / neurotic and although she would never physically harm herself or anyone else, we feel she is putting her heart and health at risk each time she goes off her tree. My dad wears the brunt of it.

It's all an extremely sad situation for a couple who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last November. They love each other deeply but are both wandering around in the dark at the moment, with their grandchildren (my kids) pretty much the only thing that brings a prolonged smile to their faces.

We know after speaking with a BB phone counsellor that they are both prime candidates for depression at some level.

The big question now is.... how do we raise the topic of getting help with a couple of seniors who are from the generation that doesn't put their hand up for help or even address intangible issues such as mental health?

For anyone that has been in my shoes, what did you do? What did you find worked a treat? What didn't work?

Their GP has been made aware of our concerns in the past but has downplayed them and / or ignored them. I think it's all too hard for him to address issues that don't require a script or injection. It makes me quite mad and sad that my folks have so much faith in him.

TIA for your thoughts, ideas, input and support. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get my folks back on track to enjoying their retirement years.

Quiettall · ‎05-02-2017

Hi there

This is a difficult situation and I share your concerns and hear your pain. Have you approached your local Council or Community Health Centre, to see if there is an Aged Care Service nearby that you could visit and seek some support. Often they have ACAT nurses or counsellors that can pay a visit to your folks. I had a case recently where they were able to organise a visit every 3-4 days to help one partner with the care of the other......sounds similar to your folks situation.

You are not alone...there are resources out there. You should also look at the link below for Older people. This information might bring you some ideas to try.

Jellybaby · ‎05-02-2017

Thanks @Quiettall. We went down the ACAT / govt support pathway when my mum left rehab. The ACAT Helpline person gave me cause to believe that because my folks are physically incapacitated, they wouldn't be considered a priority under that scheme and if they were to eventually receive ACAT support, it would be minimal in amount and duration. Maybe I misunderstood... I recall thinking that it was a whole lot of red tape at a time when red tape was the last thing we wanted or needed.

My folks live in an independent living retirement village and there are opportunities for them to socialise with other residents but at this point, they have withdrawn from society virtually so socialising is a pipedream.

It's not all doom and gloom though -- we had a small breakthrough today when my mum reluctantly agreed to come along to the GP with my dad and I. She put up one heck of a resistance and she may well change her mind once the appointment is made, but I feel it's a step in the right direction.

I just want it all to be fixed and have things back to normal. But I know it's not as simple as that.

geoff · ‎06-02-2017

hello JB, the problem with elderly people is that they never knew what depression was or what it could do to them, that's because it's an era where people were told just to get over it and keep doing their job.
I was looking after an elderly chap and he kept on asking me what is depression, and as how hard I tried to tell him he never caught on, until the day he went into a nursing home where he was very low and presumed to be suffering from depression, that's when I said to him 'that's what depression is and that's what you are suffering from'.
At the community centre they have a bus that goes around picking up elderly folks, take them somewhere to visit, like a waterfall or car exhibition, then take them to a hotel or even back at the community centre for lunch, the cost is minimal, so just ask the CC where you live and they will inform you.
Elderly people can be very stubborn and won't accept what they don't believe in, unless their doctor advises them, but now their doctor needs to get his act into gear and address this situation head on, rather than running away from it, surely he has other elderly patients where he has prescibed AD for and perhaps you need to see him without your parents being there and voice your concern. Geoff.

Winterfell · ‎09-02-2017

Beyond blue has some good resources on elderly and depression and conversation starters. I think being open and authentic is often best. Maybe tell your mum you have noticed she doesn't seem to be doing as well as usual, ask her if she is ok. Sometimes looking at the changes in life how they might impact us at different times can help, sounds like she has had a shock recently, sometimes some older people bounce back less readily or become more worried and stressed which influence mood. You could also ask/offer to visit the GP with your parents to discuss the recent events you have noticed.

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎09-02-2017

Hi

I cared for my elderly mother for many yrs of repeated hospital stays, so was interested to read your post.

I was wondering if pain might be be an ongoing issue for your mum, as you said she just waits for her next Meds. Chronic pain is debilitating in itself, as well as known to be a cause of depression. Pain, or fear of aggravating it or anticipation of pain (or indeed another fall) could also be part of the reason she is reluctant to do much.

I had a few thoughts, posed as questions to ask yourself which I hope may help you.

You say that she was doing well with ongoing physio visits. Is there anyway of continuing this, either in home or at a private clinic. What about occupational therapy, this can help with mobility and get her busy doing something as well.

Have you discussed things privately with your father. Is he aware that he has taken over the tasks that were your mothers. Could he have slipped into this as a habit since your mums prolonged stay in hospital. What would happen if he didn't do these tasks. Would your mother getup to do them, or is she now physically incapable of doing these things. What social activities did they participate in before the fall. Why have they stopped doing them. Could you or your dad get the ball rolling again by organising something similar again, it could be a shorter outing than previously, and then start to pick up activities gradually.

10 weeks away from home is a long time for anyone. My mum was in hospital for an 8mth stretch once. Luckily, the hospital dr.s started her on antidepressants during her stay, I think it was almost routine for any long term stay, as who wouldn't be depressed with that. It is understandable that they will both take some time to accept and adjust to this significant trauma.

Does she have any follow up appts at the hospital, if so could you ask that dr. about ADs. There are other forms of treatment for depression. Sometimes vitamins (D, B, zinc etc) can make a difference. There is a guide to treatment for depression that is worth downloading from BB, under Depression:Facts (I think) It is very comprehensive on alternative therapies as well, giving success rates etc. Probiotics might be useful as your mum was likely given antibiotics in hospital-(research is interesting/promising for general & mental health)

ACAT assessment could be different now she is home. It might be worth enquiring about. It pays to know what services they are entitled to.

Wishing you the best