Do I tell my daughter with BPD to move out

[Mum6]

My husband and I don't know what to do. We have three daughter and the middle one has BPD. She is causing so many problems in the house, we have started taking the youngest to speak to someone as she is not coping with it. We only fight over the BPD daughter and how to deal with her. The eldest stays at boyfriends place most nights and only seems to come home to check on youngest sister. BPD daughter has been arrested and has court in March. She is doing a DBT course through headspace and complains how hard it is. She started volunteering and that last two weeks, she broke their door when storming out. We have tried so many things and nothing is ever right. I am just drained and can't cope anymore. Husband used to give into her and has now realised that doesn't work and is just losing it with her. Of course that doesn't work either.

We have told her before that she need to look at moving out and it is always turned on us "so your kicking me out, do you want me living on the streets". She doesn't work, she claims she can't, but is fine going out with her friends. For some stupid reason Centrelink has put her on Disability Pension for 6 months, she is good at telling the doctors what they need to hear. I just don't think our family is going to cope much longer with her still living with us. I love her so much, I just hate who she has become with the BPD.

Husband and I are finally going to see a councillor this week. We need to learn to work together when we talk to her and how to save our family.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Mum6

I'm so sorry that your daughter is unwell with BPD and that your family is in such turmoil. I understand the situation well because I have lived it.

My daughter fell ill with OCD and anxiety at age 13 and the impact was devastating for everyone. She was seriously ill and at first none of us really knew how respond. There was such a mix of emotions, frustration, helplessness, sadness and at times anger.

My eldest son was scared (if his sister could fall then anyone could, including him) and missing my time and affection. He started acting out to get my attention. My husband was in denial and we fought constantly. And everything that was happening was a secret because of the stigma surrounding mental illness. I just wanted to disappear.

The best thing I did was to find a counsellor, actually a mental health nurse in private practise. She taught my husband and I about OCD and coached us on best to respond to issues/situations in real time. It's really important that you and your husband become a united front.

We also had sessions with our son, which meant we could help to reduce his fear and ensure he too felt loved and supported. Importantly, the three of us became an effective support team for my daughter.

It's really tough but it can get better. I know that it did for us. People do unfortunately fall ill, but they also get better. And with professional support you and your family can make a big difference to your daughter's recovery. You are absolutely doing the right thing to reach out for help.

I also want to encourage you to look after yourself in all this. Take some time every day to do something you enjoy--something to nurture your soul.

Hang in there.

Kind thoughts to you