Dealing with depression in the elderly

[PeanutJ]

Hi there, I'm new here so I'll tell you a bit about myself and my situation. I'm currently looking after my mother who has a neurodegenerative disease related to Parkinson's. It affects her ability to communicate and organise and it is also affecting her balance. It will eventually kill her. A year ago she lost her son (my brother) to cancer and she went into care because she wasn't able to look after herself or cope with her grief and I had to go to work. I ended up taking half a year off from work to ease her into care and I've been back at work since mid-year, but still see her four days a week. She has never adjusted to being in care, cries all the time and calls me up to 16 times a day. I can't stand to see her this happy and yesterday I finally cracked and asked the doctor to try some anti-depressants. I never wanted to see her on antidepressants but I can't stand seeing her so unhappy, day in day out. I don't know how I am going to get through with this.

[Doolhof]

Hi PeanutJ,

Sorry to read of all the issues you and your Mum are dealing with right now. It must have been a hard decision to have your Mum placed on a home. Hopefully you are able to see that this was a necessary move and you have done all you can for your Mum, and continue to do so.

Regarding antidepressant medication, depression is a real illness, and like other illnesses medical intervention and medication can help. There is no shame in taking medication to help with depression.

Recently my Dr has put me on a new antidepressant medication. For the first time in ages I am looking forward to each day, I have positive thoughts and can show appreciation for the small things in my life.

Without medication I may have not made it to Christmas.

Please don't think of the medication for depression as being a negative thing, think of it as a possible way to improve your Mum's quality of life.

If your Mum was in pain, you would want her to have pain relief. Maybe you can think of antidepressant medication as a way of relieving her depression and offering her some hope and peace.

Wishing both you and your Mum some peace and comfort!

Cheers from Dools

[IreneM]

Hi PeanutJ

Welcome to the forum.

Firstly I have to back Dools. There is nothing wrong with anti-depressants until you can mentally think clearly again. Anti-depressants can be a lifesaver for many of us! It was for me at one stage and without it I could not even think for myself. It is normal after the loss of a loved one to have these issues.

Also I can empathise with your mother in a Neurological sense in that I have Epilepsy as well. But I can also empathise with you when I nearly lost my ex-husband to lung cancer and he was also prognosed with leprosy and that is how my mental health journey began. So no you are not alone!

For yourself I suggest that you look at the section: Caring For Yourself and Others in this you will find posts on: Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers).

Another thought is for you to shelter yourself from her calls at certain times of the day so that you have some ME TIME. Either put your phone on silent or similar during these hours so that you can care for yourself. Exercise, relaxation and meditation are all great self-care therapies.

If necessary please don't hesitate to get professional help for both of you.

When I was in a mental health ward and couldn't think for myself - the anti-depressant kicked in within a few days, and after that I was able to reason about what had happened to me, without it I would have died. The other time I was on an anti-depressant was not long after I started Psychological therapy to confront the trauma, and I temporarily went back wards, so I went back to my psychiatrist and went back onto the same anti-depressant. But late last year I came off it and life is almost better than it would otherwise be. (So keep this in mind when seeking your own therapy, if confronting the trauma gets too much seek medical help to support your trauma therapy and keep working at it - it's worth the effort! Few years later I cannot say thank you enough to both therapists).

Take care and be proud of your efforts with your mother - doing a great job, just don't let it consume your whole life!

Irene.