Breaking down the "labels" to determine what's actually happening? Without sticking my foot in it.

[Dumblond66]

Hi, 

Im a bit of a straight shooter, which unfortunately leads to me putting my foot in things to often. 

I feel it makes me look like I am not Empathethic or that I don't understand. 

I have struggled with manic depression,anxiety and ptsd snice a younge teenager. I understand. I feel you.

But in order for me to process what's going on when trying to assit others I tend to break the "happenings" down, and address why the brain cause this reaction. Which... sometimes mostly puts my foot in it. 

I am the only person, a family member feels safe talking to because.. I get it. 

I also live on the other side of the country, which also makes it hard to really surport fam, espically when we choose to isolate ourselves from technology. 

Back story, fam suffers from manic depression, anxiety ptsd, grief and a history of drug and alcohol addiction and abuse. Fam is still alcohol depent, but medicated for the mental illness side. 

After a conversation this evening, fam has mentioned voices inside thier head. 

Attacking or comments left to ponder made by the voice of friends and family (but they are inside her thoughts) and sometimes these thoughts are made into believable deliousons for fam.

It's worrying. I'm concerned. 

I dont believe she is in the best mental mind frame to go and get herself help. I am over the other side of the country. 

I cannot reach out to other family, for betraying trust, and the dont feel surpoted with closer family, But then my need to break it down into a maths or chemistry problem in order to gain control of a situation ( one of my very own learned not so healthy coping mechanisms) can also send her on another rabbit hole, and very distressed. 

1. How can I sound less "you crazy" and more encouraging?

When I am going to suggest fam to revisit mental health care plans, and connect with other services eg D&A, and Truma and grief counciling possible psyc too

2. Why do I always end up the arsehole when trying to break down others walls and not only mine? 

[white knight]

Hi,

This problem begins with some of us trying to help other people because we understand however not being trained professionals we try too hard. Being "worriers with empathy" we take on board these issues and forget that charity begins at home.

Then the icing on the cake is that some of these loved ones will not seek out professional help so another saying is apt "you can lead a horse to water but cant make it drink". For that reason alone you need really to withdraw most support because these people are in denial. I have a niece that never services her car even though I remind her each time she visits. The car is now making engine noises and she asked me to look at it. I asked her when she got the car serviced and she said "4 years ago". I tactfully told her I wont look at it as I know her engine is damaged. It was more of a statement like- "if you dont help yourself why should I help you"?

Perhaps you expect too much from yourself to fix everything which is common. My therapist said once- "Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world".

TonyWK