My 20 yo daughter has suffered with anxiety/depression since high school and I feel that she isn't getting the right kind of help. She told me a year or so ago that she was convinced that she had BPD. She started seeing a psychologist (who she said she didn't like and that she couldn't talk to) through her GP and pushed to see a psychiatrist so that she could get a diagnosis. She got an appointment and was told she had traits of BPD. She was super angry about this and insisted to me that it was full BPD and pushed to join a group to get treatment. I feel that she has convinced herself that she has this condition and knows how to answer questions accordingly.
She now uses the condition as an excuse for her behaviour and constantly tells me that I don't understand and that I need to learn more about her condition and cut her some slack. She constantly blames me if we argue and I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. She has seen various psychologists and never seems to be happy with them. She has just started seeing a new psychiatrist and I feel like the treatment she is receiving is counter productive. She is becoming increasingly self obsessed and selfish, and constantly tells me that nothing is her fault and she 'has a mental health condition' and that I 'should be more supportive'.
I have tried so so hard over the last few years and this has nearly broken me. I feel like my daughter has anger issues and that the direction that she is going in is completely wrong. I wish I could talk to her current psychiatrist ask him to start from scratch and fully assess her from scratch but I know I cant. I'm so frustrated and I just don't know how to help her move forward and stop making excuses for her behaviour.
I want to support her in the best way that I can but we just seem to be stuck in this rut where I think she is using her 'BPD' as an excuse for anger and attitude and she thinks that I'm ignorant and need to be educated on BPD and what she is going through.
Can anyone relate? I really need to know if I'm dealing with this the right way or not.
My 16 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with BPD.
I came to this site to try and get some perspective, understanding and advice as her father and I are also struggling with it, walking on eggshells and finding life very difficult at the moment. Your post is the first one I've come across so far since signing up to this site today and straight away I can relate to it, and feel very much able to understand what you are going through.
My partner and I have both visited with my daughters psychiatrist in separate sessions. We are at the beginning of the diagnosis (after 18 months or so of trying other things and dealing with everything day to day, with no long term goal in mind) and we have found it to be very helpful, so I would recommend that too.
With your daughter being 20, it may be harder with privacy issues and so on, I guess, but in our case we now have a longer term plan in which to focus our attention and try learn how to manage it better. It's very hard as life is so unpredictable and volatile in our once happy home nowasays. It can really leave you feeling battered, I know, but seeing her psych has given us both some small glimmer of hope that we can get through this intact.
Our understanding is that our daughter will benefit from doing a series of group training/sessions called DHT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) - our challenge will be in getting our daughter to commit to going to these sessions. She may go and be OK with it and it will help a lot (our greatest hope) - or she may decide she's not interested and we'll struggle to get her there - in which case I don't know what we'll do.
I've also ordered quite a few books online about treatment options and BPD - there's even a "BPD for Dummies"!! And although they haven't arrived yet, I think they'll be helpful - perhaps you could try this too?
This has completely devastated us both and is very tricky to deal with, so you have my sympathy and understanding - good luck to you, your partner and your daughter.x
Welcome to the forums. We're so sorry to hear that you have been going through all of this with your daughter. We understand that this must be distressing, and also exhausting. It sounds like your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring parent. Please know that you've come to a safe space to talk about what you're going through. Can we ask if you are receiving mental health support for yourself? We understand that caring for others can take a toll. Please do feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you feel would be beneficial.
You might also be inetrested in our some of our pages:
- "Supporting someone" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone
- "Looking after yourself while supporting someone" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself
- “Supporting Someone with a mental health condition” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anx...
If you would like to seek support from the community on this topic, we would recommend that you start a new thread of your own as well as contributing to other threads. Thanks for reaching out today.
Dear No One On Earth~
I think you have given some good advice and I'm sure you are right about the uncertainties involved. No road-map so to speak.
If you are not already aware of it (apologies if you are) The Australian BPD Foundation can be a real help both for hose wiht the condition and their carers or loved ones
I hope this is of some help