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Supporting family and friends

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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Fishykarp Help supporting an online friend?
  • replies: 3

I’m new here, so I don’t know if this is the right forum to put this in, but here it goes. I’m not depressed myself, but I have a few friends online who are, and I want to support them in anyway possible. I haven’t found anything on google about supp... View more

I’m new here, so I don’t know if this is the right forum to put this in, but here it goes. I’m not depressed myself, but I have a few friends online who are, and I want to support them in anyway possible. I haven’t found anything on google about supporting online friends so is there anything really different between supporting friends online and in real life? Thank you.

alexisonfire94 BDP Fiance
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I am new to this community and need some advice. I have been in a relationship with someone for 5 years now who has driven me absolutely crazy at times and we have both wondered if he has bipolar, but now I am realizing he is a classic BDP. H... View more

Hi All, I am new to this community and need some advice. I have been in a relationship with someone for 5 years now who has driven me absolutely crazy at times and we have both wondered if he has bipolar, but now I am realizing he is a classic BDP. He isn't interested in hearing it because he doesn't want to 'label' himself anymore. We have bought a house together and have plans to get married but all of a sudden he wants to ditch it all and go travelling in a van. I AM SO CONFUSED. He gets really depressed at times, even crying, because he can't achieve this new dream. Before all this, he would get angry and depressed because he hated his job, but he refuses to try to learn something new. He is always dissatisfied with something. We have broken up before and he spent the entire time calling and texting me begging me to still talk to him. I really don't know what to do. I love him, but is it ever going to get better??? If anyone is in a BDP relationship please help me.

SeekingAdvice01 How to offer support to a loved one who has shut you out from a distance
  • replies: 10

Hi, I have read many posts on helping loved ones with depression and have found so many of these to be very helpful. It has also eased my mind, as I can relate so much to these situations. I love and support my partner and believe he has been battlin... View more

Hi, I have read many posts on helping loved ones with depression and have found so many of these to be very helpful. It has also eased my mind, as I can relate so much to these situations. I love and support my partner and believe he has been battling depression for a lot of his life. I have only known him for 12 months and have been dating him for 8 months. During this time I have been able to see all sides of him, from the most loving, selfless and caring person I have met to withdrawn, judgemental and selfish. It has been a rollercoaster, but being aware has made me more mindful on how to react in certain situations. I know during times of stress, he starts to withdraw from me and his mood becomes dark, which only lasts a couple of days. It hasn't been easy and I know the criticism and judgement are not personal attacks, but unfortunately being human makes me susceptible to this at times. He has on a couple of occasions indicated he needs to seek help and I told him I would always be there to support him when he decided to make this step. I have never pressured, nor would I, as I know this is only a decision he can make on his own and when he is ready. In the last month he was made redundant over an incident that occurred at work, that was in no way his fault. Unfortunately this hit him hard, which was to be expected, as he felt responsible for letting everyone down. I have been there to support him the whole way through it, as much as I can. Unfortunately, as we both work in FIFO and live in different parts of the state, once I had to return to work, he started to slowly shut me out. Messages were 2 word replies and then there was no contact for 5 days. I finally made contact and discovered he was in a worse situation than I had thought possible. He didn't want to talk much about it and I didn't want to pressure him. Now it has been close to another week with no contact. I have sent occasional messages offering my support and letting him know how much I care and will not give up on him. I try calling every couple of days, as I don't want him to feel suffocated, but also don't want him thinking I have given up on him. I have no one to contact to find out if he is ok. Do I just need to be patient and give him his space and respect he wants no contact or is there more I could do? It has been tough not knowing. I have another 2 weeks of working away and don't know if I will hear from him before then to arrange to see him. I feel so helpless.

Hockney Helping my 31 year old daughter
  • replies: 1

She is beautiful and intelligent, does not drink or take drugs,but she has no friends despite wanting them .She is is doing occasional casual work way beneath her ,and is always anxious that she may be bullied. She lives at home with us spends most o... View more

She is beautiful and intelligent, does not drink or take drugs,but she has no friends despite wanting them .She is is doing occasional casual work way beneath her ,and is always anxious that she may be bullied. She lives at home with us spends most of her days in bed and gets angry with us both. I think she has BPD,but her last pschychiatrist didn’t agree. She refuses to see anyone. It affects me terribly and I am now struggling with ill health and depression too. I don’t know what to do ,does anyone have any suggestions?

Bonjourbee How can I help my wonderful son?
  • replies: 1

Hi - I'm hoping for some advice. My son is in his early 20s and has battled with depression for many years. It comes in waves - he feels worthless, and that awful 'nothing's worth carrying on for, I'm useless' talk. So irrational and so negative. He ... View more

Hi - I'm hoping for some advice. My son is in his early 20s and has battled with depression for many years. It comes in waves - he feels worthless, and that awful 'nothing's worth carrying on for, I'm useless' talk. So irrational and so negative. He is loved by his family and his girlfriend but he doesn't feel he deserves love. I managed to get him to a psychologist a few years ago but that didn't work out and confirmed to him that nothing could help. I also managed to get him to a gp and on some anti depressants- but he hated them and stopped taking them - futher confirming that nothing/no-one can help. I'm desperate and don't know where to turn. He does call me when he's down which is good and I can never drop my guard as this black dog appears at any time. I really don't know what to do to help my gorgeous boy....

Nicboc Not eating
  • replies: 2

Hi there I have a friend who's going through depression and anxiety for the first time in his life and he's going through some drastic changes because of it. He doesn't want to eat breakfast or lunch and sometimes dinner because he wants to loose wei... View more

Hi there I have a friend who's going through depression and anxiety for the first time in his life and he's going through some drastic changes because of it. He doesn't want to eat breakfast or lunch and sometimes dinner because he wants to loose weight and also because he thinks its easier to deal with his depression if his stomach is hurting. I'm really worried about him. Also I'm only newly friends with him so I'm not sure if he even wants me to help him with it or if I'm just bothering him

Lorianne64 being there for someone who pushes you away
  • replies: 9

I have been in a relationship with a guy on and off for the past 7 months. He has anxiety, depression and agoraphobia. When hes not stressing he's the sweetest,most caring guy in the world. We are very compatible. However, once he starts getting anxi... View more

I have been in a relationship with a guy on and off for the past 7 months. He has anxiety, depression and agoraphobia. When hes not stressing he's the sweetest,most caring guy in the world. We are very compatible. However, once he starts getting anxious he totally changes and tries to push me away. I want to be there for him but he constantly rejects me. we've gone through this cycle twice in the past 7 months. Right now I haven't seen him in a month and a half because he just sits at home. I don't want to give up on him but he tells me that he cant be a boyfriend when he's like this. What do I do?

MindCroquet Helping Someone with Anxiety
  • replies: 7

Hello Everyone, I am not sure if I am posting in the right area, apologies if not. I guess I have a question for the community. I have a friend who suffers from anxiety quite severely. The trouble is, he seldom opens up about it. Whenever I try to di... View more

Hello Everyone, I am not sure if I am posting in the right area, apologies if not. I guess I have a question for the community. I have a friend who suffers from anxiety quite severely. The trouble is, he seldom opens up about it. Whenever I try to discuss it, he won't, he tends to clam up and not want to talk about it. I want to reach out, but sometimes it is hard because I get shut down almost immediately. I wish there was something I could do, because I know he is suffering, but he is doing it all alone. Not even his family knows he has anxiety. He will go through phases where he feels happy and not anxious, and this feels great because we have a fantastic friendship. But naturally, the anxiety comes back, and he becomes reclusive, and can sometimes be quite irritable and nasty, which makes it hard to come near him. I just want to give him a hug but I am scared he will push me away. Sometimes he will hint that he is anxious about something, and I try to talk to him about it, but he immediately 'shuts the door' and clams back up. There are numerous posts about self-help for anxiety, but I find that there are few posts about helping people to help others cope with anxiety. So my question to the community is- how do I act or behave around someone who has anxiety? How can I make someone with anxiety feel better? Am I ok to bring it up often, so that maybe slowly he will become more accustomed to talking about it, and it won't seem so taboo? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want to help. I know I can't cure him, I just want to make his life easier.

michelethring Anxiety in my 7 year old
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I've been having a really struggling with my daughters anxiety. It has become particularly bad in the last week. She is seeing every thing in such a negative light and has recently started to not eat. She complains of a sore tummy but we have... View more

Hi all, I've been having a really struggling with my daughters anxiety. It has become particularly bad in the last week. She is seeing every thing in such a negative light and has recently started to not eat. She complains of a sore tummy but we have tried to explain that it is her worries. She just can't seem to find joy in anything anymore and has lost interest in some of her favourite activities. She will be seeing a school psychologist but i'm lost with what to do at home.

Guest_2965 Please help my daughter had just been diagnosed with quiet borderline personality disorder
  • replies: 3

I have a 22 year old daughter. She lived in Melbourne and is in a mental health facility at the moment after years of depression and self harm issues. She has just been diagnosed with quiet borderline personality disorder which I have never heard of ... View more

I have a 22 year old daughter. She lived in Melbourne and is in a mental health facility at the moment after years of depression and self harm issues. She has just been diagnosed with quiet borderline personality disorder which I have never heard of before. I know that Dbt helps but I also know it is. Dry expensive and lengthy process. Does anyone know of cost friendly forms of support or advice we can seek for her? Desperate thanks