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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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RaspberryRhubarb Feeling hopeful after counselling, beginning my husband's psychotherapy journey
  • replies: 2

We went to joint counselling yesterday with an excellent psychologist. She really laid it on the line and it was a hallelujah moment for me! Being heard and understood was so freeing for me after five years of trying to get through to my poor husband... View more

We went to joint counselling yesterday with an excellent psychologist. She really laid it on the line and it was a hallelujah moment for me! Being heard and understood was so freeing for me after five years of trying to get through to my poor husband. She told my husband that he needs to "go deep" and commit to a course of psychotherapy over a long period, up to two years. She told him that he was a victim of childhood abuse and neglect and that the trauma of those early experiences has affected his personality. She told him (and he HEARD her) that our marriage is not going to survive if things don't change. I had kind of bundled up his issues as "anxiety" or maybe "anxiety and depression" but she was able to see through the anxiety symptoms and realise that actually he has a personality disorder brought about by his incredibly controlling father and a childhood of being bullied, repressed and emotionally manipulated. She also said that while he is not abusive towards me, the pattern of behaviour he observed between his parents is highly abusive and that he is subconsciously re-creating those patterns in our family. I don't respond in the way he expects (the way that his mother responded to his father) and that creates lots of frustration and anger in him. I'm so glad my boundaries are still firm after five years and that there is some hope he can learn to recognise and change his patterns of behaviour. I'm under no illusions that this will be an easy process for either of us but I'm feeling hopeful as we take the first step together. Considering that this time last week I was making appointments with divorce lawyers, it really feels like a break through! I'd be really keen to hear from others who may have been through this too! I have posted to other forums and been really buoyed up by the support from complete strangers RR

Rick68 Teenagers
  • replies: 2

I'm looking for a physicist who deals with children. Mainly my 16 yr old daughter. She is having mood swings, high then low, panic attacks, forgetting even the simplest of things. I myself suffer from depression, and there Is bipolar and depression i... View more

I'm looking for a physicist who deals with children. Mainly my 16 yr old daughter. She is having mood swings, high then low, panic attacks, forgetting even the simplest of things. I myself suffer from depression, and there Is bipolar and depression in her mothers side of the family. I want someone to look at her and possibly give me a diagnosis of what could possibly be going on with her. We live in eastern Victoria, and have been given 4 different places to try and each one say they dont deal with children. The only place is just way too far to be practical. Can anyone suggest where we could find something suitable? Regards Rick

Guest_294 Worried about best friend with depression...
  • replies: 9

Ok so my friend and I met a few months ago and since then he and I have become really close. I already knew he suffered from quite severe depression and social anxiety but as of late, it seems to be getting worse. He is really unmotivated and has bee... View more

Ok so my friend and I met a few months ago and since then he and I have become really close. I already knew he suffered from quite severe depression and social anxiety but as of late, it seems to be getting worse. He is really unmotivated and has been taking a lot of time of uni. I’ve just been talking to him tonight and he was talking about “just wanting to die a little” but then saying “I’ll be fine”. He is seeing a therapist at the moment but I feel like it’s not enough. I know he has been feeling so overwhelmed wth his relationship and upcoming assignments and feels like everything is moving too fast for him to keep up. What can I do to support him???

Toshie Dealing with anxiety as a family
  • replies: 2

I have a 12 year old daughter with anxiety. I also have suffered from anxiety all my life, but learnt to deal with it. I want to know if there are support groups for families dealing with anxiety. She is seeing a psychologist, but nothing seems to wo... View more

I have a 12 year old daughter with anxiety. I also have suffered from anxiety all my life, but learnt to deal with it. I want to know if there are support groups for families dealing with anxiety. She is seeing a psychologist, but nothing seems to work. I have asked for help where ever I can. I welcome any advice.

Titch.Mai My girlfriend has depression but why am I suffering too?....
  • replies: 3

Hi there, My GF and I have been together for only a short while and she suffers from depression. Sometimes I feel helpless during periods in which she suffers the most. She tells me I just don't understand. I know that I don't completely understand w... View more

Hi there, My GF and I have been together for only a short while and she suffers from depression. Sometimes I feel helpless during periods in which she suffers the most. She tells me I just don't understand. I know that I don't completely understand what is going through her mind but I too feel extremely lost myself when I am there comforting her. I know she loves me which is reciprocated on a daily basis however I tend to do things that may sometimes trigger her emotions. Sometimes I feel depleted and mentally drained. And it probably isn't healthy for either of us but I love this girl. When I'm with her my bad thoughts and suffering seem to fade away but sometimes without meaning to I am the onset of such emotions. Is that selfish of me? I spend my day filled with a busy schedule as I feel safe from deep thoughts and I spend every other moment with my GF. But by the end of the day I am usually spent and am exhausted. I feel like she thinks I don't provide enough love towards her. I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect but I'm always trying to be there for her. I feel like it also doesn't help that she is constantly having arguments with her family and that she only sees the bright side of my family. I wish I could just talk to her about it all but it just feels too sensitive considering that she is the one suffering from depression and I'm just lost. I love her so much but I feel like I'm no support... I honestly didn't know what to write and whether any of you can comprehend what I meant by this but I really needed to vent how I really feel. I hope someone understands what I mean and can give me some friendly advice as I just wish to help her without throwing my thoughts under the rug.

Bee124 How to approach my partner?
  • replies: 2

I’ve been dating a guy for well over a year now, he has been struggling a lot with depressive and manic episodes but I don’t know how to approach him on the subject and suggest getting some help. I’ve been studying bipolar disorder and he shows a lot... View more

I’ve been dating a guy for well over a year now, he has been struggling a lot with depressive and manic episodes but I don’t know how to approach him on the subject and suggest getting some help. I’ve been studying bipolar disorder and he shows a lot of symptoms I just wanna support him and show him that I’ll always be here. So any tips on how to go about the matter would be greatly appreciated.

whitemagnolia I broke up with my bf and he realised he has depression
  • replies: 5

HI, I've just recently broken up with my bf (1wk ago) and at the breakup he told me he had been feeling miserable for awhile now. Background> He told me 6 months ago that he didnt know what he wanted for us and didnt feel the same anymore. This would... View more

HI, I've just recently broken up with my bf (1wk ago) and at the breakup he told me he had been feeling miserable for awhile now. Background> He told me 6 months ago that he didnt know what he wanted for us and didnt feel the same anymore. This would go on for the next 6 months and he never wanted to talk about it. He would get angry when I brought it up. I would be sad, he would ask whats wrong. If i told him he'd get angry. If I didnt, hed get angry. I had an IUD which altered my hormones sometime ago before all this and it put me in depression. I recognised my change and got it removed. He fessed up that it had greatly impacted him and he didnt know if he could get over it. So i blamed myself for the fall of our rship. I was really sad and then feelings of grief for my mums death arose again. So i went to get some professional help. I meditated and worked on myself to change whilst trying really hard to get our rship back on track. But it felt like he wanted to a miracle and was doing nothing but waiting for it. He then got a Job offer which we had planned for to goto another city but then would hear bad things about the job. So he started to feel like he might not want it, but he didnt want to disappoint anyone. He never spoke about me joining him even though it was OUR dream. We hardly spoke about his move and he would get angry if i raised it. It was very hot and cold and we started sleeping in different rooms. My heart was broken. But i tried everyday to make it better. Then came May where we had booked a trip with friends overseas. And immediately after he was to move to the new city. The trip was great and it felt like we were better. Then he moved . I would ask him how he liked it.. how ppl were. And he would shut me down and told me to stop asking him and he had just moved there. When he called me it felt like a chore. He would call but he spoke to me like i was a friend. I kept telling myself that he had alot on his shoulders and thats why hes reacting. Til i couldnt anymore and it was draining me. So i called him and told him how it made me feel. And i couldnt do it anymore because i felt like i was adding stress, pressure and a burden. I love him so much but it was tearing me apart. He then told me he was miserable for some time and had gotten worse since he got there but didnt want to tell me. He told me that its now he realises he needs help. I feel bad I didnt see the signs and im leaving when he needs me most. Did I do everything wrong?

jay1998b Father has anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi! We're pretty sure my dad has anxiety (possibly also depression) and has since forever. Every time he speaks, it's always negative, and always focused on limited subjects. He has a strong idea that he is right and other people are wrong. He is nev... View more

Hi! We're pretty sure my dad has anxiety (possibly also depression) and has since forever. Every time he speaks, it's always negative, and always focused on limited subjects. He has a strong idea that he is right and other people are wrong. He is never interested in anything I do unless it is study. He refuses to accept that I'm trans and walks out of family appointments with the local hospital. I think his anxiety might be influencing this. What can I do to improve my relationship with him/help him with anxiety? We used to get along great, but ever since I started high school, our relationship hasn't been so good. I don't know what I can do. Thanks!

Talisha Depressed hubby said he's giving up
  • replies: 8

New here. First post. I've read through a few. Basically he's been dx with depression and anxiety for 12 years. occasionally been able to go off meds. Has tried counseling but he said they're trying to change who he is. He's been low for the last 2 y... View more

New here. First post. I've read through a few. Basically he's been dx with depression and anxiety for 12 years. occasionally been able to go off meds. Has tried counseling but he said they're trying to change who he is. He's been low for the last 2 years. He's changed meds a few times. Today he's declared he's done. He doesn't love me. He said he's a waste of space and he's not trying anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of trying to help when it seems like he doesn't even want it. I am going to go to counseling again myself but any ideas? Do I just pretend what he says doesn't hurt. I don't think he's suicidal as he's always "given up " at various times and just doesn't do anything for awhile.

Rosie_ Depressed or bad guy?
  • replies: 2

I think my boyfriend might be depressed. I know he has been depressed in the past -but not since a couple of years before we met. He is in something of a rutt at the moment and I understand why he would be unhappy - but he no longer seems to have the... View more

I think my boyfriend might be depressed. I know he has been depressed in the past -but not since a couple of years before we met. He is in something of a rutt at the moment and I understand why he would be unhappy - but he no longer seems to have the motivation to change his circumstances. He is irritable and angry. When angry he says mean things and is violent. He never appologises or acknowledges any wrong doing. It isnt always this way and I dont know how to reconcile the two versions of him - he has been my best friend. Is he just a bad guy that I misjudged or could some of this be a result of his (possible) depression???