Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

CharityHope At a lose..
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone am new on here so bear with me please if my post is abit long.. For the last 3 years my husband and I have been dealing with our son who from what we have experienced.. Depression.. Anxiety.. And irrational thoughts.. I say from what we h... View more

Hi everyone am new on here so bear with me please if my post is abit long.. For the last 3 years my husband and I have been dealing with our son who from what we have experienced.. Depression.. Anxiety.. And irrational thoughts.. I say from what we have experienced because no matter how many times we have seeked help for him he comes away saying " oh there is nothing wrong with me " so we're not really sure exactly what the problem is.. Of lately his thoughts have been irrational.. He even admited the other day that he was having trouble falling asleep because of the voices in his head when I approached the matter with him he said I never said that.. 3 yrs ago his relationship with the mother of his son broke down and it has affected him even though he isn't saying that it has.. He got on the Amphetamines and had a drug induced psychosis on us were he was admitted to the Mental Health Ward at our local hospital.. He had a weekend stay ( went in on a Friday night came out Monday) no follow up was required nor medication.. He had another relapse a few months later again we took him to see a doctor to get on a mental health plan but he refused to participate and because he is over the age of 18 there is nothing we can do.. He is off the amphetamines and has been for the last year and a half which is good.. But has alcohol abuse.... We have spoken with him pleaded with him begged him to get help to speak with someone to help him take the edge off but he won't.. He still insist that there is nothing wrong with him.. We are at a lose my beautiful son is slowly slipping away from me and I have no idea how to approach the matter with him.. Has anyone else gone and experiencing this and can offer advise on how to deal with it or have any suggestions on how to approach the matter from a different angle.. Thank you..

jess334 Gift to show I care
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone. I am currently helping support my little sister through a long term depressive episode. She has finally agreed to start medication and seek help which is great. I want to get her something special that she can look at when she is feeling... View more

Hi everyone. I am currently helping support my little sister through a long term depressive episode. She has finally agreed to start medication and seek help which is great. I want to get her something special that she can look at when she is feeling down and remember that I care and love her. Maybe also that shows there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Anyone have any ideas? She is in her late teens, but doesn't wear jewellery. Unfortunately she doesn't have a lot of interests anymore, although she used to love playing sports. She also recently moved back into our mums house so doesn't have a lot of her own space. Thanks in advance for your thoughts

Haveachat2u Caring for someone I never thought I would care for
  • replies: 4

I’m aspie and my partner is autistic. Our relationship is not the usual kind of relationship I guess. I feel like his career to be honest and it drives me insane. He won’t get a job, it’s a battle to get him to do chores I get that he has depression ... View more

I’m aspie and my partner is autistic. Our relationship is not the usual kind of relationship I guess. I feel like his career to be honest and it drives me insane. He won’t get a job, it’s a battle to get him to do chores I get that he has depression and anxiety but so do I! He said he quit smoking but I find his cigarette butts around and empty packets. He’s just like well I can’t work because of my injuries. He goes to university and tafe he struggles with exams works himself up then his mind goes blank and he fails another semester! It has taken him like 8 years to complete less then 3 years of university! I have my first degree, Im currently on my second bachelors degree i put university on hold for the semester because he could not or would not get a job and we were headed for homelessness. I’m going back to university next year even if I have to leave him and get my own place and just support me because I’m sick of it. He melted down today because I got a job interview at a place he would love to work but he needs to get work experience to get an interview. I had a phone interview and he actually butted in to the conversation because I had the interviewer on the loudspeaker he actually criticised my answers, called out and wanted to ask questions! I walked out of the house had time out I came back and he appoligised. He acts like a big child! I guess I’m just looking for support because I care for him but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. If I walk out of this he will be homeless Or live in isolation.

Littlelegs Supporting husband and yet he does not communicate with me
  • replies: 8

Hi i am new to this as my husband announced out of the blue that he was depressed around 6 weeks ago. Thankfully he recognised this and had already been to the Dr and obtained medication. the first couple of weeks of the meds he has been like a Zombi... View more

Hi i am new to this as my husband announced out of the blue that he was depressed around 6 weeks ago. Thankfully he recognised this and had already been to the Dr and obtained medication. the first couple of weeks of the meds he has been like a Zombie totally emotionless he has better days than others when he is obviously a little happier living with him has become increasingly difficult; no communication he won’t talk to me about how he is feeling, how the drugs make him feel, how he went at the physiologist etc. if I ask him he will answer reluctantly and as vague as possible and then leave the room I feel like he is not even trying he doesn’t ask me how my day was. I have just come home from being out to dinner and he hardly even looked at me or asked me how dinner was or anything. I ask him how did day was “alright” is all I get and nothing in return i wanted to see if this is normal??? Do other carers find the communication just stops. I feel like I am being cut out of everything that is going on. It is hard to not take it personally. I can’t help but feel that he is blaming me for how he feels. Becayse of this I just don’t know what to do! we have been married 23 years. He is ok when around others or if the kids are in the room. I feel like he is not even trying with me, and just because he is on meds and unwell gives him reason to not even be nice to me anymore. Due to this I feel so alone and sad as I am not included in what is going on, and he rejects me when I try to help he is also still drinking alcohol on the meds which really scares me and frustrates me, as I believe if u want to be on meds to help then you have to do everything possible to let them work. thanjs for reading and appreciate any help or ideas

Excluded What do I do?
  • replies: 1

Hi all, This is my first time on a forum as I am at a loss as to what to do for my partner. Basically I have met the love of my life and have never felt this way about anyone before. I was a single dad with three kids and it was time I had someone el... View more

Hi all, This is my first time on a forum as I am at a loss as to what to do for my partner. Basically I have met the love of my life and have never felt this way about anyone before. I was a single dad with three kids and it was time I had someone else in my life. I started talking to my current partner and we hit it off so easily. We talked for about two months before we met and when we did finally meet it was like I had known her for a long time. It was just so comfortable. We continued to see each other and after a few months she wanted to be more which I was happy with. I introduced her to my kids and they got along really well so things looked promising. She opened up to me and said that she had never felt this way about anyone before and was scared I’d break her heart. I had the same feeling as my ex had cheated on me and left the family home so I suppose I had my own insecurities but I had to trust in this person. Everything was going along great until one day I just stopped hearing from her. I tried to contact her to no avail so I went to her house. She explained she suffers from anxiety and was just overwhelmed all of a sudden. She has said she needs time to get her head right and doesn’t see a future without me but it is hard to be cut out of someone’s life that was making me so happy. As well as this my kids are asking where she is? It has been two weeks what do I do?

Holi 16 yr old with severe OCD no friends no life
  • replies: 2

Hi my son has severe OCD and maybe austim spec disorder,he has not left the house in nearly 5 months now he is not in school he does a different type of study as such.he is getting some treatment but no where near what he should as I'm a single mothe... View more

Hi my son has severe OCD and maybe austim spec disorder,he has not left the house in nearly 5 months now he is not in school he does a different type of study as such.he is getting some treatment but no where near what he should as I'm a single mother of two boys.im so depressed and sad i wonder if he will ever have some friends and get the chance to live as he should be I go on Facebook some times and just cry looking at kids his age living life I have no social life as I'm always with him I can't have people at the house as he just melts down my financial situation is not enough to bearly buy food bills etc I saw a advertisement on the tv about the NDIS does anyone know if my son would benefit in some way I really don't know lot about services out there as he has been going to a private clinic

Jayemm I don't know what to say
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I'm new. My partner of 4 years has suffered depression mildly over this time and is under a GP and medicated quite well. Around 8-10 months ago he became less affectionate and I have felt pushed away and rejected. I've talked to him a fe... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new. My partner of 4 years has suffered depression mildly over this time and is under a GP and medicated quite well. Around 8-10 months ago he became less affectionate and I have felt pushed away and rejected. I've talked to him a few times but nothing changed, however a month ago this came up again and he became very depressed. He ended the relationship saying he could never be what I need him to be. We are still friends and I know he needs the support so I'm touching base with him almost every day. He has seen his GP and she has increased his medication and wants him to see a counsellor. This is all great but I don't know what he needs from me. I want to tell him I love him, that I want us together to deal with it .. not apart. But I need some advice to help me know if telling him all this will add to his stress or should I just hold back on the relationship side and just be his friend. Does it help him to know I still love him and want him when he is ready ... or is this pushing him away. I'm so confused about what he needs from me right now but I'll do anything to help him get better and get us happy again.

leminni I am in serious need of help
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am not a sufferer of depression but a lot of my friends are, and it's becoming to a point where I cannot literally handle their mental state at times, they are good friends however, they always turn to me during their "moments". I am a very ope... View more

Hi, I am not a sufferer of depression but a lot of my friends are, and it's becoming to a point where I cannot literally handle their mental state at times, they are good friends however, they always turn to me during their "moments". I am a very open minded person, and I don't judge them based on their state of mind nor basically anything. I know it's not easy having depression, and it's especially hard to live with it even when you are in suicidal thoughts. However, I physically cannot take it anymore, it's gotten to the point where I am really tired of listening to same thing over and over again. I'd honestly like to help them but...the thing is it's online friends. Of course, I have nothing against them but seeking consistent reassurance about themselves, and then telling them all kinds of advice is not helping. Is there a way to tell them to slightly I guess back off a little bit? I know I am coming off rude, but I have become extremely immune to their episodes I even am starting to think I'm heartless or something. I am tired and very mentally tired it's been effecting me a lot, that sometimes I tend to have some anxiety thinking about what to say. I am really desperate for help they are good friends when they aren't in that state however, they keep coming back to me and another friend of mine to consistently get reassurance.I don't even know distancing myself a little bit would cause them to think I don't care, I do care I really do but I live half way across the world from them, and only know the surface part of them???? I don't know my friends personally, I have told them to therapy, try this that this EVERYTHING! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE. THEY DON'T LISTEN TO ME!!! I am so frustrated O(-(....please any advice?? Thanks

wallacesimmons Understanding my friend's mental health issues
  • replies: 4

My male friend is 19 years old. He has a secure job in the Australian Army. He has many troubles he often talks about with me but sometimes I feel unable to reciprocate. I'd like some advice on understanding what my friend may be facing in life. I wi... View more

My male friend is 19 years old. He has a secure job in the Australian Army. He has many troubles he often talks about with me but sometimes I feel unable to reciprocate. I'd like some advice on understanding what my friend may be facing in life. I will try and keep this concise. My friend is fit and healthy, his job requires it. He commits to his own ideas like 'going to the gym 4 times a week' but really it's whenever he feels like it. He is much more impulsive than structured, tends to act on his 'want' more than his long-term 'need'. He only sticks with an idea or plan if he sees immediate repeated success. I'd say he is easily discouraged and unable to commit to long-term ideas, impatient. Currently, he has financial trouble and generally spends his money as soon as its obtained. Purchases are made in large quantities without any respect for savings. It's only when he realises he has no money he tells me he has to save some. Like a vicious cycle. He recently took out a $30k loan - 'to get a vehicle', any attempt I made at persuading him to get a low-cost first car was ignored. I think he values the immediate fun of owning a fancy car and 'showing it off' more than the smart long-term approach. I think he compensates a lot for his lack of identity. I have an excellent relationship with him, we know each other very well. Our conversations are generally about him or his interests. I find he has very little or no appreciation for many things that he isn't preoccupied. Even things as general as music, books, arts or culture. He just completely ignores or just doesn't care. Even when I talk about my life there is a pretend to care response but very rarely do you get constructive responses out of him when discussing my life. I believe he is selfish. He is usually very respectful in conversation but occasionally just cuts you off and speaks his mind - or he ignores your rant / detailed explanation because he either can't understand it or it's 'useless to him'. He doesn't tell me this but I believe this is what is happening. I tried to keep this short. His life is very fast paced and I feel he thinks life is a big race to get money and act tough. Very rarely does he act in the present and appreciate the small things in life. I don't think he is gaining any more perspective even though he should be learning lessons through his job and through supposed financial mistakes. I care for my friend and we are very in tune as a pair. Thanks.

10101 How can I help my husband ?
  • replies: 6

My husband had been struggling with depression for a while he gets anxiety and panic attacks also. He started taking medication 6 months ago, since starting the medication he has started drinking more heavily. His depression has been getting worse so... View more

My husband had been struggling with depression for a while he gets anxiety and panic attacks also. He started taking medication 6 months ago, since starting the medication he has started drinking more heavily. His depression has been getting worse so last week the doctor changed his meds and now he has fallen more into the depression he can’t stop drinking.His moods jump from wanting help and being aware that it’s not him, to angry outbursts and wants to be alone . I have tried suggesting he checks in with his GP but he is reluctant to see them. I just want to help him and don’t know where to start