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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Sparkey8 Not a punch-bag. How to set boundaries?
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, new to the forum. My husband has been dx'd with depression and is on an SSRI which he sometimes (a few times a week) forgets to take. He has only been on it for a couple of weeks. He's a great guy, I love him dearly however we are having iss... View more

Hi guys, new to the forum. My husband has been dx'd with depression and is on an SSRI which he sometimes (a few times a week) forgets to take. He has only been on it for a couple of weeks. He's a great guy, I love him dearly however we are having issues with him lashing out at me verbally. He criticises the way in which I look after our daughter which makes me very sad, because it's not true and during his ok times he would never even think such things. A few weeks ago he listed off 18 things about me that he felt were wrong or that were my bad points. He has since apologised for that but I can't stop thinking about them, because most of them were true, stuff like I don't care for my things enough etc. What I need to know is: how do you establish what is unacceptable behaviour whilst still supporting your partner? How do you let things go that they say in their bad times? Am I just being over-sensitive to these remarks?

Blackboy How to help my wife who has a serious psychiatric condition
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm new here but I hear many good things about Beyond Blue. I hope I can get good advice. My wife of 34 years, who is now 61 years old, has become seriously mentally ill. She has had alcoholism and depressive thinking all her life, but in the las... View more

Hi, I'm new here but I hear many good things about Beyond Blue. I hope I can get good advice. My wife of 34 years, who is now 61 years old, has become seriously mentally ill. She has had alcoholism and depressive thinking all her life, but in the last 2 weeks it has got a lot worse. Now she sleeps nearly all day, or at least stays in bed; she eats and drinks very little; she does not take her prescribed medication. Medical professionals have given her very good advice as to how to get back to mental and physical health, but she does not follow the advice. She is getting weaker and has collapsed on the floor 3 times in the last week. She does not want to see her doctor and does not want to go into hospital or any treatment centre. She often drinks wine when I am not looking. I phoned a mental health team to see if she could be taken in for mental health treatment but they said no because she is not actually talking about suicide. She is wasting away and is incapable of simple tasks or of looking after herself. I do whatever I can to help her, but I can't force her to eat or drink or take her medicine or stay off the wine. Nothing I can say cheers her up, she just curls up into a foetal ball and stays in bed. I am sure she is in desperate need of medical and psychiatric care but she won't go. What can I do to get her the help she needs? Thanks in advance to anyone who can tell me what I can do!

johnt88 Helping someone with depression
  • replies: 6

Hi Everyone. This is my first time posting on these forums. I'm lucky enough to not suffer from depression or anxiety much. However, my wife suffers from both. She takes medication etc but there are times I feel powerless to help her, as I am not exp... View more

Hi Everyone. This is my first time posting on these forums. I'm lucky enough to not suffer from depression or anxiety much. However, my wife suffers from both. She takes medication etc but there are times I feel powerless to help her, as I am not experienced in those feelings/ thoughts and I have, on occasion, become frustrated, which worsens the situation. She's the best person and deserves the best. We are happily married and our relationship with each other is fantastic. However, there are things that get her down that I wish I could help with. She used to be a bit overweight and despite losing over 60kgs, she still feels unattractive and has low self- esteem (I am extremely attracted to her btw) and I make a conscious effort tom tell her how beautiful/ sexy she is and I mean it, but she either doesn't believe it or can't believe it (again, showing my ignorance to mental health). We have both been having fertility issues over the past 3 or so years, which has been very hard on both of us, but with her pre- existing mental health conditions, it has been harder on her. We are still confident that we will fall pregnant shortly, but I find it a lot easier to be optimistic about a lot of things than she does. We have not had sex this year that I can remember and she assures me that this is not because of me, but that it is to do with her not feeling attractive and not wanting/ deserving sex. To be clear, I would trade ever having sex again for my wife's happiness and health in a heartbeat, but this situation has made me feel slightly unattractive/ unloved even though I do know she loves me. Are these feelings warranted? There are other issues that have impacted my wife's mental health, such as being sexually abused as a teenager. She has also confessed that she recently contemplated not being here and that I would be better off without her, which scared me so much as I love her so much and I need her here. Basically, I want to know how I can help and what to do when she has severe depression and anxiety. A side note is that with the fertility issues and my own issues with losing multiple jobs due to redundancy/ unemployment, I have occasionally felt useless and I have started to become more stressed/ depressed/ anxious than normal. However, I feel that I can't bring this up with my wife as whenever I do, she blames herself for things, even though it's not her fault, which then makes her depression worse, so I mainly stay silent. Thanks so much for any advice

Caz56 Anxious
  • replies: 2

Hi I woyld like to know if there are any parents going through Anxiety,Depression & Meltdowns with their child?

Hi I woyld like to know if there are any parents going through Anxiety,Depression & Meltdowns with their child?

Tre16 Help for depressed teenager
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I’m a mum of a 16yo teenager girl. She has been depressed and having suicidal thoughts for some time now but has only recently opened up to me about it. She has told me she won’t do anything as she doesn’t want to hurt me but I just don’t k... View more

Hi there, I’m a mum of a 16yo teenager girl. She has been depressed and having suicidal thoughts for some time now but has only recently opened up to me about it. She has told me she won’t do anything as she doesn’t want to hurt me but I just don’t know what to do to help her. She has always had issues with friendships with others around her own age. She gets along really well with older people though. We have tried counselling many times over the years but she just won’t open up to anyone she doesn’t know or trust. I know she is lonely. She does prefer to hang out at home but it worries me that she doesn’t have friends her own age who want to spend time with her. She was diagnosed with ADHD when she was 10 and went on various medications over the years which never really helped. She buried her head in the sand and did not want to understand or learn about her condition. I’ve never wanted her to be on the medication but had to be guided by doctors opinions of my perception of what had been going on. A few months ago she took the initiative to read up on the side affects of the medications she was taking of which she was experiencing almost all side effects. She then stopped all medication cold turkey swapping to taking vitamins instead. That was about 5 months ago now and all the side effects she was experiencing stopped almost immediately. When she opened up to me recently about her thoughts I said to her that it worried me because she had stopped taking the medication but she said she has been having the depression/suicidal thoughts even when on the medication. She just didn’t tell me about it. I’d love to know if anyone else has been through something similar as a parent and if you have any tips or ideas which may help. Thank you.

Sarah4000 Helping your adult sister
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I've come here as I don't know how to help my sister. Thanks in advancefor reading. My sister has struggled with mental illness the last 20 years but this last year she has become much worse. I don't know if she sees a mental health provi... View more

Hi everyone I've come here as I don't know how to help my sister. Thanks in advancefor reading. My sister has struggled with mental illness the last 20 years but this last year she has become much worse. I don't know if she sees a mental health provider as she is very hard to communicate with and doesn't welcome mental health treatment. In recent times she has hallucinated, thought she was possessed, thought someone was going to kill her and now hears things. This is all very real in her mind. She has also put herself in what I believe to be very dangerous situations. She is unable to manage herself or her finances and isn't really open or of a sound enough mind to get help. I generally only hear from her when she needs money or is in a crisis. I love her and want her to live a happy, content life but I really don't know how to help her. I've helped her the last 20 years and always been there but I don't know that I've really improved her situation. Any advice is really appreciated as I'm lost. Thank you

inkhart Undiagnosed Treatment Resistant Schizophrenia
  • replies: 11

Hello everyone I'm at a loss of what to do. A close friend of mine has been struggling for the last decade with what we now believe is Schizophrenia. She has had a long history of bad experiences with doctors not believing her and she has a very trau... View more

Hello everyone I'm at a loss of what to do. A close friend of mine has been struggling for the last decade with what we now believe is Schizophrenia. She has had a long history of bad experiences with doctors not believing her and she has a very traumatic and distressing history. She agreed to see another doctor, and got lucky with one who finally took her seriously and perscribed anti-psychotics. The doctor believed it was either Autism or Schizophrenia. Reports from her and her partner were that the medication was going well, though she was struggling with side effects. She was on them for about 3 weeks before something bad happened which she legally, socially, ethically wasn't responsible for, however she irrationally linked with to taking medication (something she views as wrong), so she reverted back to not taking them. She paints the world with a very, very black and white brush. There seem to be things that no amount of conversation will change, and she's aware of it. According to her, bad things are just her fault, and she deserves it. It's likely she won't see that doctor again, at the very least, it will take a long time before she is ready again. I know, as a carer, I'm only responsible for my actions and I can't make someone do something they don't want, but I'm just not sure where to go from here. All the services seem to say the first port of call is the doctor, and the one doctor who took her seriously said that there isn't anything that can be done while she still suffers from paranoia. Thanks for your time, Isaac

Angel_love Partner depressed and suicidle I'm trying to be strong
  • replies: 1

Hi this is my first post as I don't know who else to turn to The last year and half my partner has been diagnosed with depression we have seeked help trying medications and phycologist When we look like making progress we take one step forward and th... View more

Hi this is my first post as I don't know who else to turn to The last year and half my partner has been diagnosed with depression we have seeked help trying medications and phycologist When we look like making progress we take one step forward and three back I'm trying so hard to be his support he calls me his angel but now he's getting worse it's so hard obviously it's cause I'm the closest person to him we argue cause I try so hard to keep it altogether but the pressure is so hard when dealing with all that life throws at you and stepping on egg shells trying to support the man that you love the depression has caused him to do things that he would never do before get angry yell lie all things he never did before I love this man with all my heart I go to docs with him sort his medication support him going to phycologist encourage him support him but by all means I'm not a saint I get frustrated and yell when I no I shldnt and I'm not proud of it hes at his worst now he's on meds and trying to work out which are the ones for him He wants to give up he thinks leaving this world would make this place a better place leaving me and my children would be better for me than putting me through this how do I stay strong how do I help him wanna live again and enjoy life again How can I be his angel no matter how frustrating this disease gets I truly love this man and do not wanna give up on him

Tony_F Depressed Husband & Pregnant PTSD Wife
  • replies: 4

Hi, This is my first post and I am feeling some what anxious about sharing my personal issues online, but I feel I must reach out not only for myself, but for the benefit of my wife and children. My wife and I are in our mid 30's and have three child... View more

Hi, This is my first post and I am feeling some what anxious about sharing my personal issues online, but I feel I must reach out not only for myself, but for the benefit of my wife and children. My wife and I are in our mid 30's and have three children and are expecting our fourth. My pregnant wife suffers with PTSD from a traumatic child hood, her currently being pregnant is making everything harder, and I suffer intermittently from depression. We have been together for almost 17 years, and have had to endure some amazingly difficult times. But without getting too personal I would like to just get right into it. Our marriage is suffering... My wife is suffering, I am suffering, and the kids I believe have been effected and are also in some ways suffering, even though we try as hard as we can to shield them from our adult issues. Currently our situation is quite bad, my wife is staying at her sisters house whilst I am at home with the children. I feel useless and depressed because of so many things in our lives that I feel we've lost control over. We want to sell our home and move. But, the problem I am having is that I fall in and out of depression.. and this has happened for years, which has hindered me from having the motivation to complete just about anything in the house, and personal goals. I don't blame her at all, it's just hard. Why am I depressed? Well.. My wife whom I love very much suffers from PTSD and because of this I have to endure a lot of disrespect, personal put downs, personal attacks and insults, even sometimes a physical attack such as push or shove, or even get things thrown at me. Honestly, I am 6 foot 5 so it's more so the verbal attacks that hurt me more than anything. I try so hard to talk to her, and get her to understand things but it is hard for her to trust my judgement due to her PTSD? She doesn't see how it's all connected, or am I wrong? I am very depressed, I wish she could see that PTSD effects the whole house, not just her. I believe her PTSD causes my depression, which leads me to have no motivation around the house, which triggers her to call me lazy, then gets mad and attacks me emotionally which makes me even more depressed, which in return I have no motivation and then she again lashes out at me. Please, can anyone help me to understand what I need to do? I love my wife so much I do not want us to break up, I know shes in there under the PTSD, and she is so beautiful. Thank you.

At_wits_end Worried sick bout my 19 year old daughter
  • replies: 5

Hi I’m new on here ,and I’m willing try anything if it will help me with my daughter. Basically we have mental health issues in our family ,I myself suffer too. My daughter suffers with ptsd aswell as depression and anxiety , mostly due to sexual ass... View more

Hi I’m new on here ,and I’m willing try anything if it will help me with my daughter. Basically we have mental health issues in our family ,I myself suffer too. My daughter suffers with ptsd aswell as depression and anxiety , mostly due to sexual assault,which I was unaware of until last year. My daughter has a boyfriend and is sexually active . Last year and a week ago they argued ,and she did not take it well at all and was admitted to hospital both times into a Phyc ward . I’m worried sick and afraid if they breakup again that she may not make it .