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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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copingwithdepressedpartne I'm really angry at you, Depression
  • replies: 10

Dear depression, I want my boyfriend back please. He’s been gone for three months now and I’d like him back. Occasionally over the last three months he has broken through you, depression, and has given me clarity, he’ll tell me he loves me and that e... View more

Dear depression, I want my boyfriend back please. He’s been gone for three months now and I’d like him back. Occasionally over the last three months he has broken through you, depression, and has given me clarity, he’ll tell me he loves me and that everything will be okay, but most of the last three months has been him taken over by you, depression. I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying to wait until you go away, but I’ve had enough!! People ask after my boyfriend and I say, 'he’s good,' but I just want to shout at them and yell, ‘This thing called depression is visiting and has taken him away from me and he’s not at all good!!’ The hardest thing, depression, is when you make him withdraw so much that he won’t talk to me, he won’t respond to calls or texts for days, it’s devastating and worries me so much. When depression wasn’t visiting this was a man who told me lovely things, we spoke of moving in together and getting married, it was amazing. He knows me and I know him, we get each other. We have so much fun. We laugh at the silliest things until we cry. We have both never been in a relationship quite so good, quite so right. You think, depression, that you can tell him things that he will believe, negative things, that nothing is right and nothing is good enough. Well, you’re not fooling me and soon you won’t be able to fool him anymore either. Depression, you’ve made us both feel anxiety about our future. You have made my beautiful man behave differently, he talks slowly, he can’t make decisions and he gets terrible headaches when you’re around. He is the love of my life and you cannot have him!! You really have gotten in the way of our relationship. We’ll fight you off eventually and, no, you cannot come back, not even for a visit.

Fembae Another Newbie
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I've been reading the online forums and am uplifted by your supportive responses to each other. I am keen to be part of this forum. I am supporting a long-term (very loving) partner with depression and anxiety. Despite regular treatment (ther... View more

Hi all, I've been reading the online forums and am uplifted by your supportive responses to each other. I am keen to be part of this forum. I am supporting a long-term (very loving) partner with depression and anxiety. Despite regular treatment (therapy), his condition has been getting worse and has affected his ability to work. He is now seeing a psychiatrist. I hope to be able to connect with others, as I find it hard to talk to family and friends about our situation. Lately, I have been feeling more and more alone. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.

Helpforpartner Partner has suspected BPD
  • replies: 12

Hi everyone, I’m new here. My partner has suffered depression for a couple of years. She has been on medication on and off. She seems happier overall now as our relationship has improved, however she has anxiety and seems to have most of the symptoms... View more

Hi everyone, I’m new here. My partner has suffered depression for a couple of years. She has been on medication on and off. She seems happier overall now as our relationship has improved, however she has anxiety and seems to have most of the symptoms of bpd. My mother worked this out and my partner looked at the symptoms and confirmed she thought she had it. she has been to one psychologist but didn’t like her. The problem is she never tells them the truth. Think she is scared of getting locked up. she was going to attempt suicide once. I stopped her. She hasn’t again but she does sometimes drink. She is not good with alcohol. it seems like she sometimes has other personalities which is very scary and she can never remember it afterwards. she stopped taking medication now and for the most part is off meds. I don’t know what to do but it is so bad I am scared to leave her on her own for long. should she see a psychologist or psychiatrist? Any other recommendations would be appreciated. She does not want to go to hospital. She was scheduled 3 times but when the mental health dr speaks to her she tells them what they want to hear and she is out again. I don’t want her locked up but I have a bad feeling she may kill herself. She says she is no longer suicidal and I believe her for now. I work about her other personality though. shr has issues due to a bad relationship with her mum. She also has issues because I was very distant for many years. I yelled at her the day she tried to kill her self. I feel horrible and regret it. She fell apart and was going to kill herself. The fear of losing her has actually improved our relationship but she is very broken. Any help would be much appreciated. I’m having trouble sleeping and working as she seems to need constant attention.

Helpmypartner Partner is on antidepressants, relationship going down hill
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, just looking to some advice/help or anyone in a similar situation. my partner and I have been together for roughly 7 years. When we first started dating it was great (honey moon stage i guess) he has been on antidepressants for quite a few y... View more

Hi guys, just looking to some advice/help or anyone in a similar situation. my partner and I have been together for roughly 7 years. When we first started dating it was great (honey moon stage i guess) he has been on antidepressants for quite a few years. The last 3 or so years our relationship has slowly gotten worse. We have zero affection. Not even a kiss hello or goodbuy or a hug. Half the time we don’t sleep in the same bed as he snores. We haven’t had sex in probably 3 years. He has admitttd that his meds leave him with a low sex drive. He also suffers with anxiety and we never go out anywhere together. We have had a few big fights lately, and he has agreed to see a cognitive behavioural therapist to help him. He doesn’t like to talk to me about his feelings. I really love him and want to stay with him but I need help dealing with having a loveless relationship. How can I approach this to maybe re introduce some affection. He hardly likes to be touched. It’s really sad as I love him so much and it feels to me he is so emotionally numb from his antidepressants that he cannot show me any feelings. His psychiatrist also didn’t suggest he stop taking his meds or switch, but for him just to see a cbt. Any help or guidance would be appreciated

MsDee86 Supporting my partner who wont receive help
  • replies: 1

Hi all I Am a newbie to BB. I have been reading some threads and found some useful tips for the situation I am in. Let me begin by explaining my situation. I have suffered depression and anxiety for many many years. I'm now 32 and at times, I still s... View more

Hi all I Am a newbie to BB. I have been reading some threads and found some useful tips for the situation I am in. Let me begin by explaining my situation. I have suffered depression and anxiety for many many years. I'm now 32 and at times, I still struggle but I'm doing alot better. My partner has also suffers depression and anxiety. I am currently pregnant (only early weeks) however, his depression got the better of him and he left to move back to his mums place which is 2 hours from me. we text everyday and I'm still the only person he can turn too at this point. It makes it extremely hard when he refuses to get help. He also expects me to up and leave him as that is what he is use too. I won't give up on trying to help and support him. Can anyone please offer me some advice and assistance in what I can do. I feel helpless cause I keep sounding like a broken record. He is at his very lowest and im scared I will lose him. THank you everyone for taking the time to read my thread. Dee

AC2025 Friend has panic attacks in sleep what should I do?
  • replies: 3

Hi so basically my friend has panic attacks in her sleep and I was wondering what should I do when this happens, do I wake her up or just let it happen? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Hi so basically my friend has panic attacks in her sleep and I was wondering what should I do when this happens, do I wake her up or just let it happen? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

km70 Our 20 year old son
  • replies: 4

Our son left home not long after finishing school 2 years ago and has traveled extensively since so we haven't seen a lot of him. About 6 months after he left he told us he had depression. He has just spent over a year living in Perth (we're on East ... View more

Our son left home not long after finishing school 2 years ago and has traveled extensively since so we haven't seen a lot of him. About 6 months after he left he told us he had depression. He has just spent over a year living in Perth (we're on East coast) and I became so worried about the way he was talking/feeling I suggested he see the GP about a referral to a psychologist. The GP told him to "man up" (unbelievably) but still prescribed him anti-depressants. He delayed booking into a psych so I asked him if it would help if I found and booked one which he agreed to. After about 4 sessions he decided to come home. It transpired that he'd "put on a show" for the psych and made out he was ok (although scored severe anxiety and depression in the test she gave him). He told me he'd thought about suicide a few times and that it all started with being bullied in year 12 (which I was completely unaware of - he's always been very good at putting on a show). After a few months on the meds he decided they weren't working anymore. He was agitated, defensive, argumentative and was drinking more than I thought was healthy but I bit my tongue. He wanted to get his meds upped and was going to go to the local medical centre (sausage factory) but I managed to talk him into going to our family GP practice where one of the doctors specialised in mental health. He went today and while he was out I found a notebook on his bedroom floor. In the middle of it he'd written that he wanted to die and that we tell him we love him but we don't really, we're just saying what's expected of parents. That he is the son his father always wished he never had. That since he was bullied he's felt worthless and the constant need for attention and validation is driving him crazy and he doesn't go a day without staring at the ceiling fan in his room and thinking about suicide, that he drinks too much to try and get up the courage. He said he has no true friends and no-one would notice if he stopped breathing. I'm beside myself. I shouldn't have opened it but I'm glad I did. When he got home I asked him how he went and he said fine and the dr had upped his meds and referred him to a psych. He sounded pretty chipper. I'm at a loss at what to do. Should I contact the GP or psych in case he hides the suicidal thoughts? Sorry for the long post but I'm at my wits end.

Lomas Narcissistic sister in law
  • replies: 1

So my brother has been married less for 2 mths and his wife has done a 180....she is your typical narcissist. I am aware of this mental condition very well as my mother has it. I want a relationship with my brother but not sure how to deal with her .... View more

So my brother has been married less for 2 mths and his wife has done a 180....she is your typical narcissist. I am aware of this mental condition very well as my mother has it. I want a relationship with my brother but not sure how to deal with her . She expects me to call her all the time. Does that like if I call my brother ...even though I rarely do! It's a one-sided relationship. And to add to it she's expecting. Any advice appreciated.

Megan2019 Supporting a Mum with Depression who’s birthday is 1st Jan
  • replies: 6

Mum who’s on quite high medication for depression that doesn’t seem to be working, she finds it too difficult to leave the house, even more difficult to celebrate Christmas, hasn’t smiled for a while, feels she can’t do anything on her own, and doesn... View more

Mum who’s on quite high medication for depression that doesn’t seem to be working, she finds it too difficult to leave the house, even more difficult to celebrate Christmas, hasn’t smiled for a while, feels she can’t do anything on her own, and doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday on 1st Jan. what do I do? I’ve tried to encourage her that doing something small, going for lunch with immediate family would be good for her birthday, but she refuses. She says she doesn’t want to celebrate and doesn’t want to see anyone or go anywhere? I’m not sure what to do? I try to encourage her but she won’t listen. Do I just let her be?

Sister_01 how to help my brother
  • replies: 4

my Brother who is 50 is suffering from depression and has been for a while but will not take medication as he says he is on enough (tackling diabetes) I can tell it is severe and have been trying for a while to get him to go to the Dr. to talk about ... View more

my Brother who is 50 is suffering from depression and has been for a while but will not take medication as he says he is on enough (tackling diabetes) I can tell it is severe and have been trying for a while to get him to go to the Dr. to talk about medication. (We are not very close anymore and I wonder if that is the depression) a few days ago my younger sister called him and he said he was always angry and wanted to hurt someone but said he never would. This is making me worry as I am sure if he is left untreated he is only going to get even worse. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can convince him things can't progress anymore and to get the help he obviously needs. Both our Parents are deceased our father quite recently. and we are not close enough to our sister in-law to talk to her although I think I should make myself. Any help would be appreciated