Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

19Maddy94 Helping a Partner cope with placement
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new to beyond blue, but have been helping my partner cope with depression and anxiety since high school. We’ve been together 7 years and have faced some difficult times. My partner is currently studying to be a nurse and was supposed to ... View more

Hi all, I am new to beyond blue, but have been helping my partner cope with depression and anxiety since high school. We’ve been together 7 years and have faced some difficult times. My partner is currently studying to be a nurse and was supposed to start placement this morning for his RN’s, he has previously been on placement when he did his EN’s with just a bit of difficulty to begin with but once settled into a routine he excelled and loved the work. This morning he had a major panic attack, I couldn’t get him out of bed and he ended up asking me to call his facilitator and advise her of the circumstances and that he would not be able to attend today. He already sees a psych occasionally (and I will try and get him in to see him today) but I need advice on what I can do to make the transition easier for him. He says he hates himself for not being able to do things or provide for me (as I work full time and provide for us both). I just don’t want this to escalate to him not doing any of his placement as he is already behind on his classes. I love him and have tried to be as supportive as possible, putting our future on hold so he could study something he loved. I just don’t know what to do.

AALAAA I dont want to be the strong one anymore - supporting a chronically ill husband.
  • replies: 7

Thanks for reading! I have a 5 year old daughter and a 50 year old husband who I love dearly but I am struggling to remain strong in light of his health issues. He has psoriatic arthritis (similar to Rheumatoid arthritis) and all his joints are affec... View more

Thanks for reading! I have a 5 year old daughter and a 50 year old husband who I love dearly but I am struggling to remain strong in light of his health issues. He has psoriatic arthritis (similar to Rheumatoid arthritis) and all his joints are affected to the point he can hardly move. He is overweight and severely depressed to the point where he is sleeping heaps - he even fell asleep standing up reading an article the other day. Very little gets done around the house as he is just not able to physically do the work - which for an ex builder is very frustrating for him. He is unable to work which means I have had to return to work 4 days a week. I get home and I am tired but then have to ensure my daughter is sorted (school lunches etc) and get the house sorted whilst he lies in bed either too sore to get up or just cant '. Numerous times I go to bed and the dishes are not done etc as I just don't have the energy to do them. The house by the end of the week is a disaster zone which then increases the all round stress. This has been going on for 10 years but is slowly getting worse. Our daughter has just started school and is not the least bit happy about it. Hubby is doing the school drop off and pick ups at the moment which is a good thing. Financially we are struggling - hubby has to email the bank to ask for help but he just isn't able to get around to it - I cant do it as its not in my name. We cant afford to pay for help (ie cleaning or ironing) and so I feel as if I am the one doing everything at home and I'm getting resentful. But I just don't want to be the strong one anymore - I know I have to but I don't want to.

Purple_People_Eater Mental Health Carer Support Groups
  • replies: 5

I was trying to help another member find these on Carer Gateway. I have only managed to find the Victorian resources so far, please see below http://tandemcarers.org.au/carer-support-groups.php

I was trying to help another member find these on Carer Gateway. I have only managed to find the Victorian resources so far, please see below http://tandemcarers.org.au/carer-support-groups.php

George81 12 years old - anxiety issues?
  • replies: 10

Hi, my name is George and this is about my 12 year old son. For roughly 4 years his anxieties have been building. We are at a stage now where symptoms include not being able to shower without assistance (turning on/off taps, shielding him as he makes... View more

Hi, my name is George and this is about my 12 year old son. For roughly 4 years his anxieties have been building. We are at a stage now where symptoms include not being able to shower without assistance (turning on/off taps, shielding him as he makes his way to his room after the shower), not being able to walk past him as the wind one creates may touch him, blinds must be down in case people are watching him as he changes clothes, if we go somewhere he is suspicious of the surroundings as they may be bugged I.e cameras and not being able to touch him I.e hug, pat on the back etc. If any of the above is compromisec my wife has to scratch his arms or back etc to make things right again. Until such time he brings the house down with the way he carries on. With some of the above we can predict the behaviour on some occassions we can't. For example sometimes he wants a hug and other times he stays well away. So, I know there is no easy solution but just thought I'd get some insight from others through a forum like this. Thanks...

SubduedBlues Tourette's Syndrome: dealing with stigma
  • replies: 4

From time to time I have written about Tourette's Syndrome (TS) and having to deal with the stigma associated with it. Last year, I joined the committee of a charitable organization that deals with TS. Now, I am giving serious consideration to approa... View more

From time to time I have written about Tourette's Syndrome (TS) and having to deal with the stigma associated with it. Last year, I joined the committee of a charitable organization that deals with TS. Now, I am giving serious consideration to approaching my employer to determine if they'd be open to including the charity in their Corporate Social Responsibility programme. Where many people at work are aware of my tics, twitches and uncontrollable shudders, they are not necessarily aware that I have TS. But to ask the company to support the charity ... well on one hand, I don't want to have to hide who I am anymore. On the other, I am afraid that I will be hanging a flashing neon sign above my head that says "Tourettes Guy". This action could very well be the biggest career limiting move of my life. But, then again, with the modern world being more receptive to those of us who are not perfect, it could be an opening to a whole new world of successes. But I know not what to do. Any thoughts?

Jasmine_B1 Partner depressed and isolated
  • replies: 2

Hi, So I've had depression and anxiety for a long time and it ebbs and flows in its seriousness, but I've been doing relatively well for while now...however my partner who also has a history with depression has recently relapsed into very poor sleep,... View more

Hi, So I've had depression and anxiety for a long time and it ebbs and flows in its seriousness, but I've been doing relatively well for while now...however my partner who also has a history with depression has recently relapsed into very poor sleep, not eating as much and then losing weight, cutting off his friends and family. The last part is especially worrying, as I know for a fact that he struggles to confide his problems in me, because he believes I will worry myself into a bad place, so he simply doesn't talk to anyone about what he's going through, and he won't go seek professional help either. He's working a lot which is good for keeping him busy, but when he comes home he only wants to game. We rarely see friends and our physical relationship has started to taking a hit as well... I just really need some advice, I don't wanna just go behind his back and start asking friends to organise things for him to go to, but if he can't talk to me I really REALLY want him to talk to someone. please help, J

Minimalman My partner has ptsd and i am a little lost as to how to act and support
  • replies: 1

My partner and i started a gorgeous relationship the same time as she started a high pressure corporate job. The very day she started her new job her anxiety started to increase and she started not sleeping properly, not relaxing and it kept building... View more

My partner and i started a gorgeous relationship the same time as she started a high pressure corporate job. The very day she started her new job her anxiety started to increase and she started not sleeping properly, not relaxing and it kept building and as she has been dealing with ptsd for around 7 years , last week she had an episode of which i was asked to leave to give her space, but then she totally pushed herself away from me even stopped telling me her feelings toward me, and not communicating but seemed to fall back into her default world to cope. I have felt shocked and lost and like it was my fault... i love her with all my heart and i would love to hear any points or tips on how to support her.. i thought i had lost her but today she gave me a little ray of sunshine and i can see she doesnt want to lose me .. thankyou so much

Oliphant How do you deal with a lack of intimacy?
  • replies: 12

My wife has severe depression & anxiety. She’s receiving medical help for that. Since the birth of our child, several years ago, she’s been anti any sort of intimacy. I’m actually very surprised these days to get anything other than a negative respon... View more

My wife has severe depression & anxiety. She’s receiving medical help for that. Since the birth of our child, several years ago, she’s been anti any sort of intimacy. I’m actually very surprised these days to get anything other than a negative response if I so much as try to hold hands. So, what do I do? Obviously I really don’t want to carry on like this. But I don’t want to turn my back on my family, either. Ideas? Experiences?

Mirtle I am my wife’s trigger
  • replies: 2

My wife suffers depression and anxiety and insomnia. She has been in a very poor state for 6+months. She refuses to seek help, so I am the only one she tells everything to. She’s recently been thru phases of: depression, almost psychotic delusions, p... View more

My wife suffers depression and anxiety and insomnia. She has been in a very poor state for 6+months. She refuses to seek help, so I am the only one she tells everything to. She’s recently been thru phases of: depression, almost psychotic delusions, paranoia, anger at her family, then anger at me, currently she is recovering but she locks her self in her room and avoids seeing me if possible at times or drives away to a nearby town and spends whole days there often contacting me to pick her up because she’s drank too much. Almost every time we are together she complains about stomach/chest pain and doesn’t want to talk after that. Just when I think things are getting back to normal she will have a bad day and avoid me again. Throughout this whole time she has hardly ever had any good sleep. can anyone suggest how I may be able to support her thru this without bringing on the chest pain every time we are together. Or how she can get some sleep. tia mitch

copingwithdepressedpartne I'm really angry at you, Depression
  • replies: 10

Dear depression, I want my boyfriend back please. He’s been gone for three months now and I’d like him back. Occasionally over the last three months he has broken through you, depression, and has given me clarity, he’ll tell me he loves me and that e... View more

Dear depression, I want my boyfriend back please. He’s been gone for three months now and I’d like him back. Occasionally over the last three months he has broken through you, depression, and has given me clarity, he’ll tell me he loves me and that everything will be okay, but most of the last three months has been him taken over by you, depression. I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying to wait until you go away, but I’ve had enough!! People ask after my boyfriend and I say, 'he’s good,' but I just want to shout at them and yell, ‘This thing called depression is visiting and has taken him away from me and he’s not at all good!!’ The hardest thing, depression, is when you make him withdraw so much that he won’t talk to me, he won’t respond to calls or texts for days, it’s devastating and worries me so much. When depression wasn’t visiting this was a man who told me lovely things, we spoke of moving in together and getting married, it was amazing. He knows me and I know him, we get each other. We have so much fun. We laugh at the silliest things until we cry. We have both never been in a relationship quite so good, quite so right. You think, depression, that you can tell him things that he will believe, negative things, that nothing is right and nothing is good enough. Well, you’re not fooling me and soon you won’t be able to fool him anymore either. Depression, you’ve made us both feel anxiety about our future. You have made my beautiful man behave differently, he talks slowly, he can’t make decisions and he gets terrible headaches when you’re around. He is the love of my life and you cannot have him!! You really have gotten in the way of our relationship. We’ll fight you off eventually and, no, you cannot come back, not even for a visit.