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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Talltree Depression, family and finance
  • replies: 4

Hi, My husband has been diagnosed with depression. We believe he has had it for many years and about a year ago saw a doctor and was prescribed anti-depressants. The medication worked well (he was happy again after many hard years) and even though th... View more

Hi, My husband has been diagnosed with depression. We believe he has had it for many years and about a year ago saw a doctor and was prescribed anti-depressants. The medication worked well (he was happy again after many hard years) and even though the dr asked for him to also see a councillor/psychologist to hone in on the reasons of his depression, he decided against it. A year later, he sold his business and without any communication with me has decided that he can’t work (he was aiming for a part time job after selling the business). His reasons change from wanting to be around for our kids (12&8 years), to not being able to work due to his mental health. I work full time but I don’t earn enough to cover all the bills. He knows this but still refuses to help. This puts a lot of pressure on me to the point that I’m now getting overly stressed. If I mention the cost of upcoming bills he does not care and that I need to apologies to him for being cranky. I have no idea what to do… And I feel absolutely stuck… Has anyone been or in a similar situation and can offer any advice? Thanks

dcs083 My Husbands Depression is Getting Worse
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, My husband suffers from depression, anxiety and has been diagnoses with BPD. Like most, he has his good days and his bad. However, since his brain surgery last year, things have been getting progressively worse. He's definitely notice he... View more

Hi everyone, My husband suffers from depression, anxiety and has been diagnoses with BPD. Like most, he has his good days and his bad. However, since his brain surgery last year, things have been getting progressively worse. He's definitely notice he's changed and he's seeking help from a therapist, which is great, but with each attack of his depression, he just starts to shut himself out. I struggle with this because I'm a talker and like to talk things through immediately rather than letting things boil internally. I'm learning to change my way of thinking to help support him which is why I'm here. I'm here to seek advice and to find out if there are any groups I could attend or classes I could join in Sydney to learn more about anxiety and depression, to gain a better understanding of what my husband is going through on a daily basis, This is also something that my husband is encouraging me to do. Thank you all for taking the time to help me out.

Horaldo I'm worried about my 15-year-old son
  • replies: 2

My son is a bright, caring boy, but I'm worried that his family are the only ones that get to see that side of him. He has always been quiet, but in the last year or so his social anxiety has become much worse. He completely shuts down when he is aro... View more

My son is a bright, caring boy, but I'm worried that his family are the only ones that get to see that side of him. He has always been quiet, but in the last year or so his social anxiety has become much worse. He completely shuts down when he is around people that are not close friends or family. He hates talking to teachers or shop assistants and avoids it at all costs. It became really obvious when we were on a trip with his aikido group. Even though these are people we see regularly, I was dismayed to see him giving one-syllable answers to questions and disappearing at every opportunity. He said later that he had a near panic attack at the beginning of the course, just because of the other people around, and he described walking into the breakfast room with about 5 other people as 'being faced with a room of tigers'. We've talked to him, but he insists he is 'fine'. He says he is just antisocial and comfortable being that way. His plan is to simply avoid anything that makes him feel uncomfortable. He has a few friends from a previous school, but has made no new friends at a new school this year (which he insists is just because he doesn't like them, not because he's anxious). We have a family history of depression and anxiety, so I would really love to help him learn some more coping mechanisms and resilience. But he seems so resistant at the moment that I wonder if counselling would actually help, or if he would just argue with the counsellor as he is arguing with us. What do others think? Any tips on approaches on an anxious walled-off teenager would be very welcome.

Stuckinmud My boyfriend has severe depression and I need support
  • replies: 42

Hi everyone. I'm feeling very lost with my situation. My boyfriend of 3.5 years has depression, and I'm not coping very well. He switches between sleeping all day AND night, to sleeping during the day but being up all night, so most of the time our s... View more

Hi everyone. I'm feeling very lost with my situation. My boyfriend of 3.5 years has depression, and I'm not coping very well. He switches between sleeping all day AND night, to sleeping during the day but being up all night, so most of the time our sleeping patterns don't match and I rarely get to see him during the day. On the odd occasion he'll be able to wake up in the morning and do things during the day. We sleep in different rooms, however we do sometimes sleep together, but it has to be in his bed in the back room. He's taking 6 different antidepressants each day, he has body tremors in bed, sweats profusely in bed, gets irritable very easy, has no sex drive, doesn't cook or clean and expects me to go to the supermarket to buy food, otherwise he'll continuously buy take away food and get it delivered. It's a huge strain on me, and at times I just can't handle it. I have a disability and suffer from tiredness, depression and lack of motivation, just to name a few. His depression was improving recently after starting his 6th medication, but now it's just back to sleeping a lot again.Whenever he drinks, he does it to the point of passing out. Whenever he's awake, he just plays the xbox or watches Netflix in the back room. I feel lonely. He does have his good days, but they aren't often. He doesn't give me much affection, and often pushes me away, and he's quite critical of what I do and don't do. My mum and friends don't understand why I put up with this, and I know it's not my responsibility to look after his well-being, but he has actually done something about it and stuck to it since I've been with him. I've been encouraging him to never give up, and he's made the effort to go to Dr's appointments and tell them if he sees no improvement.I do love him very much, but it's very hard on me at times, and I've never experienced someone with this severe depression. I don't really know what I'm asking for, I just need support.

kathryn01 anxiety and depression
  • replies: 6

everyday i wake up scared all day. am on my own and find it impossible to deal with. its been going on for 25yrs and what do i do? i've seen people and it doesnt help. kathryn

everyday i wake up scared all day. am on my own and find it impossible to deal with. its been going on for 25yrs and what do i do? i've seen people and it doesnt help. kathryn

MickeyN Partner pushing me away - wants no contact
  • replies: 2

Good morning, I have been watching my partner slowly fall into the pits of depression. I suggested therapy and potentially meds before it was too late. She started to want more space, didnt want to talk, started becoming disctracted from others (the ... View more

Good morning, I have been watching my partner slowly fall into the pits of depression. I suggested therapy and potentially meds before it was too late. She started to want more space, didnt want to talk, started becoming disctracted from others (the thrill of being wanted), but just appeared to be numb around me. Last week after spending time together she just came out and said she couldnt be with me because she isnt stable and left. She said she cant be my support, and she cant deal with me. I told her that no matter what i wasnt going anywhere, and i know that she was pushing me away due to her depression. Granted i was quite upset on the weekend about this decision and could at that stage only feel the hurt. How do i give her the space, but still let her know i am here and i love her? I understand she needs to fix herself, but i want to be able to support her

WeGotThis Depressed partner and how to handle my fears
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum and I am not sure if I am in the right place. I just need to get this of my chest and hope to get some advice on how to proceed. My partner of 12 month has recently opened up about him dealing with depression. He h... View more

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum and I am not sure if I am in the right place. I just need to get this of my chest and hope to get some advice on how to proceed. My partner of 12 month has recently opened up about him dealing with depression. He has been on medication for about 6 months until he suddenly stopped without any help from his doctor. A few months later he was not able to cope any longer. He has been in a real dark place, talking about suicide, being angry and agitated, abusing alcohol and drugs. He went back to the doctor and started taking medication again.He has been taken them for over 2 month now but he seems to be getting worse. I have been trying to encourage him to also go and talk to someone. I am worried and scared and don't know where to start. I am trying to be supportive, understanding, give him space when he needs it but also show him that I am here if he wants me to be. He says he loves me and I am the only good thing in his life but that he hates how he lowers the quality of my life, that I deserve so much better and that he doesn't understand how I can love such a looser. I am just confused about what is the disease and what might be his character? Last weekend we had a great time away watching a band,...suddenly, like every time when we seem to go away for a weekend getaway or anything fun, he gets angry with me, starts picking on me, followed by how much he hates himself and that I deserve better and he sees everybody wanting me and he doesn't know why I am with him. I try to assure him that I love him, that I am here for him and that his depression is making him feel this way, it can be cured and that I believe in him and his recovery... He then left in a rage going on a 24hrs bender. He texted me at some point that he understands if its over but he needs to know that I am ok..he later arrived at my place at 5am in the morning drunk, on drugs and telling me how sorry he is and that he doesn't want to loose me. He told me he went to a bar drinking, chatting to people etc..and then I my alarm bells went off...what if he needs to get female attention to make himself feel better?.. what if he gets so drunk etc that he does stupid stuff like cheating or THE worst, trying to take his life like he said so many times before... I don't know what I expect from this post, I just feel scared for his life and selfish enough to just fear loosing him! Thank you for listening and thank you for people like you all xx

KOM I’m a carer for someone with dementia and I am not coping
  • replies: 9

Hi All, I’m a carer for my 94yr old mother who has dementia. Her mood range from happy to angry and depressed on most days so I never know what I will be dealing with. Most days I can cope. I work full time and have organised for carers and social su... View more

Hi All, I’m a carer for my 94yr old mother who has dementia. Her mood range from happy to angry and depressed on most days so I never know what I will be dealing with. Most days I can cope. I work full time and have organised for carers and social support to pop in and see mum for ½ hour a day just to help break up the routine and give me a break from being mum sole focus. The rest of my family lives a long way away and will come to help out, but like all of us they have to arrange it around when they can get leave off work and other life dramas. My problem is I has been sinking into depression again, I can recognise the signs as it feels a lot different to just tiredness. It is a black hole sucking me in, if I didn’t have to cook meals and do chores I could easily stay in bed 24/7 and still be massively tired. I’m congratulating myself on just getting dressed and my hair brushes for the day. I’ve upped my antidepressants for the last few days as I can’t get into see a Dr for a couple of weeks. I’m really scared of sinking further but am not a suicide risk – too may depend on me to be functional. I’m in a country area so they are no drop in mental health services or support. Not thinking clearly, but am wondering if anyone can share a checklist or resources on how to navigate out of this. I try to make sure we are eating healthy, use aromatherapy and music to try to life the mood. Can’t exercise as my body feels like a dead weight at the moment. Mum will refuse any respite care.

Gay_relationship_partner_ Deinf with a depressed (same sex) partner
  • replies: 1

My partner has depression, which he blames me for causing. I'd leave but we have young children, so that will just compound the problem. We're seeing a joint psychologist, which is slowly working, but taking much longer than we both were expecting. View more

My partner has depression, which he blames me for causing. I'd leave but we have young children, so that will just compound the problem. We're seeing a joint psychologist, which is slowly working, but taking much longer than we both were expecting.

AnnaGrace Where did my husband go?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, My husband has been suffering from depression, which has escalated over the past year. Part of me feels like I shouldn't be posting here, after reading the posts of the terrible situations some of you are in, as my own experience is some... View more

Hi everyone, My husband has been suffering from depression, which has escalated over the past year. Part of me feels like I shouldn't be posting here, after reading the posts of the terrible situations some of you are in, as my own experience is somewhat better, but I still feel so frustrated and helpless. He is aware of his condition, and has been seeing a psychologist for 6 months, but has last week stopped seeing her as he feels like he doesn't get anything out of it. I did feel like she was making a difference to him after the sessions, but overall I agree I didn't see a huge change. He's a very intelligent, ethical, intense person, who feels like he hasn't achieved anything in life (despite having a well-paying job) and now can't find any joy whatsoever. He can't see anything to live for (but hasn't attempted suicide or disappeared or anything) and feels like having children is one of his biggest regrets (we have a 2 year old and 3 month old who has been very ill). He has said to me that I would be better off without him and he's truly sorry I got him as a husband. He is trapped in this cycle of self-hatred and guilt and stresses he doesn't want to be here anymore, and wishes he didn't have people to depend on him so he could do what he wanted. I've tried so many times to assuage the guilt and tell him how valuable he is to me and those around him but it makes no difference. He has a very stressful job which he is not excelling at, has injuries, no motivation to exercise and therefore hates how he looks (he used to be extremely fit), and has tried to stop drinking alcohol but now drinks every night. He has never been physically abusive but has a lot of problems with anger. He hasn't been on medication before but I asked if it's something he could consider. Should I try and get him to go to a psychiatrist? I just don't know what to do next. I feel like my own happiness is being compromised as I'm constantly surrounded by negativity, which sounds selfish I know, but it just takes its toll after a while. My mother has had clinical depression and I feel like I can't escape it. I don't want it to cause me to stop loving him but I'm afraid it will. Thanks