Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

obie92 Understanding mental health
  • replies: 6

i am trying to understand the impact mental health has on persons/people in society in all its forms anxiety, depression and suicide. as i struggle to understand my brother and his mental health issues, as i am blunt and a less-emotional person i loo... View more

i am trying to understand the impact mental health has on persons/people in society in all its forms anxiety, depression and suicide. as i struggle to understand my brother and his mental health issues, as i am blunt and a less-emotional person i look to this group to help educate me so i can understand not only why this is an issue for society but also how these issues affect my brother and how i can use this information to not only better understand him, but myself as well.

Gaylemb Ice addiction
  • replies: 6

My daughter is addicted to ice and marijuana, she is a single mum with 3 kids, she has lost s much weight I hardly recognise her. She is paranoid, says her phone is bugged, now her house and car too. I don't know where to turn or what to do. She's be... View more

My daughter is addicted to ice and marijuana, she is a single mum with 3 kids, she has lost s much weight I hardly recognise her. She is paranoid, says her phone is bugged, now her house and car too. I don't know where to turn or what to do. She's been to doctors, they just prescribed medication, I'm so scared for her and the kids

Qball101 How do know if she needs support for depression or if I should just move on?
  • replies: 5

I've been in a relationship with someone for 3 years. When we met she was unhappily married to someone who is emotionally abusive. She is now in the final stages of her separation and he will move out soon. She has two young children. I know she's st... View more

I've been in a relationship with someone for 3 years. When we met she was unhappily married to someone who is emotionally abusive. She is now in the final stages of her separation and he will move out soon. She has two young children. I know she's struggled with her mental health and confided in me that she had an episode of bulimia. Throughout her separation she said that I have been the one thing that's kept her sane. Above all else, I've just wanted to help her be the happy person all the time she is with me. She's been struggling with her feelings because of her children and recently I've felt her start to push me away. Initially, I thought little of it, she was going through a tough time with much on her mind. Then I started to feel her distance more when together, like she didn't want to be cuddled. We talked and she said she needed space, she broke down and wept and I said I would always be her friend and support her whatever. Last week she was sending messages saying I was her best friend, how she loved me, couldn't imagine a life without me, was everything she wanted in a partner, but just needed to feel right about it all etc. This really messed with my head and my mental health has been deteriorating anyway (I'm suffering from insomnia, can't eat and am seeing a counselor). Out of fear of losing her I gave her an ultimatum. She phoned me and was hysterical, she started talking about suicidal thoughts. I immediately realised what I'd done and felt so bad about it, but sometimes sorry just doesn't convey what the other person needs. We've not talked much since. She has sent me a couple of messages hoping I'm okay and saying she needs space from any extra stress. I've tried to be supportive by stepping back. Last night she sent me a message hoping I was okay but saying it wasn't just me, she now didn't know who she was anymore. I replied saying that she could take as much time and space as she needed and I would be here for her as a friend when she needed me. Today there's been nothing. I am worried but know she is speaking to a counselor. I want to support her but it's so hard, we were so close. I feel I should reach out to her in a few days if I've heard nothing to say I care and am thinking of her but is this invading her space? If it's depression, then I want to help and will swim upstream through rivers of treacle for her. If she just doesn't love me anymore I need to try and move on for my own sanity. How do I work out which it is?

MummaB Mum and Dad desperately need help with 29 year old son suffering deep depression and severe anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi Where do I start? My husband and I are at our wits end on how to help/ cope with our 29 year old son who is severely depressed and anxious. He also shows signs of OCD. He does not sleep and often says he’s not slept at all. As you can imagine bein... View more

Hi Where do I start? My husband and I are at our wits end on how to help/ cope with our 29 year old son who is severely depressed and anxious. He also shows signs of OCD. He does not sleep and often says he’s not slept at all. As you can imagine being so sleep deprived often results in him having a very short fuse!! He also sweats quite profusely. He has not worked for the past 7 months or so. He left school in mid Yr 10 because was being bullied and did do a welding course and the tried Plumbing but didn’t see it through. He has worked sporadically as a labourer ( my husband is a bricklayer) and so has found him work. And he has also worked in a few jobs found by signing on with agencies but never last more than a few months. However he has not been happy for past 10 years and at this present moment is at an all time low. He simply refuses to seek any kind of professional help. He is very bright and poo poos any requests or suggestions of seeing a GP, counseling etc He’s read many books on self help positive cognitive therapy etc. About 18 months ago he decided he was going to go to TAFE and do a course that was equivalent to doing Yr 12 and would enable him to go to uni or equivalent, He did often struggle to get up and go some days and found the studying very difficult , almost giving up but did complete and we were immensely proud. He did talk to counselors at TAFE and his teachers knew of his struggles. We have also threatened tough love and to kick him out if he does not do anything, however we’ve not had the guts to follow through in case he does what he threatens and kills himself? This was 7 months ago and he has talked about getting a job and has been offers a mechanic apprenticeship but not sure now. Anything he starts he commits to 120% and is excessive in his approach. He constantly says he doesn’t want to be here and that death is the only solution but he won’t do that because of the affect it would have in us. This very morning I’ve endured one of his rants about “What’s the point? That he’s never happy I asked him if he knew what I was supposed to do as a parent hearing him say he’d like to end his life? That I should call 000 and he was Angry and disdainful. Both my husband and I have visited GP’s and councillors I have access to free counseling and have talked to psychologists many times Apologies that this is so disjointed. How do you help an adult who refuses help?? We have no idea how to get out of this mess? Exhausted Mum

Nicki29 Loving mother who wants to help my daughter
  • replies: 4

Hi all I will try and keep this as short as I can. I am a loving mother to a 29 year old daughter who has had depression since she was a teenager. Her father and I have both tried and tried over the years to help her but she has continually pushed us... View more

Hi all I will try and keep this as short as I can. I am a loving mother to a 29 year old daughter who has had depression since she was a teenager. Her father and I have both tried and tried over the years to help her but she has continually pushed us away and says that she is fine. She is now a mother to 2 boys. These little boys are so beautiful and so placid and now they are being subject to a mother who is a drug addict. It is ripping my heart out and I'm living in fear everyday that something is going to happen to my beautiful grandsons because of her addiction. Her partner and father to her children, finally confided in me last night and told me the truth about what she is doing most nights. She leaves the boys with him and drives to her local drug dealers house where she spends up to 2 hours at this house most nights. She uses drugs there and drives home late at night. Her partner is at his wits end as he told me that she is now snapping at the children when she cannot get her fix. She does care and love the children but I've noticed over the past few months that they are a little unkept (not having haircuts, dirty fingernails, messy house etc). I beat myself up every day and ask myself where I went so wrong for her to turn out this way in life but she only ever had a good childhood with family that love her. She was bullied a little at high school so I'm not sure if this all stems from that? She hung around the losers/dropouts at school too. She has never let anyone in emotionally so I just hoped she'd be ok as time went by but her life has just gone downhill basically ever since with not keeping jobs etc. Now that I truly know she has a drug addiction and my grandchildren are subject to this with their lives put at risk each time shes drives with them in the car, I need to step in and try to admit her to a rehab residential program as I cant deal with this worrying myself sick each day. Its making me ill and I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't step in now and do something before its too late. Please help me with suggestions on which way I should approach this as she is extremely strong willed and has never let her family help her in any way. I know that when I do approach her to go to rehab that she will refuse outright so I just don't know where to turn or who to turn to for help. I cant lose my daughter and my grandsons, they are my world. Thank you for listening, Nicky x

future_ flight, running, i need councillors to talk to the mum about 17 year old with signs of depression, so one has to help me
  • replies: 17

I am a mum of a 17year old daughter and i am watching the classic signs of depression, she runs and hides when ever she has to talk about where she is at in life. I have tried a couple of councillors with her but she tells little cover up lies to the... View more

I am a mum of a 17year old daughter and i am watching the classic signs of depression, she runs and hides when ever she has to talk about where she is at in life. I have tried a couple of councillors with her but she tells little cover up lies to them so they are not getting to treat the REAL deep down depression and I think the privacy laws should be changed so the parents who are housing and look after these people, the councillors should be checking in with them because we can point out the white lies they are telling them and really get to the bottom of actually helping these young adults before their whole life is ruined. Instead we get frustrated at home because nothing is getting better because the counciler is not getting the correct true story. Please help me

Jess1516 How do I help my boyfriend with bad depression
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and a half but recently ended out relationship, but still are very close friends and still see each other very often. Over the past few months I have noticed that his depression has gotten worse and we ... View more

My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and a half but recently ended out relationship, but still are very close friends and still see each other very often. Over the past few months I have noticed that his depression has gotten worse and we had a talk last night where he said he doesn't feel like he is a good enough boyfriend to be with me and that he needs to love himself before he can continue to love me and be with me. throughout our relationship i've always tried to help him and make him happy and boost his self esteem as much as I could, but I feel like I am just not helping and I don't know what else to do. I am thinking about booking him in to see a therapist but other than that im unsure. His depressions results in him being tired all the time and not wanting to go out with me and do different things he would rather always just stay in and stay in bed. It also makes him feel unworthy of love, lowers his self-worth dramatically and his image of himself, it makes him angry and defensive and very quick to snap and get irritable and it often makes him seem disinterested in things that i say or do, like his mind is always far away. I understand how it feels to be depressed as I have experienced that before and I have tried to much to help him and just boost him up and put up with his anger and not fight back but just rather keep calm and tell him to just talk to me etc. and to put up with his mood swings as best as I can. I understand that there are good days and bad days but lately it has been more bad and it just hurts me so much to see him upset and depressed and down about himself, because I truly do think he is amazing. Any advice on what I should do or any different approaches that can help with this situation?!?!?!

Perisha How do I help someone who
  • replies: 1

I need advice on how to help my dad with depression. We havnt been close in a few years and he used to be emotionally abusive to me and my mum (they’re now divorced, she lived a few hours away, I still live with dad as he lives close to uni/work). I ... View more

I need advice on how to help my dad with depression. We havnt been close in a few years and he used to be emotionally abusive to me and my mum (they’re now divorced, she lived a few hours away, I still live with dad as he lives close to uni/work). I havnt felt comfortable to sit down and talk to him about this kind of stuff or anything in our lives. Also I majorly struggle with straightforward talking to him, I just cry and am never able to convey what I need to say. But I know and recognise that he is depressed and I’m am legitimately scared for him so I want to help him. He hardly sees his kids, can’t exercise due to a bad knee, can’t afford a better car, and has started sleeping in the spare room instead of sharing with his gf. He’s spending more and more time alone and I need suggestions on how to get him help or how to talk to him , and what exactly to say. I want to move out and pursue my own dreams but I’m scared to just leave him in the state he’s in right now. Please help

Peanut_15 how to help my wife with health anxiety after trauma and loss
  • replies: 1

I am normally a very private person but i don't know what to do or how to help. The backstory - Just over a year ago my beautiful wife and I were expecting our second child, i was outside building a playground with a friend when he received a call fr... View more

I am normally a very private person but i don't know what to do or how to help. The backstory - Just over a year ago my beautiful wife and I were expecting our second child, i was outside building a playground with a friend when he received a call from my wife just upstairs in the house, he turned to me and said she doesn't sound good. Running into the house i found her laying on the ground in my daughters room face down repeating over and over again "somethings not right", i called the ambulance and they talked me through how to help and what to do as she got progressively worst and worst. By the time the paramedics arrived she was not longer able speak in real words, when they took over they could not find a pulse but she was still moving and gagging, when the second and third group of paramedics arrived they carried her out onto a gurney. At that point all she could muster is a hand squeeze as i said "I love you", they loaded her into the ambulance and put the lights on, i got loaded into the second ambulance, just as we were about to go her ambulance turned their lights off. She had gone into cardiac arrest, the driver of my ambulance went to help and i went completely catatonic. My driver approached me and explained what had happened and she had been revived but they were still working on her, so her lights went back on and they headed to hospital, we followed. Once at the hospital they did her C-section in 30 seconds, our son at 32 weeks was born but not breathing, i don't know how long it took before the news was coming through but she crashed and was revived two more times. They managed to revive my son but he was unresponsive, it was explained that he had to be sent to a different hospital with a NICU but he would most likely not make the trip. My son made the trip and my wife was still critical but out of surgery, She had a splenic aneurysm and her spleen had to be removed, she needed 14 units of blood. Over the coming hours i was told she would be suffering a degree of brain damage, they woke her (induced coma) the next morning and although unable to speak, she was able to write questions on paper, mentally she was OK. The next 15 days were hell as my son remained unresponsive and my wife learn to walk again, my son was brought to my wife so they could meet, my son was never going to recover and we had to take him off of the ventilator 6 days later. Health anxiety is understandable but how do i help?

Need_advice_19 Feeling lost and maybe stupid
  • replies: 1

Hi. Last year in April my ex fiancé who we have 4 kids all under 5yrs old run off with a younger guy she met on a dating site, took the kids and run to her mums house to meet new guy, about 2 months later she called me to sign over the kids to me ful... View more

Hi. Last year in April my ex fiancé who we have 4 kids all under 5yrs old run off with a younger guy she met on a dating site, took the kids and run to her mums house to meet new guy, about 2 months later she called me to sign over the kids to me full time as she wanted to start new life with him. I literally quit my job over nite to care for them, the reason she took of is because she was sexually assaulted at 12 and the guy contacted her later in life 15yrs later so she had a brain snap and did what she did. Got on the heavy drugs, started working in a strip club, and about a year passed when she worked out the guy she got with was a abusive man. In the end she was diagnosed with type 1 bipolar, ptsd, and schizophrenia. She kept in contact about 4 months before she left him saying she wants her family back and wish she never met him, the lies, sending her money, driving 3500km to spend kids birthday with her to find out she is in a motel down the street on drugs and kept against her will, she escaped him now and stays with her mum but wants custody back but says she loves me and wants to try again just to get to kids. The question is am I stupid and she is just selfish or is it all the illness?