Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

_BETI Lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi there.I've recently had a teen diagnosed with depression. I had stated chatting to a wonderful counsellor but she is on leave into next year. At the moment I'm really struggling with my partner's family who hardly check in to see how our child is ... View more

Hi there.I've recently had a teen diagnosed with depression. I had stated chatting to a wonderful counsellor but she is on leave into next year. At the moment I'm really struggling with my partner's family who hardly check in to see how our child is doing. It has left me feeling quite alone. My own family live overseas and my mum has been a great help. To be honest I'm dreading Christmas as I feel I may say something I regret over the turkey! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Trans22 Suggestions for a Mental Health First Aider
  • replies: 2

I am looking for suggestions on how to deal with a situation where you get a message like "I can't take it anymore. Thanks for your help. Goodbye." I am not blaming myself in any way, because they didn't give me time to provide real help (I am a cert... View more

I am looking for suggestions on how to deal with a situation where you get a message like "I can't take it anymore. Thanks for your help. Goodbye." I am not blaming myself in any way, because they didn't give me time to provide real help (I am a certified Mental Health First Aider).

Concerned_Mum How do I help depressed 17 year-old daughter?
  • replies: 3

Hello,My 17-year-old daughter has just finished year 12. Right now she should be off celebrating but she doesn't want to leave her room. She and 4 of her friends (2 of whom she is particularly close to & are very supportive) booked accommodation for ... View more

Hello,My 17-year-old daughter has just finished year 12. Right now she should be off celebrating but she doesn't want to leave her room. She and 4 of her friends (2 of whom she is particularly close to & are very supportive) booked accommodation for four nights away at the coast. They were just going to have a low key, fun time (with no alcohol) but my daughter now doesn't want to participate. She says she has social anxiety (including not wanting to eat in front of people - which her friends are aware of), generalised anxiety and depression. Going through 260 days of lockdown in Victoria in 2021/ 2020 really had a bad affect on her mental state. She refuses to see a psychologist or a GP.In the past, I've given her library books on how to cope with anxiety and depression (which went unread) and web articles on self-help, as well as messaging her with links to mindfulness apps. I empathise with everything she is going through as I had almost the same struggles as her as a teenager (although didn't have the fear of eating in front of other people). I used to push myself out of my comfort zone though (which she is often not prepared to do). I tell her all the time that I love her (and write cards to that effect, as well) and pick roses for her which I place in a vase on her desk. Quite often my daughter doesn't let me hug her. Sometimes she won't even make eye contact. This time last year she was self harming (making cuts on her thigh) and I'm worried she's going to start that up again. My daughter's depression and anxiety seems to be triggering my own latent depression and anxiety. I'm crying while I type this.I know there's no magic wand one can wave (I wish there was) but does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to help her?Thanks.

Farangi Attempt One
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I don't know where to start but I am here seeking support. Two days ago, after an argument with my partner, I came home to find he had attempted to take his own life. I have never experienced anything like this, thankfully I got to him i... View more

Hi everyone, I don't know where to start but I am here seeking support. Two days ago, after an argument with my partner, I came home to find he had attempted to take his own life. I have never experienced anything like this, thankfully I got to him in time to bring him back. I keep having flashes of that night and I really don't know where to go from here. We have reached out to close friends and family who have been amazing support for us both and our children and whom directed us to this support group to find tools to deal with what has happened. I am reaching out because although we are lucky to have a support network, they also don't have any experience with something like this. I guess I just need advice from someone supporting their loved one through these hard times. I have so many emotions running through me still. Shock, sadness, anger, guilt, lonely and just disbelief that this has happened. Thank you for reading x

AEEA Supporting a suicidal wife
  • replies: 15

My wife didn’t come home one night recently and I was certain she had killed herself. Fortunately she was found after spending a day in the bush and has recovered physically. She says it was an accident but I think I’d be stupid to believe that. I’ve... View more

My wife didn’t come home one night recently and I was certain she had killed herself. Fortunately she was found after spending a day in the bush and has recovered physically. She says it was an accident but I think I’d be stupid to believe that. I’ve known she’s been suicidal for about 2 years now and I’m not sure exactly how long she has been that way. She has been in hospital multiple times, been though many medication changes, other treatments and regularly sees a psych and her doctor. PTSD and depression are some of her labels. I’m committed to helping her as much as I can. I do most of the housework, parenting our 3 girls and have a full time job. My girls love their mum and I do to. I asked my wife if she still wants to be with me and she says she does. As much as I want to know about her suicidal thoughts I also don’t want to know. It’s horrible to think that she will succeed one day but it’s a reality. I feel like my family and I are in a holding pattern just hoping one day she will come good. Sometimes I wonder if that is good enough a life for me and my girls. I guess I’m posting for the first time because I would appreciate your thoughts on how to survive this.

Rastas22 Worried about my husbands mood swings
  • replies: 2

Been with my husband for over 30 years and over the past few years, and more so months noticed a change in his behaviour and mood swings. I have flagged this with him and have asked him to go see someone eg doctor get some help. Our daughter and some... View more

Been with my husband for over 30 years and over the past few years, and more so months noticed a change in his behaviour and mood swings. I have flagged this with him and have asked him to go see someone eg doctor get some help. Our daughter and some friends have noticed a change in his behaviour and I am struggling to get him to seek help. He doesn’t want to socialise and I have noticed he is sleeping a lot more than usual We are best friends and I am so lost on how to help himany advice?

No one on earth Anyone have any advice on telling someone they most likely have BDP and encouraging them to get treatment
  • replies: 16

Hello, I was wondering if anyone has had any experiences of revealing to someone that they have had BPD and how it went. Any advice about wanting to tell someone that they really could benefit by getting some treatment for BPD such as DBT would be mo... View more

Hello, I was wondering if anyone has had any experiences of revealing to someone that they have had BPD and how it went. Any advice about wanting to tell someone that they really could benefit by getting some treatment for BPD such as DBT would be most welcome. This person actually made me aware of the personality disorder and they stated to me that they could have it. They are trying to give advice to a friend of theirs who has a daughter who has BPD (I cant remember if they were diagnosed officially sorry) They have some Narcissistic personality disorder traits which apparently is common. So I think there might be a good start maybe. Not counting on anything though as they go up and down.

bigjerry99 Problem with a girl
  • replies: 1

So I’ve been seeing a girl, and she has a lot of trauma, and I mean a lot.Childhood abuseChildhood sexual abuseDomestic violence by multiple menOngoing domestic violence from previous relationshipRapeAnd a really messed up family, where it’s constant... View more

So I’ve been seeing a girl, and she has a lot of trauma, and I mean a lot.Childhood abuseChildhood sexual abuseDomestic violence by multiple menOngoing domestic violence from previous relationshipRapeAnd a really messed up family, where it’s constant issues with her family.And also self harm involved. I visit, she’s drinking heavily all the time, which ends with her falling over and saying many things about hating living, and the conversations end on talking about trauma, ongoing issues and quite a lot of that. I really like her, for all the beauty I see in her, our common interests, humour and everything. It’s at the point it mentally is taking a toll on me. I feel scared to go home incase something happens. I feel guilty that there’s not much I can do. I stay supportive, I don’t try to just tell her what to do as I know as somebody who suffers mental health myself that sometimes you just want somebody to listen, but it’s really filling me up with just worry, anxiety etc. obviously I don’t want to say that or it would sound mean and I don’t want to hurt her. Multiple times she’s been abused and she’s just not been helped by police or anything. I honestly don’t know what to do, any advice would be great.

blue-bell Unsure about what to do...
  • replies: 1

My partner of 4 years has been struggling with depression and anxiety his whole life. He has been coping using alcohol which has caused so many issues. About a month ago, be stopped drinking for good. Since stopping, he has become a very diffeent per... View more

My partner of 4 years has been struggling with depression and anxiety his whole life. He has been coping using alcohol which has caused so many issues. About a month ago, be stopped drinking for good. Since stopping, he has become a very diffeent person. He is angry, cold and has told me he doesn't care about anyone, or anything. He has told me he doesn't care about me and has said some extremely hurtful things. He says he regrets proposing to me and buying a house together. Recently, he did some online assessments through Blackdog institute and it says he potentially has bipolar. I have always thought this could be the case and he has been treated incorrectly which can have terrible consequences. He says he is open to seeing someone to get help, but that it won't change things with us. He hasn't broken up with me, but has completely shut me out and keeps saying horrible things to me. He says he just doesn't care. I don't believe that he feels this way. I think its his mental health talking. I am stuck though... I don't know if I should stay and continue to endure this while he figures this all out, or if I should walk away from our lives together. He has said that he doesn't care or feel anything right now, but worries in a few months time he would realise he has made the biggest mistake of his life letting me go. Has anyone experienced this and can offer some advice? I'm so heartbroken and lost.

Squishy13 Picking up on cues that signal my partner is struggling
  • replies: 2

My partner & I have been together over five years. At the beginning of this year our once-solid relationship was on the rocks - he was diagnosed with severe depression & apparently he'd been hiding it for the past couple of years. I knew he was unhap... View more

My partner & I have been together over five years. At the beginning of this year our once-solid relationship was on the rocks - he was diagnosed with severe depression & apparently he'd been hiding it for the past couple of years. I knew he was unhappy with life at times but didn't realise how much pain he was actually in.Long story short, we went through some very rough patches this year & I wasn't sure if we were going to survive them, but we seem to have turned a corner now, so yay us. I'm glad I persevered in keeping us together. I know it's going to be a forever thing.Now that our relationship is back to a stronger place & I don't have to battle to keep us together, I am able to see certain things in his behaviour that tell me when he is hurting, or in a particularly dark place. Sometimes I catch him staring off into the distance, & I can see the pain inside. His eyes are wide open, & someone may think he's deep in thought, but I know that he is stuck in a dark moment. All I do is stroke his hair, or hug him, or give him a little kiss on the cheek or head....I don't say anything unless it's "I love you" & I try to just share some of my love & warmth with him, hoping it gets through.Other times he'll come home & go straight to the spare room where his guitars are & he'll start playing. I don't interrupt, I just let him go & keep doing whatever it was that I was doing. One day I wanted to go for a drive, so I grabbed my keys & declared that we were taking my car, & we took off. Not long into the drive I could sense his feelings - he didn't have to do or say anything. He just seemed....empty. And I thought to myself, "damn, I should've let him drive so he would be busy." So now I keep that in mind.I have my moments where I get frustrated or annoyed (internally). He listens to some songs that surely only make his low mood lower....But before running my mouth I think to myself, maybe he finds comfort in listening to songs that he can relate to, & if that's the case, comfort is a really important thing for him to have. So is the feeling of not being alone - and being understood.This illness is the devil & I hate it, but it has taught me to think differently & to be more empathetic. Happy to hear about your experiences too.