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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Nuttytech Help with bod panther pushing my away [Trigger warning: domestic violence]
  • replies: 3

Hi I like to say this before we start I have a lot of anger issues In the process off working it out with my doctors and a health care plan. Hi my author have has bpd And we have been together for 7 mouth.In the first 2-4 weeks we where great when sh... View more

Hi I like to say this before we start I have a lot of anger issues In the process off working it out with my doctors and a health care plan. Hi my author have has bpd And we have been together for 7 mouth.In the first 2-4 weeks we where great when she was upset I would talk to her. When she went self harming I would sit there for hours with her say it ok there nothing to fear. And we where great but there was a night about 6 mouth ago where we got in a real fight the type off fight that you see in boxing ring. And that fight I pushed here to get help but not addressed my own issues.So we would keep fighting and keep fighting. Tell about 4 mouth ago where I had a metal brake down. And lost my child the house we loved in We where homeless for about 3 weeks. so we rented a room from the guy. Who was a drug dealer We had a big fight about 3 mouth and I left for 4 days after saying same very mean things to her. The roommate give her same drugs to get out off that bad mind set. About 2 mouth ago we had a very big fight over her using drugs after party with the roommate and got into a Fight. I left and stop talking to her for 1 week.Then we start to talk and she told me she was going out party with the roommate. The next day I got a message at 4am saying need help. She had went on a bender and I rushed her off to the hospital. Where she was in there for 4 days detox her.I had to got her out off that house that she was in so. I decided we where going to be staying with my brother. Then she had started to go back to her self we where getting help for her and I with support workers. But at the time I was to much off a man to get any help so I refused. Fast forward 6 weeks we had another fight over her drinking I over reacted over a time spand of 3 days we had the police at the house 4 time for fighting. We Where told to away stay for 72 hurs by the police or one off eles we will go to jail then we I realised I need help. And I took 4 days to get the help I need with support workers and drs. But how do I show her I getting help and I not the person I was. Sine the last fight she has not been her self very around me.I would try to hold hand with her and she take her hand away. There no more I love you or if there is dose sound like it true

guest_8796 How to help another person but not get depressed myself
  • replies: 3

I am dealing with my own issues but also trying tobbe supportive if someone else but feel overwhelmed and cannot assist much but listen. Now when i had bad day myself they felt their issues were too much for me and seemed angry. As i will not break t... View more

I am dealing with my own issues but also trying tobbe supportive if someone else but feel overwhelmed and cannot assist much but listen. Now when i had bad day myself they felt their issues were too much for me and seemed angry. As i will not break their confidentiality i need to not deel guilty or angry at this person. I am journaling my thoughts as too worried to say to this person how i feel as they are extremely sensitive so its a delicate situation. Iam trying to complete my resume for a position that closes on friday but not motivated any suggestions to get back on track?

Toasted Getting frusrated and upset with my mum who has ptsd & depression. Trouble accepting that she isnt getting better.
  • replies: 5

Hello, This may be a long one, my mother has suffered from ptsd and depression for about 7 years now and everytime she visits or vise versa i have this expectation that "she is going to be better this time" she never is, and i feel as if this unreali... View more

Hello, This may be a long one, my mother has suffered from ptsd and depression for about 7 years now and everytime she visits or vise versa i have this expectation that "she is going to be better this time" she never is, and i feel as if this unrealistic expectation just makes it harder to cope with the way she is.. I just get super frustrated with her and the way she behaves and interacts with me puts me in a bad head space. I really love my mum and love spending time with her but i feel like its getting harder for me to cope with. I've identified the 3 behaviours that mostly effected me last time she visited and im almost certain that these 3 behaviours have always been hard for me to deal with. Please let me know what you think about why she behaves these ways, ive put what i think, but really i'm just assuming and i dont know, (which is kind of funny when you read the 3rd behaviour.) 1. She says shes a really empathic person that picks up on others feelings, but she constantly makes decisions and acts in ways, that completely disregards others feelings. I beleive that she is actually incapable of empathy as she herself just feels numb due to the depression or the antidepressants hence why she diregards others feelings as she doesnt really understand them. 2. she constantly tries to prove herself as being smarter and more capable than others i beleive this is due to her personal insecurities, i'm pretty sure her ptsd has alot to do with insecurity. This i really struggle to cope with as i guess im a little insecure myself. she doesnt give my thoughts or opinions any weight and alot of the time doesnt actually listen to what i have to say, it can be very belittling and upsetting. 3. She makes wide assumptions based on little fact it's to the point where she assumes what im going to say befor ive even finished talking, this is really frustrating and makes it hard for me to want to talk to her. I think this has a bit to do with the above as its very similar behaviour, but i read somewhere that making assumptions on things is a way people cope with understanding there surroundings and situations. which i totally agree with as thats basically what im doing here lol. Maybe i'm just being overly judgemental, i mean nobodies perfect right? Any advice or tips with coping with the above behaviours or advice on how to accept that she is probably going to suffer from this for the rest of her life would be greatly appreciated. thankyou in advance for your help.

Anna_M_ My girlfriend's anxiety and depression has been a lot to deal with
  • replies: 4

I'm 23. Been with my 31yo gf (hereto 'GF') over a year. She has diagnosed anxiety and depression. It's been a lot to deal with. Her last gf - and source of her ptsd-like anxiety - convinced her not to take her meds and GF already has an aversion to d... View more

I'm 23. Been with my 31yo gf (hereto 'GF') over a year. She has diagnosed anxiety and depression. It's been a lot to deal with. Her last gf - and source of her ptsd-like anxiety - convinced her not to take her meds and GF already has an aversion to doctors. But her dissociative episodes are frequent. Her panic attacks aren't hyperventilating. They are headaches, and fainting, limp in my arms, stop breathing, gasp awake, claw at herself, and frequent visits to the bathroom. That was terrifying the first time and has not improved since. I had to google the symptoms just to figure out what was happening and whether I needed to call an ambulence at 2am. I finally convinced her to see a GP after a year (for general health as well as mental). She didn't tell the Dr much except that she was previpusly diagnosed and medicated and she didn't like talking about her feelings, at which point the Dr gave her a reading list instead. And that's been it. I'm here tonight because I need support. It's been one of those night's where I've had to put myself first. Remind myself that I don't have to go out of my way and even do something dentrimental to myself to make her feel better. That I'm not to blame if she choses to break a clean streak and have a smoke, or punch a wall - that I'm not responsible for her actions. That I can remove myself from the conversation when explaining that I don't like how I'm being treated will be met with: 'Thanks a lot for making me feel like a terrible human being! I'm sorry I make you feel so awful! Why do you bother staying around!' And its because I love her. Because the happiness seems worth the anguish. Because I've told her I'd never leave. And she said it would kill her if I did. And I don't doubt it. And it all just hurts. So please someone help me. Just say hi. Say that you're there. Say I've been heard.

Belsco Teen daughter with severe anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi all, i'm new and am really just looking for a safe place to spill and some ideas/hints anything that can help my daughter really..... My daughter is 14 and has recently (4months or so) been diagnosed with social anxiety and mild ocd. she has alway... View more

Hi all, i'm new and am really just looking for a safe place to spill and some ideas/hints anything that can help my daughter really..... My daughter is 14 and has recently (4months or so) been diagnosed with social anxiety and mild ocd. she has always been a little anxious but this year things have gotten much worse for her and a few months ago she had a complete break down at school. her hands and feet clawed and her face went all numb and tingly. I feel so bad as her mum that i didnt know things were so bad for her. we have a close relationship and talk alot, i knew things were worrying her but i thought she was doing better than she obviously was. She now has a psychologist and is currently on medicationwhich is being increased each fortnight at the moment til we hit a certain dosage. She does her breathing regularly and really does for the most part appear to be improving, we are working hard as a family to support her. Today while i was at work she went shopping with her dad and her brother and she said she could feel herself tensing up and was trying to keep herself calm when her hands and feet started to clam her face went tingly then her mouth kind of locked? She said it was like she couldnt move her lips. My husband said it was kind of like she was frozen or had a stroke.... she breathed and cried and then calmed down and it settled after about 10 minutes but its really concerning me. I'm wondering if this kind of symptom is common?? should i be taking her back to the dr? the hard thing is if i act like i'm worried she gets really worried that theres something else wrong with her like she's going to die or have a stroke or heart attack. thanks so much for listening (or reading ) a worried mumma of a precious girl

Reef01 My BPD lover is freezing me out
  • replies: 4

I’m in a relatively new relationship with a woman who has BPD (PTSD also), and since her recent PTSD freeze response during sex, she has effectively frozen me out of her life. She insists that she is still there for me, and just needs time to re-cent... View more

I’m in a relatively new relationship with a woman who has BPD (PTSD also), and since her recent PTSD freeze response during sex, she has effectively frozen me out of her life. She insists that she is still there for me, and just needs time to re-centre herself, but it is becoming clear to me that she is putting up a wall between us. Where once (very recently) she was warm and caring, she now acts quite coldly, almost as though she’s on a slight ego trip and enjoying watching me squirm to try and keep her in my grasp. I’m finding myself slipping and losing my mojo as the power base in the relationship becomes unbalanced. I’m trying to not act emotionally and present myself as strong and relyable for her, but i’m choking at this and I feel her losing respect for me. I fear i’m spiralling into my own mental health issue just trying to cope with being massively in love with a person with this issue(s). Has anyone got any advice for me? When I think about breaking it off with her, or her dumping me, I go to water as i’m in pretty deep emotionally, and after a really rough 2017, feel like I can’t take another harsh blow. She tries to reassure me that it’s just a wave and I have to ride out the changes, but I feel like it’s settling into a permanent change and i’ll Never get this beautiful amazing lover back.

YK Drowning beside Denial
  • replies: 1

Hi to everyone reading, without giving a long history, I'm struggling to support my partner who has long term mental I'll health. He is in his early 40's. we have been together only a short time, but known each other for a while. My partner has been ... View more

Hi to everyone reading, without giving a long history, I'm struggling to support my partner who has long term mental I'll health. He is in his early 40's. we have been together only a short time, but known each other for a while. My partner has been on and off depression medication for some time. In my opinion his medication does not alter his unhealthy behaviour which includes verbal domestic violence, aggression, anxiety, delusional thoughts and paranoia. over the past 20 years he has been dependant on alcohol and other drugs from marijuana to meth and binge drinking. Which in my opinion further impacts his mood and behavioir negatively. I have sought help with over the phone counselors but nothing has changed the fact I cannot make my partner seek medical attention to assess his mental health. Bi-polar and mental health runs in his family and I strongly believe he has Undiagnosed Bi-Polar. The saddest and most frustrating thing for me is I believe with the correct medication and support his life and mental health could completely turn around. But at my insistence, asking for months now - he has not made any attempt to see a new GP and look at a MH assessment. he belives he can heal himself and I'm worried he may be in complete denial through fear and or shame that he may be needing treatment for Bi-Polar OR another MH disorder. his agression, paranoia, negativity, verbal abuse and current AOD dependency is ruining our relationship and it's ruining the goodness I'm him. Any advice you can please give to me on how to coax him to seek treatment would be so welcoming. thank you.

Lornz Living with a partner with PTSD
  • replies: 12

Please help! My de facto partner of almost 3 years suffers PTSD after 28 years in army, SF, CT duties, 11 deployments and it is a constant "tread on egg shells". He is medicated and sees psychiatrists and psychologists on a regular basis. He says he ... View more

Please help! My de facto partner of almost 3 years suffers PTSD after 28 years in army, SF, CT duties, 11 deployments and it is a constant "tread on egg shells". He is medicated and sees psychiatrists and psychologists on a regular basis. He says he loves me but cannot give me emotional support when I need it. He sees problems in my life as insignificant, he says I don't support him, he won't talk about what he has experienced as he says I will throw it back at him, anything that happens out of what he feels should be happening is always my fault. I feel so lonely in this relationship. Everyone else in the world is dumb, stupid, ignorant, it's always someone else's fault, never his. What about me? There is very little/no support that I can find for partners living with loved ones with PTSD. I woke this morning to a man very different to yesterday - Today I can't seem to say the right thing, I seem to be looking at him the wrong way, when I question him to ask if anything is wrong, it's all my fault that he is like he is. I have had counselling myself to try and gain information and how best cope with this lonely, always to blame feeling, but each counsellor has told me I don't have a problem and it's him, so I give up attending and go back home to the constant lonely, on edge feeling trying to deal with it myself. This in turn is making me so depressed and anxious about our otherwise healthy relationship. I have tried reaching out to social media support groups but a lot of these is about women having a moan about their husbands - I don't want this, I love him to pieces, all I want is direction on best ways to deal with Living with a partner with PTSD. Military professionals seem to get the support they so honourably need, but where is the support mechanisms for us partners left to live with PTSD daily. Please, if anyone can guide me in any way or throw some light onto if his behaviour is normal PTSD behaviour and how best I deal with it, please let me know before I walk out on this man I love.

strawberry-appple DSP claiming process
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I'm a carer for my husband who has GAD, Health anxiety, PTSD & Panic attacks. He see's his doctor on a weekly basis and a clinical psychologist doing CBT. He is also on medication. 6 months ago he got worse and I needed to give up work t... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm a carer for my husband who has GAD, Health anxiety, PTSD & Panic attacks. He see's his doctor on a weekly basis and a clinical psychologist doing CBT. He is also on medication. 6 months ago he got worse and I needed to give up work to care for him, as soon as I would leave the house he would have a panic attack so now I need to go everywhere with him. He use to get treatment from another psychologist (not clinical) for 5 years but didn't help him one bit then one day said sorry can't help you, you need to find another psychologist that can because I can't. Due to my husband's doctor giving him a number of Centrelink medical certificates as he is not in the right mind frame to even think about working Centrelink made an appointment for him to have a review for his benchmark hours. The woman who conducted the interview was nice and could see that he wasn't coping too well and told him he doesn't need to say anything about his conditions as my husband has supplied a letter from his GP confirming the conditions and also a report from his clinical psychologist. She told him however that he may need to consider that he needs to look for 15-22 hours per week but recommended that he consider trying for DSP as she thinks that 15 hours would be too much for him and that she couldn't make it any lower than 15 hours. My question is has anyone been successful gaining DSP with the same sort of conditions as he has? I thank everyone in advance who replies.

Rustler Bipolar partner
  • replies: 7

My bipolar partner has recently moved out of our home after 12 months living together. From reading other threads it seems it is common for them to leave... he also said I would be better off without him. In some ways it is much easier to be in a rel... View more

My bipolar partner has recently moved out of our home after 12 months living together. From reading other threads it seems it is common for them to leave... he also said I would be better off without him. In some ways it is much easier to be in a relationship with him living apart but it's not ideal. It is easier for him to push me away or hide if he's not living with me. He moved out when he was in the process of transitioning to a new psych and new drug regime as he had been in an extended low... It seems the new regime that has been in place for 3 months now is not really working. He has had ECT before and said it was effective but he is reluctant to consider it again as he says it is "embarrassing". Any comments around this situation would be helpful.... Is living apart an effective solution for a couple with a bipolar partner (especially long term)?... is ECT good/bad?... I've learnt not to take his comments/disconnection personally but it does get tricky when it doesn't feel like he's there for me so how do others manage this?... I know I can't fix it but does it get easier with time? I really enjoy our time together - for 2 years he managed it well but the last 8 months have been awful... At what point do you walk away for your own health? Thanks in advance.