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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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BigPoh Partner with Anxiety
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I'm new here, and seeking advice or strategies. My partner of nearly a year, a single mum with 2 young kids. Recently separated she was made to feel anxious from her ex's controlling/narcissistic behaviour. She goes through stages of anxiety,... View more

Hi all, I'm new here, and seeking advice or strategies. My partner of nearly a year, a single mum with 2 young kids. Recently separated she was made to feel anxious from her ex's controlling/narcissistic behaviour. She goes through stages of anxiety, so I've just found out. Until now I thought she was just moody or very distracted but I've just learnt more about anxiety symptoms, and it all makes more sense now! plus she has started with professional help so hopefully will start to manage ok soon. my issue, is from a relationship point of view: she is the love of my life, but we rarely get to see each other. She is always tired, and of course kids do prevent us from being together too, which is ok coz kids are important too! we get to see each other maybe 1-2 per times per week which I feel is not enough, she agrees but between work, family, fatigue and having her time it's difficult. She has OCD tendencies too, for instance we recently had days off work but couldn't be together coz her OCD made her stay home and clean/do housework all the time!! It seems her anxiety gets worse when I do manage to drag her away for fun time together coz she needs to get home to do all her jobs! She is such a fun person when she's happy. how do I encourage her to have our together time and remove her from "all of her jobs" that she needs to do? Shes the busiest person ever but I wonder sometimes if she all those things she has to do are all really that important! Some are or course. How would you manage this situation and try to find more time together to build out relationship further? thank you

Trixiegum I'm struggling with lack of in laws support regarding my spouses mental illness
  • replies: 8

My spouse had been diagnosed with mental health issues some years before we were together. He was hearing voices and had thoughts of suicide, near attempt and admission into hospital. During our relationship he went through periods of highs, lows, se... View more

My spouse had been diagnosed with mental health issues some years before we were together. He was hearing voices and had thoughts of suicide, near attempt and admission into hospital. During our relationship he went through periods of highs, lows, self hate, paranoid phases and often took his inner thoughts out on me and would later apologise. He was a heavy drinker. Fast forward to the last 12 months. My spouse started hearing voices again, of religious nature (nothing against religion but non-religious back ground so this was completely out of character). He turned obsessed literally overnight, telling me about visions/messages he was receiving and talking about eternal life etc. He stopped engaging in his normal interests and became fully obsessed. The positive was that he stopped drinking, but I was deeply concerned. I expressed my concern to him and asked him to see someone, which he refused. I contacted his parents, who were well aware of his past and of his sudden obsession. They rang him he said he was the best he ever was and that was it from them despite them not having seen him for almost 12 months. The coming months after that were hard, my spouse and I separated, he was a different person. He got baptised, went to bible study, started paying a percentage of his wage, he made a whole new circle of friends, barely spoke to any of our friends. I contacted his parents several times throughout a number of months to ask them to come and see him - they refused and basically called me a liar because every time they called him he would say nothing was wrong.I had the support of my family (long distance) and our friends but the support I wanted and expected from his parents (and given his history) was absent. After being separated for almost six months he finally sought help and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. We've moved to a place where we both have family (apart from his parents). He is medicated and is back to himself, in acceptance and our relationship is slowly mending. He is still going through highs and lows, self hate times which I have to talk/support him through. All of my family are aware of his diagnosis, his parents are, but the rest of his family are kept in the dark. I know every family deals with things differently - but I am struggling with having a relationship with his parents after not having any support and not once asking me how he has been going in the last 6 months since his diagnosis, it is just not mentioned at all.

93smum Looking for help to support my 24yo son
  • replies: 10

My 24 yo son, who lives interstate, has anxiety and depression. I believe he has started the process of seeking help, but he has a history of lying to me so I don't really know what to believe. He has experienced anxiety and depression before and has... View more

My 24 yo son, who lives interstate, has anxiety and depression. I believe he has started the process of seeking help, but he has a history of lying to me so I don't really know what to believe. He has experienced anxiety and depression before and has seen a psychologist. His dad and I separated when he was 11 and his dad died unexpectedly 5 years ago - he is an only child and isn't close to any other family, so it's just the two of us. My son recently visited for Christmas and although he spent a lot of time in his room on-line, I did manage to get him out and about a bit, and he said it helped, but he refuses to consider moving here for a few months so I can help him get back on track. He is unemployed and shows no interest in looking for work. I think he was studying last year, but who knows? He self-medicates with screens and food and is very overweight. I am considering moving to the city he lives in to try and support him. Last year, I was sending him money to help him out, but I am seriously considering withdrawing financial support as I don't think it's helping. I'd be really interested in your advice - do you think that moving to be closer to him will help? I struggle to cope with the lying and it really poisons our relationship. He tells me what he thinks I want to hear to protect himself from what he fears will be my disapproval and to "protect" me. I love him to death and don't know what to do.

AnxiousAndy Involuntary Admission
  • replies: 1

My mother had a very traumatising episode a few days back causing a whole dramatic playout in the street at 3am in the morning. Yelling, swearing, screaming and excessive talking were involved, including 4 policeman and an ambulance with two officers... View more

My mother had a very traumatising episode a few days back causing a whole dramatic playout in the street at 3am in the morning. Yelling, swearing, screaming and excessive talking were involved, including 4 policeman and an ambulance with two officers. When I saw mum in emergency she was screaming and mumbling non-stop and asking us to accept what she was saying by saying "A3". She refused to take any medication the doctor needed to give her and spat it back at my dad. Outside the door were 5 doctors and nurses and two security guards waiting to restrain her due to her refusal so that they could take a CT scan to ensure nothing else was going on. That evening she was transferred and made an involuntary patient in a mental health care ward. Today she is making sense but consistently talking, talking, talking. Mum is in denial of her mental health. She believes this whole time she has been perfectly "sane". No one has called her insane or any possible synonym to compliment. My reason for posting is I need support - what resources have people found helpful? What actions could my family take to help? I would love to hear from people who have been through something similar and who may share their story with me I will be making an appointment to see my psych this week to debrief and have been in regular conversation with my immediate family.

Trixiegum Can mania make you think you are gay?
  • replies: 3

My bipolar spouse told me he was gay, because he believed that's what others thought he was. He has since told me he is not. I'm wanting to know if any have had experienced this or know someone that has experienced this in Bipolar? Or is it more like... View more

My bipolar spouse told me he was gay, because he believed that's what others thought he was. He has since told me he is not. I'm wanting to know if any have had experienced this or know someone that has experienced this in Bipolar? Or is it more likely that he outed himself and regretted it later?

Bethie Support and freinds
  • replies: 2

Hi Since joining BB i have learnt more about support and freinds than i ever thought possible. Life in tbe last week has been crazy. My husband who i care for with his MH issues is now able to go to a neighbour's for coffee on his own because I've be... View more

Hi Since joining BB i have learnt more about support and freinds than i ever thought possible. Life in tbe last week has been crazy. My husband who i care for with his MH issues is now able to go to a neighbour's for coffee on his own because I've been calmer. A neighbour i only kinda waved to before is now like a mum to me. Today i was driving her on a few errands and my car refused to start at the shops. She works as a carer and was great calming me down. The car goes back in to get fixed tomorrow. My husband stepped up and rang the car yard we brought it from. Having loving supportive people around me is amazing. The tools i have learnt from people here about how to be a carer but also how to respect my husband and let him be a husband after his accident and PTSD recurrence is incredible.

Cls Partner with depression and controlling mother
  • replies: 3

I have been dating this guy for almost a year now. It started off really good. I was getting along with his family and he with mine. A few months into the relationship, although we were still good, I could see he was having trouble. He couldn't keep ... View more

I have been dating this guy for almost a year now. It started off really good. I was getting along with his family and he with mine. A few months into the relationship, although we were still good, I could see he was having trouble. He couldn't keep a job and I found out his brother has bipolar and has been using ice. My partner was telling me not to come over and it wasn't a good idea to see him, but I kept coming anyway. so his brother is now coming off of ice, going in and out of a rehab centre. And his mum and I no longer get along because I 'keep taking her son away' , keeping in mind he is an adult. She wanted him there to help her, but he didn't want to stay so he stayed at mine for a couple of months. He went from sleeping all day to cooking, doing household chores and exercising while at mine. But despite talking to his family daily, they were very nasty to him and myself which only made him worse. So Christmas comes around, we made plans to see my family in the morning and his in the afternoon. All morning, he was on the phone to his mum who I could hear yelling at him, some nasty things. She then played the blame game, blaming me for everything, which wasn't the first time. Then accused us of being on drugs! We ended up going to his after only an hour with my family. We got there and I was told I was not welcome. He said he would be back on boxing Day, but he wasn't, I didn't even hear from him. None of his friends could get through to him either. I ended up calling the cops to check on him, which has made things worse. I finally see him a couple days ago and he tells me his depression is really bad and needs help. He has started having suicidal thoughts. He lives a few hours away and I cannot go to his house because of his mum. I again am unable to contact him. He knows he needs help but is scared to take the step. He thinks everyone hates him now. How can I help him overcome this fear? And I have tried apologising to his mum all efforts have been ignored. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him. I love him. But it's becoming frustratingly difficult on me. He said he was shitting me out to keep from hurting me, but not hearing from him is so much worse.

abev Help getting Centrelink payment for my partner
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend has struggled with mental health for his whole life but is not technically diagnosed as he has trouble even going to the GP. I would guess he has extreme anxiety, depression and OCD. He has been unemployed because of this for nearly 10 y... View more

My boyfriend has struggled with mental health for his whole life but is not technically diagnosed as he has trouble even going to the GP. I would guess he has extreme anxiety, depression and OCD. He has been unemployed because of this for nearly 10 years. He has been on and off Centrelink as whenever they try to make him go to appointments or interviews he has panic attacks and loses his payments. When he was honest with them about his struggles, he went to a Centrelink counsellor who said he was well enoug for work. He cant leave the house on hs own and even finds it hard to talk to his parents and few friends due tohigh social anxiety. I struggle with depression and anxiety myself but have managed to find a good job. The pay is not enough however to support two people and we are really struggling I guess I'm asking for advice on how to deal with Centrelink. Is there any way he could get disability? As I said he even finds it very hard to go to the GP.

Mrs_Mo The wife of a mental health sufferer.
  • replies: 4

My husband and I have been together for 3 years and have a loving relationship that is the envy of most. His relationship with the mother of his 13 year old daughter has been difficult, they split 7 years ago and until he started a relationship with ... View more

My husband and I have been together for 3 years and have a loving relationship that is the envy of most. His relationship with the mother of his 13 year old daughter has been difficult, they split 7 years ago and until he started a relationship with me, he had regular access to his daughter. His ex has now cut off access to his daughter as a result of him being with me even though they had split years before I came on the scene. I have only met her once and she verbally abused me in public. All legal advice we have had to date hasn't given us any hope of resolving the situation. Late last year he suffered an episode and was hospitalised for a few days. Up until that point I had no idea of the history of his mental illness, however I do now. He returned to work after a few weeks off and appeared to be working towards recovery with new medication and counselling. Over the last few days, the signs of another breakdown have appeared, he won't get out of bed and I'm exhausted from worry, and I'm ashamed to say I'm becoming angry with the situation. The episode last year scared the life out of me and I am doubting my ability to cope with another similar issue. He is on the verge of losing his job because of the amount of time off he is having and I am worried sick about the effect that will have on him and the thought of having to financially support us both. I just don't know what to do to help him or myself.

Ollie999 parents of children with Borderline Personality Disorder
  • replies: 9

Hi I just joined and want to know if there are any parents in the community of children with Borderline Personality Disorder. My 18yo daughter has had many many years of mental health issues and has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and is c... View more

Hi I just joined and want to know if there are any parents in the community of children with Borderline Personality Disorder. My 18yo daughter has had many many years of mental health issues and has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and is currently medicated. I’m fairly sure that she has BPD after reading extensively about it. I know it’s dangerous to make a diagnosis without medical opinion but the symptoms of BPD match. The best way I can describe it is that she is like a tornado that creates drama wherever she goes and, in her eyes, it’s always everyone else’s fault. Anyway she has just moved back home after wearing her welcome out somewhere else. Basically she physically assaulted someone she was living with so she is no longer welcome. She has been back at mine for less than 48 hours and already I’m a nervous wreck and really feel as though I cannot have her living here. As that a valid feeling to have as a mother?