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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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1dayatatime Close friend in crisis cutting people off who love her deeply
  • replies: 1

Very recently a friend who is not only someone I consider one of my best friends or at least I thought was, but is parent to a child of mine's best friend has had a lot of bad life events happen one after the other. My friend has a lot of ptsd, and i... View more

Very recently a friend who is not only someone I consider one of my best friends or at least I thought was, but is parent to a child of mine's best friend has had a lot of bad life events happen one after the other. My friend has a lot of ptsd, and is also ND like myself so I know everything she feels she feels so intensely and deep which is why her and i got one another. Last time she attempted and had a visible breakdown she was hospitalised and i visited daily. This was during a crisis time of leaving psychological and emotionally abusive dv that still impacts her all the time because the ex and his family are all narcissistic that belittle all her efforts. it would be soul crushing knowing they are bad mouthing you in small but significant ways to your children with remarks like " your mother can't do what we can do for you" etc to always do grandiose outings and belittle anything she tries to make special and not about materialistic things to try and teach them to be about more than that. Anyway this lady has been through so much and homelessness periods, and stress of moving whilst grieving loss of a parent and sunk into her deepest depression yet. A mutual friend who's known her since highschool whom I met through her rang me super concerned so knowing how close they are of course I took it seriously and we both cried and talked about what we wish we could help with but is beyond something we alone can do and her friend decided to call the ambulance for a welfare check in because she disclosed to me she began taking things to cope that were not usual known behaviour because she just wants to stop feeling so much sadness. I don't hate her for this at all let alone think she is bad for this. She began withdrawing isolating herself but is also in extreme burnout just trying to keep a roof over her head, so i had a feeling she wasn't doing well but kept telling myself she's just busy like me with my own family's needs. Anyway due to the mutual telling me and me giving the mutual her location and mutual calling we have both been blocked. I don't know where to go from here. my heart wants to just rock up and send care packages or text her phone but i feel like she won't care or answer anything. i tried to message her sister to check in because i'm so stressed about the whole experience and am having ptsd flashbacks to losing my best friend to self harm in 2010. I'm trying to not think the worst but are we bad friends for calling help?

Sad_carer Struggling living with husband with mental illness
  • replies: 22

My husband & I have been together 36 years, married for 32. I was 16 when we started dating & knew I met my soul mate. Our life was really great, we were best friends, never fought & we were so in love. My husband had a couple of bouts of depression ... View more

My husband & I have been together 36 years, married for 32. I was 16 when we started dating & knew I met my soul mate. Our life was really great, we were best friends, never fought & we were so in love. My husband had a couple of bouts of depression which he recovered from with counselling & medication. Then in late 2010 he suffered severe anxiety & melancholic depression which was treatment resistant. Our wonderful doctor (who specialises in mental health) helped my husband through his previous bouts of illness sent him to a psychologist & psychiatrist. After counselling & changes in medication failed to work he was admitted to hospital for ECT. After 10 rounds we decided to stop as he was hallucinating which was distressing. He spent 7 weeks in hospital having the ECT, counselling & medication changes but was still very unwell when he came home. I went to hospital every day, went to almost all of his counselling sessions & psychiatrist visits for 5 1/2 years & during this time I had him on suicide watch twice. My life changed so much & then he finally started to come back. We took a trip overseas which was amazing but when we returned things started to change. It was gradual so it took me until things became really bad that I went to our doctor & explained everything to her. She advised me to go to the psychiatrist again with him who diagnosed bipolar. Once again my husband was not the man he used to be & I struggled to come to terms with another mental illness, more medical visits & more changes in medication. It's now been about 9 months & although he has improved a lot, things between us have changed. I still care for him but my feelings aren't the same & I don't love him anymore. Our marriage has deteriorated so much that it's close to being over. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought this would happen to us. We were an almost perfect couple. Last Friday I went & had a good talk to our doctor & she has strongly suggested we have some relationship counselling which my husband & I have both decided to do. I feel so bad though because it's his illness that has changed him & therefor causing the issues so it's not his fault. But I have been through so much, I am extremely unhappy & I'm scared about the major change that could happen in my life if we don't get our marriage back on track. I'm feeling very confused & no one I can talk to really understands my situation. Just wondering if anyone has been through something similar & what the outcome was?

Guest_10225 Partner left me because of the horrible person I was while depressed.
  • replies: 1

I am truly struggling to grasp that my partner left me. We broke up because of how I was while depressed. We had split and 3 months later I went and sought professional help and was diagnosed with depression . I spoke to them about all the things I s... View more

I am truly struggling to grasp that my partner left me. We broke up because of how I was while depressed. We had split and 3 months later I went and sought professional help and was diagnosed with depression . I spoke to them about all the things I said and did, and learnt my thinking and reasonings about it all. All these conversations with the professionals I had I told her about, told her how my brain was working at the time and how it’s not a reflection of what our relationship ever was. I love her so much, and have been together for 11 years. But she won’t let me in completely. We are still in each others life’s, I still help her with things. She said she still cares for me. but because of my actions while I was depressed; the self sabotage - personal demons we broke up. It hard because she knows that’s not who I am. That it’s a disease of the brain - I’m making changes and seeking help and talking to professionals. But, It’s getting harder and harder.

Guest_24334156 Reply to Anxiety & Depression on dsp
  • replies: 4

Hello. I hope this forum finds you well. I have a problem with anxiety attacks everyday and panic. I can't hold a job down successfully. Does anyone have any ideas to help me? I've tried many things but keep landing in it. I used to be a childcare as... View more

Hello. I hope this forum finds you well. I have a problem with anxiety attacks everyday and panic. I can't hold a job down successfully. Does anyone have any ideas to help me? I've tried many things but keep landing in it. I used to be a childcare assistant and animal shelter volunteer. I'm on the ndis now.Thankyou for reading this. If someone could respond I would be most happy.

HopeDream Supporting my trans sibling
  • replies: 1

Hello, I wanted to write on here as I don't know who to talk to. My younger sibling has recently come out as trans and is currently seeking gender affirming care such as hormone replacement therapy. However, my parents are very against this and so my... View more

Hello, I wanted to write on here as I don't know who to talk to. My younger sibling has recently come out as trans and is currently seeking gender affirming care such as hormone replacement therapy. However, my parents are very against this and so my sibling needs to earn their own income to pay for their healthcare. They are even considering moving out due to my parents' lack of approval. I am very stressed about all this because it feels like my family is falling apart. It may be selfish to only think about that, of course I am moreso concerned about my younger sibling's emotional safety and wellbeing. But I don't know how to deal with everything that's happening, if there's anything I should do, or if I should just let things play out. I am trying to educate myself at least. If anyone has any advice/support, that would be greatly appreciated.

Astarry Parents still traumatic
  • replies: 8

G'day I'm 57 years old and I'm embarrassed to say that after years and years of therapy, Iv only ' got,' the huge extent of trauma my borderline/narcassistic mother affects me and iv just put boundaries down. I've never been sexually abused. My pain ... View more

G'day I'm 57 years old and I'm embarrassed to say that after years and years of therapy, Iv only ' got,' the huge extent of trauma my borderline/narcassistic mother affects me and iv just put boundaries down. I've never been sexually abused. My pain and my trauma enveloped me all my life. Iv been there for many other people for years but never met a person with such a tragic story as mine without sexual abuse. For years I wanted to be close to my brother's but we were all equally abused just different. My youngest brother is a functioning drug addict however he has a very successful business and he is spending his money on what not. I want to reach out however I don't know how to.

MishnLinc Husband has depression and left home to get himself right
  • replies: 44

I don't know where to start with this all but 2 weeks ago my husband told me he needed a break from our marriage and originally moved into the spare room. It was so hard on me as we have a 2 year old and it was confusing for him why Dadda was sleepin... View more

I don't know where to start with this all but 2 weeks ago my husband told me he needed a break from our marriage and originally moved into the spare room. It was so hard on me as we have a 2 year old and it was confusing for him why Dadda was sleeping in the spare room. He eventually told me that he as been suffering in a black fog for the past 3 months and that he doesn't know anything anymore, including us. He even told me he had dark thoughts while I was away but thankfully it scared him and he has since gone to the GP. He is on Anti depressants and booked into see a Pysch. In the meantime he is talking to a counsellor online I think. A little bit of background, my hubby was adopted and always held a hatred for his birth mother, he has had low self esteem and never feels good enough. We have been together 9 years and married for 6 years. His adoptive mother is interesting as well and never really handled things right with the adoption. Anyway, recently (October) she told my husband that she knows his birth name and has some documents from his adoption. This has sent him into a tale spin, I noticed him changing from there. He says he no longer knows who he is or what his life is. We recently sold a house and purchased Land to build. This has added to his stress....I told him that I would support him through this but he has decided that he needs to go and left, ironically to his mothers. I am heartbroken, I don't know what to do and how to support him. He sends me messages that he wants to build the house and that we are just taking a break while he sorts himself out. Then will say that he wants to build the house so I and my son have a roof over our head. I told him that I can't afford to live in it on my own. He came over on Saturday for 3 hours and when he left I was a mess. He was dark and moody but walked around the house like he still lived here, it was very weird. He says he doesn't know how he feels. I am confused as well, we ended up fighting and I feel he wants me to say its over. I have no idea if he will come back or not. I wanted to do this together but he has left. How do I deal with this? Do I disconnect and let him work it out, or try and support him?

Quiettall How to guide a brother with serious mental health issues
  • replies: 11

I have a younger brother who is about 65 years old. He destroyed his marriage and relationships with his immediate family (children/grandchildren) some 5 or so years ago by gambling his and his wife's savings away. He is an habitual liar, telling all... View more

I have a younger brother who is about 65 years old. He destroyed his marriage and relationships with his immediate family (children/grandchildren) some 5 or so years ago by gambling his and his wife's savings away. He is an habitual liar, telling all sorts of stories to make out he is doing well and very successful in life. Last Christmas he had a heart issue and was admitted to Intensive care for a few weeks. I was notified within minutes of flying overseas with my wife (He listed me as next of kin because no-one else in the family will have anything to do with him). He is now recovered and living in a men's refuge style of accommodation, although he tells me he has bought and living in his own unit. He had a relationship with a woman who has contacted me saying she has serious concerns about his deluded behaviour. She has sent deliveries of food and clothes to him as she visited him earlier in the year as a surprise, and was shocked at the poor quality of accommodation he is in. He arrived at my older brother's (Noel) home on Friday night for an overnight stay en-route to catching up with mates in Melbourne. My older brother rang me to say he was shocked and very concerned at Steve's mental and physical state. When Steve talks to me by sms or phone, he makes out he is working, earning a good income, has recovered and walks 3-5 kms per day. However Noel said he could not walk 100 metres without struggling due to swollen legs and ankles, and Steve bragged about how he is living with 3 mates, has ahuge superannuation savings, is well supported by Centrelink and some side hussle he has (we think he is gambling still). I have tried getting mental health support for him in NSW but he refuses, saying he is fine.I am concerned an not sure what I can do as I am in Brisbane caring for my very ill wife. I am fearing he will end up like his older brother who died 2 years ago after he suffered serious bi-polar and delusional behaviour, and ended up in an older men's care centre in Queensland. I would be open to any guidance or advice here

Artemis Very close friend attempted
  • replies: 2

I think it feels right to post this here. Yesterday (9th May 2025, Friday), at school, one of my closest friends tried to commit suicide. Keep in mind that he opens up to me and I open up to him, neither of us open up to anyone else. Since Wednesday,... View more

I think it feels right to post this here. Yesterday (9th May 2025, Friday), at school, one of my closest friends tried to commit suicide. Keep in mind that he opens up to me and I open up to him, neither of us open up to anyone else. Since Wednesday, he had been cold to us, then on Thursday, texting in the group chat during period 4, he was being quite rude as well. I had told the rest of my friends that last time he had stopped responding to messages, afterwards he had told me he was trying to ruin his life so he could die in peace. We were worried this was what this time was. Friday, start of period 2, he messaged the group chat and simply said “I’m sorry…”. We didn’t connect the dots until later. We had thought it was just an apology for how he acted. Halfway through period 2 my friend turned to me and was like “wait… he has PE. This would be a good time to go to the bathroom and just…”. We looked at each other for a few moments, both of us connecting everything. Then she said “I’m gonna ask to go to the bathroom.” When she came back, she asked me if anyone had told me, because another friend had walked in who knew. I shook my head. “(Friend) tried to kill himself.” We couldn’t focus for the rest of the lesson. After the period ended we went up to the quiet room. We were in there all day. One of us, there were 4 altogether, had a partner assessment and couldn’t leave their partner, so she went to class. One of us left during period 5. My last friend, the one who had connected the dots, left during period 6, and I went back to class for the last 15 minutes. We had spent the time during the day chatting, about the incident and other things, trying to distract each other and ourselves, and talking to one of the counsellors a few times, as well as me calling my auntie for some advice and just because I needed to tell someone aside from my friends. It hadn’t felt real. Like this should only happen in movies. “It feels like somebody is going to pop out of nowhere with a camera and say ‘scene’”, one of my friends said, “and then we have to move on with our lives like this never happened”. Keep in mind we’re only in year 8 right now. It was a lot. We got a message at around lunchtime from the friend who had attempted, saying he was safe and in the hospital and he just wanted to let us know. Later, around 4pm, he said he was discharged but didn’t know when he’d be back at school. I don’t know what to do with myself now. What are you supposed to do when this happens?

Tigermoth My husband is addicted to online tarot sites
  • replies: 6

Does anyone have any experience of addiction to online tatrot sites. My husband was daignosed with PTSD in 2014. He wont make a decsion until he consults one of these oneline tarot sites and uses what it says to guide his actions. He is using up the ... View more

Does anyone have any experience of addiction to online tatrot sites. My husband was daignosed with PTSD in 2014. He wont make a decsion until he consults one of these oneline tarot sites and uses what it says to guide his actions. He is using up the entire household data alloawance sometimes on the site for 4-5 hours a day.