Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Emotional exhaustion nobody sees

replies: 1

Lately I’ve realised I’ve been carrying everyone else’s emotional weight while quietly ignoring my own. I care deeply about the people in my life, especially when they’re struggling, but constantly being the “strong one” has taken a serious toll on my mental health. You can’t keep pouring from an empty cup and calling it resilience. At some point, exhaustion starts masquerading as compassion. I'm Still learning that supporting people shouldn’t come at the cost of losing myself in the process.

a partner who is a veteran and has CPTSD

replies: 1

I am new to this forum. I am so confused and desperate to get valuable information or some kind of advice as my partner is not ready to talk yet. My partner and I have been living on the same roof for 1 year. We had lived at my house for 1 month and then he decided to buy a bigger house so we can start a family. Right, in the beginning I have a gut feeling but I challenged it because he had come a long way and did his best. I noticed since we live on the same roof he stop trying and he became worst when we moved to the house we bougth together 6 months ago. Two months after we moved in last Christmas he wanted to have a break as he was struggling mentally. I wasn't aware he was struggling and I took it personally. Since then he has been out 3x or 4 x a week overnight or up until midnight. He won't communicate with me where his location in the beginning. I put up boundaries and he wouldn't be able to follow through. I filled the gap in my mind I thought he has an affair. I caught him a few times sleeping at his drinking buddies house who is a single woman. I'm not sure if he has an affair. He started to lie and so many excuses and at the end I found out he would fell asleep at his mates place due to intoxication. He has been hiding his issues and not completely honest with me. He broke my trust. I wanted to have a family and I am now 44 but if his behaviour is like this I don't think I can stay. It is against my values to drink excessively. He tried to reduce in the past but last Christmas since his treatment for Ptsd was paused because they have to focus his back issue and also his mental health has deteriorated . My needs aren't meet and the arguments did not help. I feel so lonely and unloved in a relationship and I would like to start a family before it is too late. I would like to continue supporting him but at the same time I am in a point that my mental health has been affected and Im not happy in a relationship as he doesn't communicate for me to understand. I think in the beginning he thought I was being judgemental because he would spend 6-8 hours at the pub. It is very challenging to deal with. Despite, his flaws he is a wonderful person and I do love him but I feel like it is not good for me in a long term . He is good with my mum who is visiting us from overseas, also to my brothers family and his friends. Recently, I moved my stuff at the other room because I was upset when I saw him drinking excessively when we went away on a holiday. I get triggered as he made a lot of promises but it has been broken. I know he didn't want a conversation that evening but I insisted which it didn't do well. I mentioned that he should seek help with his drinking because I really think he struggled to handle it himself. He is working as a chauffeur to minimize his drinking but still I think he drinks more and when he drinks he is not taking his evening meds. Recently, he had medication overdose as he was distracted and admitted to hospital. Post admission, he saw me very emotional and he said we will have conversation when he comes back from interstate. I am hoping he would attend the connected couples group program. He is not keen to attend the couples counselling. I said to him we try before deciding to separate, but it seemed he is moving on. Is that normal for a guy who has PTSD to become cold against me by the time he wanted a break and until now? I gave him timeline in July I need consistency.Thank you for reading this and I need your valuable thoughts.

How to help my Dad with his mental health

replies: 2

My Dad is 65 and last year tried to take his life twice. He has been a resident in a Mental Health facility for a while followed up by home visits that at first were every day then reduced over the course of the year. For the last year he has not worked( mainly due to the fact he cut his arm quite severely so had to have a few operations to reattach tendons etc), he never wants to leave the house to the point where he won’t go for his psychologist appointments or regular Drs appointments. His mental health team are aware and have had to change his medication a couple of times. His team have told him to try and get a routine of going to bed at a similar time and waking at a set time but he is staying up late and or getting up late. When he wakes he is not nice to be around and he is not great until the afternoon. My Mom is 78 and is trying to understand and be there for him but it is starting to be a drain on her. He constantly picks at her and moans about everything. She got a puppy as she was so tired of being “alone” but he didn’t want the dog. I think she thought it might give him a reason to go out and take her for walks. He says he has no motivation for anything. Last Xmas he didn’t come to our house so my Mom had lunch with us and took some back for him. Obviously we understood but the kids wondered where he was. Before this he was always working, doing jobs round the house and now it’s all down to my Mom. I live close by so call every day and go to the house every other day, more if I’m needed. They should both be living their best lives as my Mom is retired and my Dad was planning to be semi retired before this happened. I just don’t see an end to this and feel helpless. Any ideas?

Support for partners with PTSD

replies: 5

After a workplace accident my partner attempted to revive his colleague but he tragically died almost instantly. He developed PTSD after this and we’re still living with the impacts 8 years later. Together we’ve explored many many options for ptsd. He’s undertaken EMDR, group therapy, 1:1 therapy, medication and natural therapies. it’s made a difference for him personally but he still can’t be open emotionally with me. He shuts me out and can’t be affectionate with me. He also doesn’t really see how the ptsd impacts me and doesn’t acknowledge just how much his diagnosis has impacted me too. I love this man, I understand it’s the PTSD, he’s a great father and I see him hurting - but I am so incredibly lonely in our relationship. I feel so shut out, so unloved. Irritability is one of the symptoms of ptsd, I know that, but it leaves me feeling like all I do is irritate and annoy him. Because of the ptsd he’s constantly scanning for threats, always looking at the negatives, I understand why but it’s still leaves me exhausted.I’ve seen various psychologists for myself over the years and I’ve found them almost invalidating, one encouraged me to leave because I deserve better. I stopped seeing her after that because I felt she didn’t truely understand our situation - but I question now if maybe I am just not seeing things clearly? We have done couples therapy in the past to try and understand better how ptsd was impacting our relationship- I helped with understanding but didn’t really change anything. I often felt like my feelings weren’t valid because of my partners ptsd, anything I raised I struggled with felt dismissed because it was linked back to the diagnosis so it felt very hard to see a solution. Our kids both have health conditions that require regular tests, medication, cardiologist appointments, I manage all of that to try not to add more to his plate, so I have a lot less left in the tank for our relationship- where as I had a lot more time and energy to invest in supporting his recovery a few years ago. I’ve read ‘loving someone with PTSD’ and tried joining partners of people with ptsd support groups, the book was helpful but support groups were really negative about their partners and left me feeling worse about our situation. I guess I’m just looking for shared experiences, is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I’m looking for hope or clarity I guess I feel so lost and alone.

Supporting a Neuridivergent Chronically Depressed Adult Child

replies: 1

Hi all. I am the Mum of a chronically depressed, neurodivergent adult child in their 20s. They've had anxiety, depression and an eating disorder since they were quite young and have recently been diagnosed with ASD Level 2. They have socially isolated themselves for the last 8 years, rarely leaving the house, spending all their time gaming online and barely functioning. So imagine my joy when one of their online friends actually came to visit and spend time with them! I thought "At last, they might be able to be social, leave the house, start forming a life of their own!". But then shortly after the visit, the friendship ended and my adult child fell into despair - constant crying, sleeplessness, not eating, not functioning. This has been going on for 6+ months now and even with weekly psychologist sessions, things are not getting better. They talk about being a failure, wanting to die, never being able to live a normal life - they actually told me they never planned for a future because they always assumed they would kill themselves. As a parent, I am so totally devastated and feel utterly helpless & depressed. I have spent my life getting them support whenever it's needed and trying to hold everything together for them. i'm now in my late 50s, looking towards retirement and unable to see a future for myself because I'm just continuously caring for them. I don't know what to do. I thought maybe the NDIS might have resources to help them, but with the recent cutback announcements, I don't think help for autistic adults will be available. I just want them to wake up to themself and get a life! But they have so many mental/physical issues that it won't happen. I'm just at a loss, and I have nowhere to turn. I just needed to get all that off my chest. Thanks for reading.

Helping your child to overcome school refusal

replies: 18

Ok, I am going to be super up front and direct about this topic. I feel really bad for any parent in this situation as I can only imagine what they have gone through. The sadness, the dramas , the heartache , the sense of guilt, shame, anxiety about what to do, about what NOT to do. I feel 3 things need to happen pretty quickly and intensively for any child refusing to go to school because of their anxiety or depression: 1. They need their condition treated 2. They need to get back to school as school refusal is a slippery slope 3. Parents, Guardians and any other family members need guidance in developing management skills to help the child as it is really hard work. So… where to from here ? Consult a great GP who can guide you to a great psychologist and child / adolescent psychiatrist. Your child needs a proper evaluation and diagnosis and treatment plan. ( Make sure it's anxiety/depression and not aspergers or something else for example) I recommend parents find someone ( GP or therapist or case worker) to manage their child’s back to school plan. This involves managing the logistics of exactly how this happens - looking at the timing of when they go and for how long each time, and who they report to at the school in case of this that or the other… Check if there is a Headspace centre near you, please drop in there and see what they can offer as they usually have some experience with this sort of thing: https://www.headspace.org.au/ If you don’t have a GP, you can find one here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional Whatever you do, just start doing it now and keep going . DO NOT GIVE UP! Keep searching for help as getting your child some relief from their anxiety/depression is really important and getting back into education is such an important goal. Ring helplines - Beyond Blue or kids helpline (1800 55 1800) if you get stuck. I hope I haven’t overwhelmed you, I want to reassure you that the parental instinct that has lead you to research this is 100% spot on !! Here is another helpful link: https://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/mental-health-matters/school-refusal Do you have experience in helping a child overcome school refusal? Share your tips and experiences below!

Daughter with bpd and other triggers

replies: 2

Hi, this is my first time I am placing myself out there to chat with people whom have a loved one with bpd. My daughter currently does not live with me nor does she want to know me, she hates me so much!!! It is so hurtful to hear a voice message of her hating me.. my daughter is attending dbt groups since last year, that's all I know, she is 29. I am reaching out for any advice??

Upset at sibling's pregnancy

replies: 4

My sister and her husband are having a baby - I am very happy for them as I know it's what they want, and they will be wonderful parents, but for some reason I still feel very sad/worried/panicked/apprehensive, to the point I don't want to see them or the baby at all once it's here. This is nothing to do with jealousy - I do not want kids, at least not yet - and I am unsure why I am having such a visceral reaction to the news. Any insights from people who have felt similar feelings in this situation would be appreciated. Thank you.

Tired

replies: 5

I’m used to helping my mum in caring for my little sister (who is autistic), especially when my dad is away at work.However lately i’ve been getting more irritable/annoyed at my sister or at doing stuff to help her (like feeding her, dressing her up). i feel like crying or lashing out everytime she doesn’t listen to me or she makes a mess. the only time i’m not irritable is when i’m not with her, and i feel like a bad sister because of that. with all the holiday homework i have combined with this ive just been feeling so tired too. i feel like i need a break from taking care of my sister, but that feels so wrong as an older sister. my dad is still away at work, so who will help my mum care for her?I have nothing much to do about this but wait for my dad to head home so i can take care of my sister less. but i dont know if i can tell my mum about how ive been feeling, she will probably get mad and also ive been stressing her out because i also sound annoyed most of the time i talk to my sister. i’m so tired…

mum had cancer twice

replies: 2

hi my dear mum had cancer 4 the 2nd time last year she is nt even sixty she has started saying things like she doesnt knw whether she will be around 4 thirty years or five i think they have taken all the cancer bt it kills me that she has been suffer... View more

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Emotional exhaustion nobody sees replies: 1

a partner who is a veteran and has CPTSD replies: 1

How to help my Dad with his mental health replies: 2

Support for partners with PTSD replies: 5

Supporting a Neuridivergent Chronically Depressed Adult Child replies: 1

Helping your child to overcome school refusal replies: 18

Daughter with bpd and other triggers replies: 2

Upset at sibling's pregnancy replies: 4

Tired replies: 5

mum had cancer twice replies: 2