Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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What goes through an alcoholic mind when they have a supporting friend

replies: 1

Hi, I need advice on what's going on in my friend's mind when they are struggling with an alcohol addiction. I have just reconnected with this friend of mine, and they have told me about their battle with alcohol addiction. I have so far done social activities such as sports, reading together and even movie night at my place, which have not included alcohol. The reason for this is that I have already set that boundary up for them by telling them that all the things we do will not include alcohol, and as a friend, I will always support them. I realised with this friend that I will need to be patient with them because it will be up to them to fix their problem, because although they want to reach out, at the same time they also want to isolate and push people away. Sometimes I do not hear from them after a while, which I know is due to their battles, such as relapses, for which I told them they should reach out instead of hiding themselves. They did once, although it was only once, for which I told them was a good sign of improvement. The thing is that it does feel like they have no other friend besides me who is supporting them, and the friends they have at the moment are bad and, in fact, enabling them. My question is what goes through their mind when they have finally met a friend who is supporting them and shows them that you can have a good time without alcohol. My friend is in their 30s, and the alcohol addiction has negatively impacted them so much that it has hurt their family the most, and since we have just reconnected, I realised this will be a slow process. Any advice people can give is great. Thank you. I am trying to learn about this alcohol addiction.

Help with daughter

replies: 3

Please help my daughter is 21 and I have noticed she was slowly withdrawing from me, irritated easily and hence I left her to her boyfriend and friends. At year 8 she seperated from her dad and lived with me. At year 11 I found a vape and alcohol in her room and I believed when she said it was her friends. I trusted she is not that type. After 4 years now I took her for lunch and connected. She said she did vape but not much now, using weed but not regular, using alcohol whenever with friends and started an SSRI medication. Her dad has bipolar disorder and psychosis. How should I help. She lives between my house and her boyfriends. He is also using weed now as fun time and noticed he is seemingly restless and anxious compared to few months before. I myself need support and a sensitive person. Finding it hard to cope with these

Alcoholism

replies: 3

I have been living with an alcoholic for 15 years. I work fulltime & pay all expenses for the household. My partner does not work & sells anything of worth to pay for alcohol. He has no access to my money or credit cards, nor do I enable him. He constantly reaches out to his mum for $ and she gives in every time. I have spoken with her, pleading for her to stop giving him money as he is an alcoholic, yet it falls on deaf ears. He will take her last $20 without hesitation. I have overcome many challenges in my life, from sexual abuse as a young child, drug dependency as an adult and several suicide attempts. I have been clean 17 years now from both amphetamines and alcohol. I am in a job that I love, have a fantastic relationship with my son ( which took many years to rebuild) and adore my 3 grandchildren who's lives I am apart of. My partner does not come to family get togethers nor spend any time with my son, grandchildren or parents, choosing to stay home and drink. In the past 7 years we have become 2 people who share a house and separate beds. I cannot understand what is stopping me from leaving him, after overcoming such huge obstacles in my life, why am I finding this so hard.

I'm struggling all my friend's need support and I'm starting to feel like I have nothing left

replies: 2

I don't know if I can do it anymore all my friend's need support I don't know how to give I'm only 15 and I already feel like I have nothing left to give but I know they need me and I don't know how to ask for help

Family member in jail - mental health

replies: 1

I have a family member who is in jail after struggling with a severe mental illness for years. My family spent years trying to get help only to be disappointed with the lack of consistent care. There have been multiple hospital admissions, drs, court hearings and community mental health orders. They are so intelligent and able to convince people they are okay and don’t need medications etc. now they’re in prison for a horrific crime. I can’t help but feel guilty for not trying harder and doing more - though I’ve spent years trying. I feel sorry for them, knowing that they have to live each day in prison with the confusion and disbelief over what they’ve done. In their ‘right’ mind, they’re the kindest person I know. Even in a psychotic episode, the voices and acts they follow ultimately have a positive light (I can’t describe this in a better way but im hoping someone understands). I make regular trips interstate to visit them in prison. I manage almost everything from finances, lawyers and doctors. I too struggle with my own mental health and I can’t seem to do the most basic things these days. I’ve just finished an 11 hour day at work and come home only to remember I haven’t cleaned or done washing. I can’t remember the last time I cooked a proper meal. I cry all the time. Thinking about the family and friends of the victims, about my own family. I am in therapy but it’s not enough.

Help

replies: 7

My son is getting worse he scares me. he hears voices that he being tracked where ever he goes he doesn’t sleep much, now he thinks some one framing him for murder and he suppose to be in witness protection he today went to the neighbours yelling in ... View more

My husband has depression and we have 2 young children

replies: 1

At the beginning of this year (9 months ago) my husbands depression got progressively worse. I shield the kids from it so they don't know but the weight it is on me is more than I'm able to bare right now. I am exhausted. I have been his rock for so long. My husband tells me I shouldn't feel unhappy or anything, his the one who has depression and is taking medication and trying therapy ECT. But man I am out of steam. I'm 29 years old. Can anyone help share how they got through this.

Want to my mother more than myself

replies: 2

So for background, I went through something horrendous when I was between 10 to 14ish years old. My bio dad left my mum when I was 10 nearly 11, he distanced himself and made his own seperate room in the house until he eventually he just left all together when u was 11, my mother turned a blind eye to it and never said or did anything about him trying to live seperate in the same household, I think she was just trying to give him space to think. When I was 12 and a half I left to move in with my father 2 towns away, he ended up doing some horrid things to me (yes, in a sexual way, that's a different story) and I moved back to my mother's house 2 years later after that abuse. My mother has recently started a relationship with a new man and when I was 16 she married him. Because of where I was in life I never really supported my mother in her second marriage, and yes my own things with bio father was somewhat dealt with in the legal sense, but I wish I had more time to live with my step father. I moved out at 17 to be with my boyfriend. To speed this story along, my mother divorced my step father when I was 22, she spent a few months beforehand distancing herself from her husband in the same way my bio father left her. I know there is a legal term for the sphycoanalogy of it, but I stress for what she has gone through and I think she needs councliling for it. I can't really bring it up to her because I know she will react badly and I don't know what else to do, but I fear one day soon she might repeat that same cycle. After 10 years I have recently been in contact with my step father and he is still deeply depressed about her leaving him, but my mother very quickly moved on and now has a partner that she has been with for at least 2 years. I love my mother as she has always been there for me and very supportive, but I also don't want her to be carrying this silent burden like she needs to escape a relationship as if it will all repeat again, and I think it's because of what I went through that she feels that way. What do I do?

I feel like a burden to everyone, especially my girlfriend. any advice?

replies: 3

So, my girlfriend struggles with many mental health issues and other conditions. I have a few myself, mostly undiagnosed but i have a chronic health condition, as of late I feel as though I have been struggling quite a lot, she constantly reaffirms me and says its fine to talk to her if i have any issues, but it doesn't help the constant nagging feeling of being too much or a burden to everyone around me. I feel like its taking a strain on our relationship. We have been together a bit more than a year and she hasnt really opened up to me too much about her own struggles, (not that theres any pressure to, ive made it clear its her own decision and im okay with her not being ready) while i open up about mine every now and then when things get bad. Recently i have found myself slipping into old habits and am scared to tell her because i dont want to upset her. i love her so much. Were so insanely in love but im scared for our future together. She said she would go off her meds and start new as most of them arent working properly. I am scared of how this will affect us. When there's a change in medication she's more prone to generally unpleasant symptoms. Im scared of how its going to affect her. it tears me to pieces knowing that she is in pain physically and mentally and that i cannot do anything about it. Knowing that she's experiencing her own pain and anguish makes it much harder for me to express myself without fear of being a burden because Im often very confused by my own feelings, (she tends to get professional help and i never have. quite different families) And sometimes i just dont know what they are or what's affecting me. I struggle a lot with the fear and upset of being a bother to those around me. any advice, help or words of wisdom are more than welcome. Thank you.

Sister is self harming i dont know what to do

replies: 3

My sister told me shes harming herself. She said that she'd stopped for ages but tonight she did it again. Ive moved away for university and live with my grandparents and she said she did it because she felt very lonely because I wasn't there. I know its not my fault but it feels like it is. As well as this I practically was my younger siblings mother figure because our mum left us and our dad and my dad struggles with alcohol. Ive always been parentified but I got used to it. I have also struggled with self harm in the past I havent for 4 years but I still struggle with depression occasionally mainly from the trauma cause by abuse. Anyways, back to the topic. She told me not to tell anyone that I was the only one that knew and that because she was lonely because I wasn't there she did it. I have no idea how to handle this and im so upset about it and I just dont know what to do so if someone could help I would greatly appreciate

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

What goes through an alcoholic mind when they have a supporting friend replies: 1

Help with daughter replies: 3

Alcoholism replies: 3

I'm struggling all my friend's need support and I'm starting to feel like I have nothing left replies: 2

Family member in jail - mental health replies: 1

Help replies: 7

My husband has depression and we have 2 young children replies: 1

Want to my mother more than myself replies: 2

I feel like a burden to everyone, especially my girlfriend. any advice? replies: 3

Sister is self harming i dont know what to do replies: 3