Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Sister is self harming i dont know what to do

replies: 3

My sister told me shes harming herself. She said that she'd stopped for ages but tonight she did it again. Ive moved away for university and live with my grandparents and she said she did it because she felt very lonely because I wasn't there. I know its not my fault but it feels like it is. As well as this I practically was my younger siblings mother figure because our mum left us and our dad and my dad struggles with alcohol. Ive always been parentified but I got used to it. I have also struggled with self harm in the past I havent for 4 years but I still struggle with depression occasionally mainly from the trauma cause by abuse. Anyways, back to the topic. She told me not to tell anyone that I was the only one that knew and that because she was lonely because I wasn't there she did it. I have no idea how to handle this and im so upset about it and I just dont know what to do so if someone could help I would greatly appreciate

Helping Someone

replies: 3

I have a male friend that is about 12 years older than me. Last year he told me that he had two falls. I have been calling him regularly asking him how he is but this year he seems to be telling me that he feels fine. Maybe things are improving for him or maybe he only has this problem once every two years. I am not sure if he appreciates my calls anymore as he tends to end the conversation sooner and sometimes he does not call me back. Maybe I should just wait six months before trying to call him again. I have other friends that I can call and I don’t want to become a nuisance.

caring for sister

replies: 4

Hi, I am an older sister caring for my younger sister with autism and depression, and I would really appreciate some advice. I am worried for her because she is showing signs of mental decline that is only being worsened by our home environment. To be clear, we are safe, she just gets into arguments a lot with my parents because they do not understand her. This frustrates me. She is currently in therapy, but she says she hates it. She has reached a point where she is practically non verbal and locks herself in her room all the time, even though she is the sweetest girl. She feels comfortable with me and we have had many conversations about this but recently she has found it harder to communicate and is really worsening. I wrote my parents a letter to try and get them to understand, and also had an in depth conversation with them, but nothing seems to be changing. Does anyone have advice? I don’t want to inflame anything because she has reached a point where she just doesn’t want to explain herself anymore. Thank you to anyone who can respond.

Barely coping: Son with OCD

replies: 1

Hi there everyone. I have a beautiful intelligent 21yr old son. He is at university and has a girlfriend. But he has crippling OCD around body image and health. He has had this week a huge obsessive turn about his non existent acne, its hijacking his life - not showing up for work, never seeing his girlfriend, online all day, obsessive compensatory behaviours. He's on the verge of losing everything.We saw a GP who reminded him his ocd is severe and suggested he take medication and he needs help asap - hes looking for a clinic. I thought it sunk in but today he told me he went to his girlfriends house and told her she can break up with him if she wants and said to me he doesnt care about anything other than his acne - work, friends, everything. Hes upset and always in tears cant leave the house. But he wont try to manage his mental health according to the doctors advice. I have collapsed now - this has been years and I cant cope anymore. I cant do anything and he doesnt care what I or any health professional says. His mind has taken over everything he cant live his normal day to day life. Now I feel like I have had a complete breakdown. Do any other parents have these mental health / OCD struggles with their kids and what do you do to support, look after yourself - and more importantly, find hope? He has been on medication in the past and its really helped but he doesnt want it now

Feeling at a loss

replies: 7

My 22 year old daughter lives at home with me. She has ADD and is Autism spectrum, but not officially diagnosed, as her Dr didnt feel she needed more labels. She suffers from depression, anxiety and use to have OCD. She had a terrible time with bullying at school and had to finish her schooling at home online. Her depression has been bad for past year, we managed to get her a psychologist who she liked and she trialled a few antidepressants and seemed to have found one that worked. ( Well I thought so) Her psychologist changed jobs which really upset my daughter and she stopped taking her medication as she said it made her numb. That was a few months ago. She has since been put on medical weed for anxiety, which seemed to help.But for this past week her depression is really bad. When I try and talk to her she screams at me, then if I try and walk away she says I dont care. Im really at a loss as what to say. Ive got her a Drs appointment for this coming Monday. Im exhausted, as I have a benign brain tumour which causes me to have a headache all the time. I dont know what to say to her, she doesnt want me talking about drs, medication, etc.It feels like I cant do or say anything right. I love my daughter more than anything, but its getting so bad that I want to get in car and just disappear. Of course I wouldnt do that though.How do I support her? What do I say? I try and just listen but she yells at me anyway. Im really at a loss.

I dont know what to do anymore.

replies: 1

My boyfriend has schizophrenia. About 9 months ago he started accusing me of cheating. Over time these accusations came more frequently to the point they are every day. The accusations are becoming more unhinged and disgusting. Saying im sleeping with his friends, or people I dont even know. He claims he can hear me next door sleeping with his neighbor. He also accuse me of stealing of him and trying to kill him. Is this normal schizophrenic behavior?

Wife has serious delusions after mania and refuses medication

replies: 22

My wife came out of a manic phase about a week ago. This was only the second manic phase she has had in our marriage of over twenty years. The previous one was over 15 years ago and for the last 15 years, we've led a relatively normal life, with her free from medication. This time, she was involuntarily hospitalized, which traumatized her and made her incredibly angry. She blames me indirectly for this. Her previous manic phase came after 7 years of psychiatric treatment for depression. She suffered from strong side-effects during this time and from the medication they gave her for mania and this made her become strongly against western medication of all kinds. She doesn't even take Panadol. So, this time around, she reluctantly took medication while in hospital but has not taken any since leaving. There is zero chance of me convincing her to do so or convince her that she is ill. In her mind, she is channelling and is on line. She now does not have mania, but retains very strong delusions that there is an evil organisation out to get her. She believes they are monitoring her flat and around half the city are employed to watch her and trick her, including cleaners and members of the public. She has zero tendency to self-harm, but she is impossible to live with (we now live apart but see each other daily). Also, it's becoming a problem when she confronts someone sitting next to us in a restaurant in the belief they are a spy sent to watch her. Having said that, she normally leaves when she feels threatened and she isn't a physical threat to anyone. She did leave her flat at 4am this morning to walk the streets because she believed the flat was haunted. She also keeps on throwing her phone away because she thinks she is being tracked. Forced hospitalization is not an option because that would push her towards self-harm and giving up the will to live. This is one thing she has voiced very clearly. I see our only option at this stage as being me monitoring her while she "rides it out." In her previous manic phase, the delusions eventually disappeared without medication over time, but that was.very tough going I crash read, 'I am not sick. I don't need help" over the past week, which details how to use LEAP. I've tried this, but am well away from being able to coax her to take medication as a "partner." Any ideas would be appreciated.

Teenage brother struggling with depression and anxiety refuses medication and professional support

replies: 1

Hi,my younger brother has been struggling with depression and anxiety for nearly a year now.It started when he first started saying he would kill himself if my mum tried to make him go to school. He started saying it every morning and would cry and yell if she tried to make him go. After a while it happened so often he stopped going to school. He also now refuses to brush his teeth and won’t go outside. He has a fear of bugs and we have spoken with a psychologist who thinks he has ocd. My mother and I are struggling with knowing how to help him. We have both been seeing someone who helps teenagers with depression but can’t seem to find any ways to help him.He stopped saying the threats as often when we weren’t asking about him going to school. But since he is still young it is a necessary for him to go back at some point.We have been trying to start distance education as that could be a better option but, he has started saying the threats again.I have been really struggling myself as I have harm ocd (fear of suicide) but have been really trying to support him in ways I can like, watching movies together and playing video games together. It just feels like it will never get easier.I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or perspective on how we can help him I would really appreciate it.Thanks

Emotional exhaustion nobody sees

replies: 2

Lately I’ve realised I’ve been carrying everyone else’s emotional weight while quietly ignoring my own. I care deeply about the people in my life, especially when they’re struggling, but constantly being the “strong one” has taken a serious toll on my mental health. You can’t keep pouring from an empty cup and calling it resilience. At some point, exhaustion starts masquerading as compassion. I'm Still learning that supporting people shouldn’t come at the cost of losing myself in the process.

assisting a grandparent

replies: 2

This may be slightly off topic but I could really use some help figuring this out. I've known my grandma had dementia for a bit now, but I've only just realised how bad dementia is for people due to a bit of research. My mum has always been stressed about it and now I realise why - it is so distressing for the person with dementia and those around them. I haven't been visiting her as much as I'm busy, and I feel horrible. I never realised how hard it is and I feel so upset for her - I'd do anything to help her feel better.What do I do?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Sister is self harming i dont know what to do replies: 3

Helping Someone replies: 3

caring for sister replies: 4

Barely coping: Son with OCD replies: 1

Feeling at a loss replies: 7

I dont know what to do anymore. replies: 1

Wife has serious delusions after mania and refuses medication replies: 22

Teenage brother struggling with depression and anxiety refuses medication and professional support replies: 1

Emotional exhaustion nobody sees replies: 2

assisting a grandparent replies: 2