Out of the blue, on Tuesday last week, my partner took a turn from being happy to depressed unexpectedly. This has left me feeling lost and clueless as to "what changed?" Anyway, she has been riding this wave for over a week now and it is starting to take a toll on me where I feel useless and emotional as all I want to do is be there for her. She seems to still cuddle me at night and I hold her, but when it is outside of this, she is struggling. I know recently, her parents' had COVID and thought she was struggling with that, but since they are free from it, she hasn't really bounced back. When I have tried ask, "what is wrong?" she says "work is stressing me". I really do not know what it is and want to get to the bottom of it as all I want to do now is cry. I said I wouldn't leave her after her saying, "please don't leave me" last Friday, I am feeling sad that I want to be there for her as well as to get over this darkness as I miss her old self. I have tried writing her notes, give her little things like chocolate, but feels now, it's a dead-end. Any advice or wisdom, would be greatly appreciated!
to start with it sounds like you are doing an amazing job trying to support your partner.
All those little things do mean something they let you know that someone is thinking of you. I remember my mum doing things like that when things started to get worse for me, she would buy my fav foods and put notes in my lunch box ect.
In the end though it wasn’t a fix. In some ways it ended up making me down because I felt like I was failing my mum.
Mental health is complicated and there is so many causes for problems. It could be something simple, but only a professional can really let you both know what’s going on.
It is terrifying thinking that your brain isn’t healthy it’s where all your thoughts come from. At a guess I’d say your partner is just as confused and conflicted as you.
there is no magic wand or quick fix, however speaking to someone and getting someone to talk to or seeing a psychiatrist can give you some answers to know where to start.
keep being supportive as it sounds like you are.
Hello Aloof, the situation you're in at the moment does make you confused as to what to do and the thought of leaving her chocolates and writing her notes in the hope it will spark her back to her usual self, unfortunately, doesn't happen if they are suffering from any type of depression and although they may deep down appreciate it, it's difficult to show any enthusiasm.
She may love to have a cuddle but it becomes awkward for her to try and answer the questions you keep asking her, simply because she doesn't know what the answers are and this can be frustrating for you.
Work may be stressing her but it's always a good reason to tell people rather than trying to find out why and needs to organise an appointment with her doctor, who can then begin the process to get her the help she requires.
If however, it is her work then that could change her situation and could approach this from another angle.
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being so open here. It sounds like you really care for your partner and her mental health. You have been very strong in dealing with all of this.
Firstly, have you and your partner considered seeing your local GP? they can really help to find out what is happening with her and to help her with a coping plan.
In the meantime, just be there and support her. Depression is a really hard thing to deal with and can come out of nowhere. it is something that can't really be controlled.
Stay safe and i am always here to chat.