What helps the most?

[Gertie12]

My husband has clinical depression and anxiety but in the last 6 months has refused to take his medication.

Today I found him crying in the kitchen and he admitted to me that he just made an attempt on his life.

This is his 3rd suicidal episode since we've met and I told myself after the 2nd time that if it happened again I would call an ambulance and have him placed on a 24 hour psychiatric hold. But now it has happened, I don't want to do that. Will it even help?? I want him to seek help but he refuses.

What is the best thing someone did for you after an episode?

[Sophia16]

Hi Gertie,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for sharing your story. What you are going through must be so difficult. You are very strong and so is your husband.

Has he considered seeing a professional? Your local GP perhaps. Sometimes they are able to help you through the pain. They can help build a wellness plan for both of you.

Communication is also key. Maybe he needs someone to talk to about what he is dealing with.

In the meantime, Lifeline has a suicide hotline 13 11 14 in which they are able to help your husband and you through your current situation. They are there for you 24/7.

Stay safe and I am always here to chat.

[Not_Batman]

Hi Gertie.

Thank you for opening up to us. Neither of you are alone in this at all.

from someone who has tried on more than one occasion in the past, i can say that your instinct to call an ambulance is a very logical one. IT is a very serious subject and needs special attention. Your husband may not have the ability to think clearly, and wont necessarily make the right decision to seek help. If you are unsure what to do, too, make the call to 000

The ambulance trip can assist in your husband in getting the right help. It comes down to you caring for this person and wanting them to be safe. If That means a visit from the paramedics, then so be it.

kind of look at it as though your husband is stuck in the theatrical style of quicksand. They are in there and sinking. Panic and struggle makes it worse because you sink faster. The only way to get out is to be calm and try to pull themselves out if there is something to grab…the other option is for someone to lend their hand to pull them out.

i am certainly no stranger to calling lifeline. so i would encourage that call and chat with the lovely people. At least as a good starting point.

Sophia said that communication is key, and that is so true. Maybe there's something underlying that he needs help with.

Not Batman

[geoff]

Hello Gertie, thanks for coming to the forums.

I'm sorry for the situation you and your husband are in, as it's very difficult to know what to do after 3 attempts, but you are entitled to ring the police or an ambulance to come and pick him up for his own safety and take him to a hospital and when he leaves a support team will be set up in times of crisis.

For your own benefit you may need to do this because you can never be sure if this could happen again, but in the process you need to talk with your doctor on how you can cope.

They may suggest seeing a psych and this can be done using the 'mental health plan', which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions and can certainly be of some help to you.

If he refuses medication and/or help, then if he is taken to hospital then he will be required to do both, in some form or another.

Please remember that when this, unfortunately, happens both of you need counselling because your mind will be filled with worry 24/7.

My best.

Geoff. x

[Gertie12]

Thank you all for your comments.

The earliest our GP will see him is March 7. I was told that "we don't do urgent care."

He won't talk to a psychologist.

I rang the local hospital yesterday after he had calmed and they told me unless I bring him in (he won't go), they can't help UNLESS I call an ambulance during an episode (then it's an emergency).

Today he has gone to work just like everything is normal and I have stayed home freaking out and crying. I don't know how to get him help unless he agrees to it (or he makes another attempt on his life and I call an ambulance). I feel like no one will help me help him. Why does the system make the patient have so much responsibility? He is clearly in a place mentally where he cannot seek help himself.

As per your advice, I am going to see if I can get in to see a doctor/GP myself and get myself a mental health care plan... but it won't be until March because of the small town we live in.

Gertie

[Sophie_M]

Hi Gertie12

We are so sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment, it sounds like you are doing an incredible job supporting your partner right now.

We totally agree that it would be worthwhile for you to see a GP and disucss a Mental Health Care Plan.

We know it can be incredibly tough to support someone who is struggling with their mental health. If you ever want to talk you can call us on 1300 22 4636. There are some great resources on our website as well, hopefully they can help - if you're intersted you can find them here

You can also call the MIND carer hotline on 1300 554 660. This hotline is for people who are looking after others and need some support themselves. They are experts in this field and will be able to speak with you without judgment. You can find more info here. 

Thank you for showing courage and sharing your experience. You never know who will read your post and feel less alone in their own experience because of you.

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[mmMekitty]

Hello Gertie,

As above posts have said, anyone attempting to take their own life is a serious thing, not something to ignore or minimize. What message does it send if we don't respond in proportion to the seriousness of the situation? You are saying this is his third attempt, so this is very serious indeed. I'm thinking, if you were to call an ambulance for him, do you think he'll see how seriously you, & others also, will take his distress?

Perhaps a stay in hospital might sort out the problems he is having with taking medications. & also, he'll have an opportunity to gain some tools, which he can use, too.

I think it is a great idea to have some help & support for yourself.

All the best,

mmMekitty

[Sciencegirl]

Hi Gertie,

I am so so sorry you and your partner are going through this. I agree with all of the advice.

I also wanted to let you know what the ambulance told me 'you don't need to hurt yourself to call us'. So if you think it would be beneficial for him, perhaps calling for help is a good idea. The ambulance reassured me that when I called because I did hurt myself, that if I needed to I could call them before I did anything as they were there to help.

Sending you good thoughts!

[Guest_1643]

Hi and welcome!

I have made attempts and the best thing someone did for me was drive me to the hospital and have me admitted

I wish, too, that thenfollow up didn't end there. I would have liked to have a Dr, a friend, or family member maintain contact with me in the days following.

I don't remember much of that time but remember feeling alone and it really is a time to show love, constant support and advocacy for a person's treamtnrt

If u can get him help, and then liaise with the treating team, u can follow up with them and insist on good care for him.

Just as an aside, some anti depressants incense suicidality for some ppl and I believe stopping some abruptly can, paradoxically, increase suicidality for some ppl.

Might be worth exploring with a Dr when his feelings got worse.

I'm not a big believer in ads, but I do believe caution should be taken when abruptly stopping them.

[geoff]

Hello Gertie, after all these attempts even if he threatens to do it again, that's an emergency and you can call an ambulance.

Are you able to see another doctor, where I live there are doctors who are open 6 or 7 days a week, there is no harm in establishing another doctor, especially if your doctor is booked out for weeks.

Please remember if he says it again after 3 attempts that's a reason to call them because he probably won't go with you but ill need to with them.

Take care.

Geoff. x