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TW Master Plan
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We’re really glad you could come to the forum to share this with our community. We know it isn’t easy to share something like this, but we think it’s a powerful step and we really appreciate your openness and bravery in sharing.
We’ve reached out to you privately to make sure you’re ok. If you want to reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. There’s also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.
We also really recommend having a look at the Beyond Blue safety planning app. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline and complete it with one of their counsellors over the phone if you'd like.
PLEASE NOTE: If you ever feel unsafe, please call 000 (triple zero), or attend your nearest hospital emergency department for care.
Kind regards,
Sophie M
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Hi KindSoul
I think people can genuinely love us but not in the ways we really need to be loved. From my own experience, a depressed person cannot simply be loved. They need love greater than just the simple kind. It may look like others going to the ends of the earth to find what works for us. It may look like bringing out parts of us that we just can't get to on our own. It may look like a solid plan when it comes to making a difference through a variety of strategies, not just picking a few and then giving up. It's a kind of love where those who love us wholeheartedly, through hard work and devotion, evolve through all the ways in which they love us to life or back to life. I've found the truth to be...not too many know how to love me this deeply and that's not my fault and it does not define my worth. You are not defined through someone else's inability to love as deeply as they need to.
The dream state of depression's relatable. While it can be hard to describe, I've found others who can relate. On one hand you have a state of consciousness where everything is depressing. You're fully conscious of everything 'wrong' with the world, everything 'wrong' with yourself, all the places where you don't fit in, everything that's making your life hell and then you have the inner dialogue that brutally confirms it all. On the other hand, there's a state of consciousness where you wake up to seeing everything in an entirely different way. You can see what's 'right' amongst what's 'wrong' with the world, what's incredible about you that maybe you've never noticed before, all the places where you fit in and why. You can see all the reasons for why and how that hell on earth appears the way it does and then you have all the constructive inner dialogue that confirms it all. The questions can become 'How to shift states?', 'What keys/triggers hold the ability to create a shift?', 'Exactly what was it that started shifting us toward depression to begin with?' etc. The revelations that can result from such questioning can be like the rungs on a ladder. While we may lack awareness of exactly what and/or who led us down, the challenge is to fully gain it on the way back up. A massive challenge.
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Well said @therising… which ever world I’m living now, everything just feels like darker and full of pain and suffering plus nothing good yo look forward to…. I’m clinging to my dear life right now… to end one’s life seems to be my ultimate goal which can be achieved by putting the master plan in place… I wish that all was good but the sad reality is that nothings good or nothing in this world and life is worth living and fighting for., I wanna try and find even just the tinniest thing to cling on:.. I hate how I’m feeling nor knowing that it won’t get any better than where I am now… I’m trying to fake it til i make it but even that’s not helping even to the slightest bit… this lifetime needs to end just so I can be born again to a better lifetime…
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Hi KindSoul
I have a serious love/hate relationship with this altered states of consciousness business. I guarantee, same thing happens every time: Life's going well and then BAMM, I'm down. Sometimes I'm so down I believe I'll never get back up. Then suddenly some mind altering revelation hits and I can see exactly what's led me to be so down, then I'm out of the darkness again with more knowledge. While this yo-yo experience can feel like a form of torture, I'm grateful for it in a way. I've done long term depression and wouldn't wish it on anyone. At least the yo-yo factor has highs. I just can't find a revelation this time, in what's been some dark months. Of course, when it lasts for some time, there's always a fear of it being long term. I say this in honesty. It pays to be open and honest, declaring to others who can help shed light 'I'm so lost and I just don't know how to do life anymore, right now, based on where I am. I just can't see the way ahead, where there's just no scrap of illumination on this seriously dark part of my path'.
I've a guy in my life who I see once every couple of years. At my worst, he's been able to see exactly where I am on my path and help me make sense of why I'm facing what I am. He's changed my life and the way I see myself on a number of occasions. I think it's time to connect. While I have those in my life who criticise me harshly when I mention the C word (clairvoyant), this is simply someone who's able to gain a 'clear vision', such as with the guy I mention. If I told you what my life looked like over the past number of months and, in your mind, you could clearly see where I went off track, who/what led me off track, what my depressing detour looks like and the opportunity that needs to come up in order for me to get back on track, technically you hold that ability to see for me. Clear seeing's not all that woo woo, it's an ability exercised in many professions. From a financial planner who can clearly see the way ahead for a retiring couple to an inspiring teacher who can clearly see a little future marine conservationist in front of them, clear seers are everywhere. Paid clairvoyants/seers (of the reputable kind) are simply paid to tell you exactly what they see in their mind. On the other hand, those who sense our desperation and open wallets can be called 'Vague opportunists'.
