FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Time to go

Rod32
Community Member
I've read a lot of the posts, now I know I'm a pathetic looser. Loneliness after wife left, all friends were joint and now I have no contact from them. I have a 20yo son who is my world, my daughter 18 loves me however she is very much like her mother. Lost my two children from my previous marriage, son murdered 2016 and daughter died 2013 wife left 2019. I have tried to cope for my children's sake but now they are older an in relationship I'm not really needed now.  Rambling a bit now sorry, really had mostly a good life but the hurt and pain to much now, hard type through tears.
43 Replies 43

Rod32
Community Member

Really shit day, wife told my son about new boyfriend. Daughter has been keeping info from me, she outright lied about knowing, this has hurt me so much.

Just finished rewriting my will. I didn't think I could hurt more, tears,hands shaking, don't know why I'm even writing

Dear Rod32, 

We are so sorry to hear about this. You sound incredibly devastated and hurt right now. 

Please know that, if you'd like some professional support tonight, counsellors from our support service are available 24/7 by phone (1300 22 4636) and available 3pm-12am AEST by webchat on our website (www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport). You don't have to go through this alone, or without professional support. 

Mishmo
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Oh Rod, wishing I could give you a real hug and comfort. It hurts me so much that you are hurting so much. I think you're writing cause you don't really want this pain and you care? I hope so.

Please, Please, Please call 000 (triple zero) if you are feeling suicidal. It's one very irreversible split second choice. You deserve happy, not this heart breaking sadness. *BIG HUGS*

Being lied to and mistreated is never unacceptable in my books. Maybe they weren't doing this on purpose? Maybe keeping it to themselves was their way of trying to protect you from more heartache? But not many things hurt more then our loved ones keeping stuff from us or lying to us. Im so so sorry Rod.

You are an amazing person who has achieved so much, and suffered so much. I can completely relate... i feel my life has been much more downers then as many uppers... one heart break after another. Everyone always leaves me in the end. I guess I am too much for anyone. Anyways, I am now feeling so worried for you and so very upset I cant help or fix the situation.

Just please call 000 (triple zero) if you start having those feelings.

Now I need hugs and tissues :'(

Chris_21
Community Member
Don’t give up Rod, I’m in same boat my wife left me after 27 years… now alone, no friends , no family stuck in mental health ward in hospital… like you I feel hopeless pain worse everyday …. I found this site and it’s warming to know there are others like us … online, but I’m real and will talk to you brother, I like you have no one so whine to each other, and your not worthless , your a decent guy remember that.

Rod32
Community Member

Hello Sophie, I'm torn between what I want to do and what I should do, I had to go for a drive tonight to clear my head, but I didn't realise how this would affect my son who is my world.

He and his long-time girlfriend are incredible in their support, but seeing how this situation has affected him is very unfair, they are far too young to witness my grief.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do to alleviate his pain. Actually I do, but just can't seem to act as if I'm ok.

I thought of going away but that would hurt him, every idea I have is just so stupid, it's like the rational part of my brain ceased functioning.

Rod32
Community Member

You sound like me alright, don't know how you were admitted to hospital hopefully voluntarily. I just have no idea what to say, if I knew you I would visit and spend some time just chatting. Does the hospital have volunteers that you can talk to, if not we can chat while I'm here. I thought Nam gave me all the bad night sweats.

I helped a few guys with ptsd some years ago, I do know and understand and although I managed to stay on top of things then can't seem to manage now.

Hang in there.

Guest_342
Community Member

Hello Rod,

I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps this weekend/week. Mind you, it's nothing even close to what you have described as your current experience - and my heart goes out to you. But I do have ebbs and flows with my anxiety and negative thoughts. At the moment it's a little bit more of a rut than normal because I'm making a big life decision at the moment and it might be really successful or not happen for me at all. I also feel resentment for some loved ones in my life, which I want to post to this forum at some stage when my blood is at more of a simmer than a boil. I'm doing my best to just ride that wave and hoping it'll flatten out soon.

One thing I wanted to ask you is whether you have sought advice from a compassionate GP with specialisation in mental health issues? The reason I ask is that, it seems you might need just that little bit of help to take the real sting out of what you're feeling, even if just initially to help guide you through to a mindset where you feel contentment in your life.
WhenI was in a really dark place about 7 or 8 years ago, I looked for a GP that I could connect with on an ongoing basis with regards to my mental health struggles. The lady I see has now known me for that length of time and she is so compassionate. She has seen me at my very worst, in tears in her office unable to go to work. And, as is more often the case now (I visit her about twice a year now), she's seen me at my best talking about how I'm enjoying work and have moved to a new home. I feel so comfortable saying absolutely anything to her. Back then, try as I might, I couldn't work through my symptoms and my feelings unaided. They consumed my every day, my every minute. But now, even though I have my low points - like at the present moment - I feel I generally have the tools to work through it. I'll always be that way inclined but I feel it's manageable.

Do you feel like you would be comfortable to talk to a doctor? In the meantime, I do hope you feel able to call 000 as Mishmo has suggested if you feel you are at a tipping point, or perhaps one of the services Sophie has referred to. Also, there is always someone on these forums interested in connecting.

Warm hugs.

Rod32
Community Member

The GPs are so busy and and don't understand,can't understand, when I returned from Nam I broke off and refused any help from vet affairs, never regretted that, what I did and saw in the name of our country, well I just never wanted to relive, I was strong then.

Rod32
Community Member

Hi Chris, It was suggested that I try a dating site to find a companion to talk to as a distraction, I looked and they all seem like scams or hookup sites, I'm not looking for that so I gave it a miss, though I appreciated the suggestion. My son wants to take me out with his girlfriend but I won't interfere with his young life.

Mishmo
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Rod,

How are you today? I am so glad you made it through the horrific pain of yet another day. How is your son? I am sure he would love taking his old man with him hehe... shows how proud and supportive of you he is. You never know just where that right person will come from.

Am hoping I haven't said something wrong, if so, I am so sorry. Pls forgive me.

But sending hugs from me to you. Todays been a hard one for me... glad its over... faught my hardest, shall now go to bed and cry myself to sleep. Refreshing the tear ducts... YAY *face palm*