Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?
This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.
I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.
Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.
The reasons why I chose to stay -
- My dogs.
- Planning to die was very complicated.
- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.
and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.
I lost my Mom to cancer at age 44 and it was devastating, even though I had 3 years to try process that she was terminal it didn't ease the pain when it happened.
So yes, no age is right for losing a Mother. Just keep that in your thoughts and know you are NOT alone. I have days when the only thing that gets me through is my daughter and what it would do to her.
Are you in therapy or getting help ?
Exactly 10 years ago, at the age of 21 I survived an attempted suicide.
I remember coming too only very briefly, under an extremely bright light, with a number of nurses and doctors standing over me, wires and tubes strewn across my body.
When I eventually woke up my partner at the time was sitting on a chair next to the bed. His eyes lit up before he suddenly burst into tears. He called the nurse in who explained what had happened and what the next steps for rehabilitation were going to be. It was so very surreal. I was obligated to spend 5 days at the hospital under supervision until I was able to be assessed and released into the care of guardian.
The nurse explained she had been in touch with my mother who wanted to speak with me as soon as i woke. She went away phoned my mother (who lives interstate) and brought a phone into me. Before I even had the phone to my ear i could hear my mother sobbing..i'll never forget her asking me "what did i do wrong, sweetheart?"..as if it were her fault, as if she'd failed me somehow.
There are so many people who don't get the opportunity to share a story of survival, who don't experience a second chance. I'll never know why I was given a second chance..but I do know i'll never take life for granted, it really is is a gift ...and that's why i'm still here.
I love life
I love my body
However life handed me a lemon in form of a TBI
And life got bloody hard and painful
All chronic diseases suck
The invisible ones suck most as I "look fine"
Sometimes death seems the only solution. I nearly succeeded. I am glad I did not die.
BecauseI still have a purpose
I can still spend time looking at my beautiful garden.
Who will look at it and water it if I'm dead?
I can still spend time with friends, one at a time
I still can be fun, I am still me, just a more muted me
I am sure they would be disappointed if I am dead
I can tell my story and encourage others
I am alive to support others in their hard times
If I am dead I cant speak up to enlighten doctors about TBI
Acknowledgement of the tiny things we can do:
-taking a shower is all we achieved all day
-feeding the cat and yourself
-sending an email off and talk to your lawyer
Pat yourself on the back as these tasks are a huge achievements for a person with a traumatic brain injury + depression and anxiety
Maybe the world needs to be unbalanced.
Maybe you need to be here.
Maybe there is a reason you survived.
I am still here because I believe there HAS to be a reason for me to exist.
It could be as simple as bringing my kids into the world and raising them as best I can.
It could be that the people I love need me.
I'll take whatever I can scrounge up and hold onto it.
I hope you are safe too.
It's nice to find someone else who also has had the same experience. Once my story comes out, you will see that I was always down as a child. I had suicidal thoughts right into Adulthood. But as you say different people have played a role in preventing it from happen quite a few times.
But now I can say thank you to them if the opportunity arose. There is good in everyone, try to find it in you.
Big thanks for this much needed post:
My reasons include:
* Being put down by other people;
* The Supportive environment of this Forum;
* Knowing that I am not the only one - reassurance;
* By replying to posts by others I am helping them and in-turn myself.
Is there a reason that I can say is greater than the rest? I don't think so.