Like others I think of suicide basically constantly.
It's like a someone whispering in me ear that I can't stop as my life otherwise is (mostly) ok.
I told my parents again but they just said Im an attention seeker that using it as an excuse not to work.
That is far from the trust as when I tell them I'm suicidal they laugh and then get angry.
It's so difficult as it makes my suicidal thoughts worse but they seem completely oblivious.
Anyway stay safe all.
Thank you for reaching out again and sharing with us how you are feeling at the moment. We’re sorry to hear that you are suffering from constant thoughts of suicide. It sounds like you have tried to speak to those close to you about how you feel, but they have ignored you instead. We can't imagine how debilitating that must be when your experiences are not taken seriously.
We will be contacting you privately to see how we can support you further though this.
If you are feeling overwhelmed with your thoughts and want to talk to someone who will listen, please get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Hi Chris Tas,
Im sorry you are having suicidal thoughts and that the people you are telling aren't giving you support.
I also had horrible dark intrusive thoughts they were constant……. they have now lifted thanks to the professional help I received.
Chris, have you been able to speak to your gp about the way you are feeling and your thoughts…. With the correct treatment they can lift for you too…
Please call a beyond blue councillor 1300 22 4636 anytime you feel you need support.
Hello Chris, I'm really sorry to know that your parents take no notice of what you're saying and thinking about it a lot of the time and their reaction is far from being trustworthy and certainly not helping you in any way, maybe once you see your doctor and explain exactly what you've told us, then they can ring your parents.
Another option is if you are 25 or under you can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat, or online then these counsellors can help you and also contact your parents, because they do need to know that these thoughts are real.
Please be careful.
I wish I was there standing beside you, questioning your parents, when you express so honestly and painfully how you feel.
I would ask 'What leads you to laugh at such incredibly deep soul destroying pain? What leads you to see this as a joke?'. I would ask 'What leads you to recognise someone who needs desperate attention, yet fall so short by simply labeling them 'an attention seeker' and that is it?'. I would ask 'What leads you to feel so inconvenienced by someone's pain to the point where it causes you anger?' As someone who has felt the full impact of the depths of depression earlier in my life and as a mum - I cannot help but question so much.
When surviving depression feels like a full time job, it can be incredibly hard to work in any other area of our life. No one understands this better than someone who's experienced this mindset. When depression's not as intense, a job can then be manageable.
Not sure if the following will help in any way Chris but I hope so:
I've found perspective is what dictates reality. From the perspective of depression, the very depths of it can hold truly torturous internal dialogue. From the perspective of having come out of 15 or so years of depression, the dialogue, for me, makes more sense. It's the same dialogue based on 2 different realities. From the reality of depression
- I just can't do this anymore
- If this is what life is, it is torturous
- What's the point of going on?
- I am worthless. No one cares about me
and so on.
From reality outside of depression
- I just can't do this anymore. I can't live with my self, that sense of self who can't see or feel the truth. That sense of self who longs to find the truth and master feeling it must come into play
- If this is what life is, it is torturous. Life comes with overwhelming challenges at times and some of those can feel incredibly torturous. It's the nature of some challenges to feel depressing. The greater the challenge the more depressing it can feel. Personally, I've come to grade my challenges based on how I feel them. I can also feel when I've come out of one or am coming out of one
- What's the point of going on? I believe our #1 job is to go on to truly know our self, evolving beyond who we think we are or who we're led to believe we are
- I am worthless. No one cares about me. I am worth less only through the eyes of those who fail to see my value. They are failing. Those who do not care are careless. I will feel who cares and who doesn't care enough
Thank you very much to the posts and support above.
I have taken every word in and I assure you all words written to me greatly appreciated.
So yes, BeyondBlue looked after me and I have just been released by the Psych ward.
The staff and rooms were fantastic and it is clearly what I needed.
I am very thankful for the support given to me and it has saved me life.
Thank you for reaching out to us here and I am so happy that you were able to find the help you needed. I'm glad that you are doing better now and that the support we were able to provide here helped you through this hard time. Please don't hesitate to reach out here about any situation you are in or whether you want to come for a chat, we are always here to help. All the best.
So happy to hear from you. Your courage and progress through your depression, especially regarding your stay in the ward, is something to be incredibly proud of. From my own experience, I've found that every time you venture outside the square in surviving depression, it is something to be proud of. To find yourself outside your comfort zone and go on to manage that new zone does take courage.
I think sometimes it feels impossible to be proud of our self while in depression, especially in the depths where we're tempted to think less of our self. While now outside my years in ongoing depression, I can look back and say...I have achieved much in life so far and I have done much to be proud of so far (including raising 2 amazing kids) but my greatest achievement comes with the thing I am most proud of and that is having survived depression, doing whatever it took to stay alive.
It is my wish for you Chris that you not only find your way out of depression but you also come to see how truly amazing you are in surviving it.
Thank you all.
Again I won't mention each individual point rather please know it's been read and taken "on board".
It's difficult as I'm now "home" but Dad said again he wished I was dead. Mum said a coward by thinking of suicide.
So yeah, it sort of makes a very difficult situation even harder yet they think it is helping? Or don't care? Honestly I don't know.
So yes all those in my position please seek help as my support from BeyondBlue has been nothing short of exceptional and likely saved my life.
Stay safe all. Seek help if you need to, no shame in it despite what some might say.