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Struggling

jsm1974
Community Member

I'm new to the forums, despite the fact that I probably should have been on here years ago.

The pandemic has been hard on everyone, myself included. I have lost my job at a University, where I have been a casual, but with consistent work, for 8 years. I had been planning to change career paths, but that plan, as well as every other plan collapsed this week with my wife and best friend saying that she wants to separate. I know that living with someone with depression and anxiety can be difficult, but she always assured me that she loved me and would always stand by me. I'm sure she meant it at the time, but even then I knew on some level that eventually she would get tired of it.

I have been crying for three days with very little intermission. I have absolutely no support system, as I have no friends at all and I am estranged from my family. In a nutshell, the future I had been dreaming of is completely shattered. This would not be quite as distressing if I were still young, but I have just turned 47, so starting over, especially with debts, will not be easy at all. To make matters worse, I am struggling to see any point in starting over. I was pretty dissatisfied with the world before this, but always had my wife to remind me that it's not all bad. She didn't even have to say anything. Just knowing she was there was enough. Now she's not.

I haven't eaten nor stopped crying for any real period of time in over 2 days and can't sleep without a lot of help from prescription drugs. I have always thought that I had the tools to deal with most issues that life sends my way, but this is so much worse than I ever could have imagined. I'm desperate for someone to talk to, but most therapists are booked out and the hotlines haven't been much help due to the short consultation times and the fact that I can't even see who I'm talking to. Keeping busy doesn't help, as reality just hits that much harder when I'm done with whatever I was doing.

I wouldn't kill myself (at least in the short term) as I know how much it would hurt her, but I don't really see the point in living a pointless existence either, so I'm at an impass. Any advice (apart from calling the free counselling numbers, of course) would be welcome.

23 Replies 23

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

So sorry to hear what the social worker said to you that’s just horrible! If someone is not helpful that you are talking to maybe ask to be put through to someone else who is empathetic and wants to listen to you….

That’s great you have written such a positive letter…. I understand it would be difficult to sometimes list the things you love about your wife because it can bring up emotions… but it’s ok to have emotions…. I can see how much you really love your wife…..

All the best with your appointment, you have been very proactive in getting help / treatment for yourself and I applaud you for that…

Please let us know how your appointment goes……

here to chat

Dear Jsm1974

We're sorry to hear about how bad you're feeling, and that your conversation with the counsellor was unhelpful. We can hear how much you love your wife through your posts. We hope that things work out for you. Please know that we are here to speak whenever you need. We're glad to hear that you've organised an appointment to see a mental health professional. It sounds like you're taking many steps to better your situation, which takes strength. Please try to be kind to yourself throughout this challenging time. 

If your suicidal thoughts become worse, or if you begin to feel more overwhelmed, please remember that there are crisis services available, like Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). You said that helplines have generally been good up until this recent conversation, so we encourage you to give them another try should you need to. You do not need to be alone throughout this. 

Please continue to post here and seek support as you see fit. 

jsm1974
Community Member

Thanks Sophie and everyone else so much. Communities like this are so important and so comforting during a crisis like this, so all of you who post in support of others should be proud of yourselves. It doesn't fix the problem, but it makes a big difference in dealing with the pain.

My wife has said that she wants to talk about things and try to save our marriage, which is awesome, but I'm already afraid of this happening again. Hopefully counselling will give me some tools and a better perspective to be a more positive force in my wife's life and to be able to deal with these feelings constructively in the case that this happens again.

My battle with depression and anxiety is far from over....I wasn't even doing great before all of this happened...but at least I have a moment's respite from the worst of it. Finally ate something after 4 days, which seems like a good sign.

Hopefully I can be as supportive to others (while I'm not in a crisis moment) as you guys have all been to me. I'll certainly try.

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi jsm1974,

That is wonderful news jsm1974, I am so happy for you that your wife wants to talk about things and try to save your marriage….. that is awesome!

That is great that you ate something I think that’s a really positive step…

Yes please go to your counseling and keep up with it, you will learn a lot of tools to help you to deal with your feelings and yes gain new perspectives…… 😊 it will be a very positive step for yourself to learn these tools and also in time after you have been able to practice and grow from learning these tools and perspectives, it will help your wife from the way that you will be able to grow within yourself….and move forward…….. just be positive…..

When you have a negative thought flip it over and look at how you can turn it into a positive one from looking at it in a new perspective….

Thank you jsm1974 I enjoy supporting you and helping you in anyway I can ….. along with all of our lovely community….. I’m so happy we have helped you in some way 😊

Please know we are always here and you are never alone, please let us know how things go……. with your appointments…. I wish you all the best……..

Remember you can learn how to manage your anxiety and depression just keep chipping away at it…. You will get there with the help of health professionals………

I overcome severe anxiety OCD after professional help…….. there is HOPE that you too can learn to overcome/ manage yours……. Never loose hope and there is always someone here to listen to you and have a chat 😊