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Sick and tired of being sick
Hello. I'm battling multiple auto immune diseases along with chronic pain. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially etc. I've got no partner, kids or family around. And very few real friends that actually bother to check in on me. My shrink retired earlier in the year. I'm on medication but lately my health has once again deteriorated. Including over $2500 worth of urgent dental work with more needed afterwards.
I can't take much more of this. I spoke with a close friend the other day; who I haven't seen for 8 months and although he was kind enough to let me pour my heart out. He couldn't help me. And has other priorities. I feel as though everyone thinks I'm ok.. because I've been through so much that I'll get through this.
I just want it to end. I'm tired of struggling. Every. Single. Day.
I don't want to live like this anymore.
If you feel up to it, we'd also encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.
Firstly I just wanted to mention that posts doen't always appear straight away here and can potentially take up to 12hrs so unfortunately there will always be a delay in getting replies. While discussion of moderation decisions on the forums is against the community rules, you can familiarise yourself with the moderation process here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/welcome-and-orientation/how-are-my-posts-mod...
When I first started posting here I felt completely abandoned too when there were no replies.
However I actually wanted to respond to your post about autoimmune diseases. I have 2 of these. One is managed with a tablet & I don’t get too many side effects from the condition apart from fatigue. But my other condition is type 1 diabetes & that is just relentless with the management. I do finger prick blood tests about 10 times a day, I’m constantly assessing what to eat & calculating the carbs of everything that goes in my mouth so I dose the insulin correctly. If I want to exercise I need to adjust insulin dosages or foods eaten, if I’m not hungry, I make more adjustments.. I’ve had this disease for 35 years & every day is the same micro management of my life. There are no breaks for it, ever.
So I can 100% understand how overwhelming it is. The mental strain, emotional toll, distress, burn out & the dream to just give it all up for one day of freedom ie not managing a life threatening disease.
Im sorry our friends can’t relate. I’ve discovered unless you find someone with the same condition, no one really understands at all.
I’m currently seeing a psychologist who specialises in diabetes & chronic illness & this has really made a difference support wise for me. It could be something you may want to consider?
Otherwise you can look for support groups online, or maybe there’s a social group for people with the same condition as you, either meeting in person or just a Facebook group.
Otherwise, just post here. I’m not online every day, but I pass through once a week & will always be happy to respond when I am around.
Take care of yourself, & don’t be too critical of yourself. We can’t be perfect all the time. So it’s ok to need time out, or relax your care regime if possible for a few hours or days.
I just want you to know that we are out here & we do hear you. I would love to hear back from you if you feel up to it
We're sorry to hear that you're feeling you're at breaking point at the moment. We understand that it might feel quite hard for others to relate to you since you have complex medical problems and this must be very difficult to cope with. We think you are so strong and we are so grateful that you are still reaching out.
Firstly, the BigBlue is correct. Most posts get answered by the community within 24 hours, but sometimes they slip the net. Please try not to take this personally, the forums can be a very busy space. Some days are slower than others, and some topics hit home with people more than others. The amount of replies received will always vary from day to day. Our community also operates on the principle of 'give support to receive support' - you are more likely to receive replies if you get involved with the community and respond and talk to members on existing threads.
Secondly, it might be helpful to join a support group to try and build a social network in your area. It sounds like you are trying to do this in the Facebook groups and we would strongly encourage you to keep trying. You can also find information on support groups is available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, we would encourage you to take a look at the following page - "Feeling suicidal" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal
And remember that there are crisis supports available to you:
- Lifeline – 13 11 14 and https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-midnight (Syd time)
- Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467
Many in our community have experienced similar feelings and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.
Hi. In the first months after I started seeing a psychologist I was checking in with my GP to rule out other possibilities. Might be worth mentioning I am nearly 50. Anyways... since then the list of things I deal with are (i) haemochromatosis, (ii) annual tests for prostate cancer, (iii) annual ultrasound (cannot remember what for) and (iv) there was something else but I cannot remember as I write this. In one way or another there are links with anxiety and depression. I am not mentioning this as a means of comparing what you have to me or vice versa. I guess the way I looked at it was that as each issue was addressed, it was something that could be crossed off the list in relation to depression and anxiety.
I am aware from my own experience at that time it was a case "what else?!?" despite what I would say to others as crossing things off the list.
Let change the topic a little.... what have you been up to recently?
Hi Tim. Thanks for your reply. I totally get the "what's next". As that's kinda what is happening with me! I do post updates on my Facebook page with my health as I have online friends overseas that worry about what's happening if I'm not online. They don't say much because what can they after the latest diagnosis or trip to hospital for medical problems etc.
I have been trying to organize my apartment as I have surgery coming up. And as I'll be facing this on my own (again), I need to be prepared as possible. I've had multiple surgeries since my mid 20s and I'm almost mid 40s and so it goes on. I've always been told that I'm too young to get services in place after surgery - which is an absolute joke. These surgeries are necessary to keep me alive. And the extra cleaning has worsened my fatigue. So I'm sleeping alot more.
I did reconnect with one of my closest friends earlier in the week. But his wife doesn't like me very much because they both know that I have feelings for him. So I can't see him very often.
I don't get close to people because they either leave me or they hurt me. Last week I was doing some grocery shopping and 2 of my neighbours were out as well and they offered me a lift home, which I accepted and they chose that moment to ridicule me about the fact that I've gained weight.
We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you.
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it.
I'm planning on canceling my GP appointment today. I barely got any sleep due to my stress levels towards lack of funds. And my overall mental health state. It was to get a referral to see a dietitian to see whether or not I need to any supliments to get better nutrition.
But if I could make my money go further... I could afford to live off something other than 2 minute noodles. The local food banks - are all drive through only and I don't have a car or license.
I can't work because of my crap health. I've had almost no employment or enough training to get a job; even if I applied for one. It's a never ending route of how pathetic my life is and that it's going nowhere fast. I've lost all motivation to do anything remotely beneficial for myself.