Pure lonliness.

[Monkeycar]

I am on the brink of no return, I have no family, no friends, nobody. The only thing I have in my life is my cat. Once he goes I think I'll lose the will to keep fighting.

I am only 26 years old, have loved but never been loved, been the black sheep of the family who I cut out of my life. Has never had a friend in her life since she was three years old. Any that I have tried to have, all left me in the end cause im to much hassle.

I spend every single day in isolation, nobody to talk to, nobody that would even think twice about me. Aside from my job, I've not spoken to anyone in weeks, I leave my house once a week for grocceries and that is it.

My cat is getting old, he is the only thing in this world I cherish more than myself.. but it's not enough, I'm losing the battle I've been fighting for my whole life. I have no hopes, no dreams, no aspirations. I just live on auto pilot

I've given up hope on a brighter tomorrow, every day just grows darker.

Ive stuck myself in this endless loop of lonliness with no turning back.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Monkeycar,

We know it can be really tough to reach out and open up about these thoughts and feelings for the first time, so thank you for having the courage and strength to post here tonight. It sounds like you have been battling with these dark thoughts for quite some time on your own, but we want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone. Even when things are feeling at their darkest, please know that there is always hope, and our caring community are here to help offer their kind and non-judgemental support and advice in this safe space on the forums. We are also currently checking in with you privately via email with some extra support.

We understand how difficult it must be to be keeping these feelings bottled up inside, and feeling unable to reach out to a friend or family member about what you're going through. Do you think that you'd feel comfortable opening up to your GP about how you've been feeling? Another great step can be reaching out to the understanding counsellors at our Support Service, who are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) if you'd feel more comfortable talking online: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  We would also really urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), who are also here for you 24/7, night day, as often as you need to talk these feelings through. It can be really helpful to talk to an understanding and caring voice on the other end of the phone, especially in times when you're feeling isolated, or feeling like giving up. Support is always here for you, and we'd urge you to keep reaching out with the same strength you've shown here tonight, as you are important and deserve support through this.

We really hope that you find these forums to be a place of comfort and support, and please feel free to continue updating us on how you're going, whenever you are ready to, as we'd love to help support you through this.

[geoff]

Hello Monkeycar, and thank you for opening up to us, I know that it's never easy and it's something in which we tend to look at our computer, at this particular site and toy with the idea of posting a comment, perhaps type something out, then edit it and maybe delete it, especially when we aren't feeling the best only being annoyed at ourselves in doing so, so I am very sorry along with Sophie.

Hiding your thoughts while you are at work is difficult, pretending to laugh at what another person has said, where you find no humour is a pain, and not only that you can only work at half your usual compacity, unable to concentrate on what you found to be easy is now most difficult.

There are other avenues that someone believing they are the black sheep can adventure in, it's just knowing that you're able to do this, but you need help to unlock this padlock, you can't start by yourself, only because you just go around and around in circles, digging yourself deeper and making your situation worse.

Don't get me wrong here, I've been in the same position and know how incredible this feeling is, that only you know how it feels.

I know you love your cat with all your heart, but can I make a suggestion, and that's to get another kitten, today or tomorrow, you need to have another cat which you will learn to love, this doesn't take away your love for your other cat and could be a reason why you might smile and that's a start.

Take care.

Geoff.